Tips for outsiders about educating your child and how to respond to them

As soon as you become a mother, you will surely experience an avalanche of comments and comments from the most diverse "competent" advisors on how to raise your baby. And in order not to drown in the flow of all kinds of advice from other people, try to work out the right system of behavior and communication with them. About what you can expect from the advice of outsiders about the upbringing of your child and how to respond to them, and talk.

If relatives are advised

First, you need to determine the degree of importance of the new adviser for you and your family. Of course, both your mother and your mother-in-law will want to participate in the upbringing of the baby. For them, he's a bloody heir. Therefore, grandchildren often want to invest something that was not invested in children due to lack of time and experience. So, it is worth to listen to the advice of grandmothers! True, if they are diametrically opposed, problems will inevitably arise. You will have to persevere in relation to at least one of the parties. Otherwise, you will be bogged down in stress, dip your child in them, and eventually you will collapse with a fit of deep depression.

Many representatives of the older generation do not trust modern doctors and childcare facilities (for example, diapers). But still listen carefully to their arguments and promise to discuss this with your doctor. As a rule, these grandmothers want to be listened to. So show them how much you value their opinion, how much you respect them. If you do not live together, you will not be worth it in your own way. Try to calmly react to the advice, and then the conflict will be repaid, not having time to flare up.

If your mother-in-law constantly treats you with memories on the topic "When I was a young mother, everything was in time, but in your house not cleaned and the husband is not fed" - do not put the problem on yourself alone, act together. For example, ask your mother-in-law to take a walk with the baby so you can put your house in order and make dinner. Or do the opposite - treat your mother-in-law with something delicious, when she returns from a walk with her grandson.

Mommies on the bench

Prepare to initially treat calmly and slightly critically to the negative comments of friends and acquaintances about your baby. It seems that your girlfriend did not say anything terrible, only: "And my Pavlusha at nine months already eats with a fork and knife, and still sings, draws and dances!" And you already compare her child with her, but no matter how much you try, do not find in your child of similar merits. Because of this, you immediately have a mass of complexes, you are constantly tormented by the thought: "My child lags behind in development, and I am a useless mother."

Drive all the complexes away, the more that unnecessary negative emotions you to anything! It is better to think about the fact that, firstly, each child develops according to his individual schedule. Secondly, you are a very good mother, just the development of Pavlushi is engaged immediately by two grandmothers, grandfather and nanny, and you alone and with the child are managed, and are leading a household. Thirdly, remember the old anecdote about two pensioners who selflessly lied to each other about the number of amorous adventures. So do you: talk about the upbringing of the child, about his development, achievements. After all, you do not lie! In any case your child is the best and special, even if he does not know how to play the flute in his eight months.

Very extraneous opinion

The old woman, resting on the bench next to you, sighs that in her time the grass was greener, and the children - more educated? Do not make her words of great importance. It's just a problem of age, which means that someday it will touch you. After all, people of different generations have different upbringings. The old woman, brought up during the times of "public courts", is deeply convinced that you just want to take her advice on the upbringing of your baby. That you badly need her useful comments - even if you see her first and last time. She does not understand why you do not want to give your child the cookie or chocolate offered to her, because she gives a delicacy of the best intentions! The fact that the child has a food regimen, that an allergy is possible, and, in the end, it's just that for safety reasons, you can not take something from strangers - this is not what the "adviser" thinks. After all, in fact, she does not care about your child! That's how you should proceed from this understanding of her behavior.

Only in no case do you have to get angry with an old woman and even more so be rude to her. Better carefully listen to her advice and politely interrupt: "Sorry, we must go home, goodbye." Do not be afraid to offend an uninvited companion. Firstly, if you are polite, she will have no reason to grumble at "the current ill-bred youth". Secondly, most likely, you will not see it again. So do not waste your nerves in vain!

Prioritize

The main thing - remember that in all three cases, advisers uninvited from your point of view are driven only by their own complexes. Grandmother, who is very fond of her grandson, will not confuse his young parents. A confident mother will not begin to ascribe to her child the knowledge and skills that he obviously does not possess because of such a tender age. A pensioner who has her own happy family will not interfere with someone else's remarks.

So think about what's more important: listen to a new adviser, then join with him in a useless discussion and thus take on the whole negative from your relatives and strangers - or to protect yourself and your family from this. And if you choose the second option, then just politely tell family, friends and new acquaintances that you really appreciate their desire to help, but you want to communicate with them easily and joyfully, without initiating moralizing conversations on topics about raising a child.