Many parents are frightened by this very combination of words. They consider sexuality to be the prerogative of adults, and its manifestation in children is a sign of immorality, depravity and even mental abnormalities. However, child sexuality can not be identified with the realization of sexual function. In the child's body, the corresponding systems have not yet been formed, i.e. the child is simply not ripe before that. However, the child's behavior is determined by his belonging to his gender, and it is in this sense that we should conduct a frank talk about child sexuality.
Sigmund Freud argued that childhood experiences, traumas, discoveries shape the personality of a person and influence his subsequent life. Therefore, we adults need to learn to talk on sexual topics. But it is here that opinions are divided. "Do not discuss such topics with children, at one time they will learn everything. Why early time to cause increased interest in sex? "- Some believe. "Children need to be given as much information as possible," others say. Paradoxically, however, in both cases, adults want to protect children from early sexual activity. At the same time, studies have shown that early childhood begins with those children whose parents adhered to extreme, "polar" points of view.
Usually parents are afraid of this "slippery" theme, they are afraid that they will not be able to find the right words, and children will misunderstand them. But in fact we want, that the personal life of our children has developed successfully? Therefore, let's observe the sense of proportion, and most importantly - do not leave the children alone with complex questions about this.
How does it all begin?
Of course, from the moment of conception. The stage of the formation of child sexuality from conception to the birth of a baby is called a prenatal period. At this time, the
sexual differentiation of the fetus, figuratively speaking, the baby is "determined": he is a boy or a girl. The decisive period for sexual differentiation is the interval from the sixth to the thirty second week of pregnancy. At this time, Mom needs to control their emotions, avoid stress and do not take medication, without which you can do without. Affects the fetus and then, the desired or unwanted is a child, and a strong desire of parents to have a child of a certain sex. Such installation of parents can cause in the future psychological problems in the child. If the future mother wishes with all her heart to give birth to a boy, and the pope is already preparing blue ribbons and looking at toy cars, is it any wonder that the girl born will grow up as a rare tomboy?
And now the baby was born ... Be sure to feed your crumbs! With the mother's milk, the child receives, in addition to other useful substances, a daily dose of prolactin. This remarkable hormone promotes the maturation of brain cells, increases the stress-resistance of the body. Children who receive it in sufficient numbers are more calm and cheerful. In addition to mother's milk, every baby should receive a mother's weasel. Do not be afraid once again to hug and caress the child. Tenderness and physical contact are necessary conditions for your baby to grow and develop normally. Impressions of these years have a great influence on the development of sexuality in a more mature age. It is in infancy that a person forms a subconscious mind: "they love me". The development of sensuality in the future depends on gentle swaddling, stroking, bathing. All this allows the child to feel the pricelessness of his own bodily "I", and this feeling remains with him for life.
I know the world.
The child is growing, and he has an interest in his body and all its parts. Parents tell the baby how all parts of his body are called, and only the genitals are often deprived of attention or called invented words.
Mom washes four-year-old Dasha: "Wash your face, neck, pens, legs and ass." "Oh, Mom, you said a bad word! So tease! It's bad, you can not say that! "- the daughter is indignant. "That's when they tease and say:" you're a priest! ", This is really bad. And when they say about the ass, it can not be otherwise. How else can she be called? "- asked my mother. The girl thoughtful.
Give your child to understand: there are no "bad", "shameful" parts of the body that you can not talk about. Give them the appropriate names without any embarrassment and unnecessary emotions. The way parents treat sexual organs, children "consider" from intonation, facial expressions, accompanying phrases. Be calmer. This is extremely important.
By the age of two, most children are beginning to understand who they are: a boy or a girl. They are already able to understand the difference between the sexes (visual differences), as well as the fact that while in society, you should not take off your panties. But at this age the baby likes to undress. Only my mother will put on his baby - and in a few minutes he's naked again. This gives the child a great pleasure, and not related to the genital sphere!
Sobbing and running away from my mother, who is trying to put him on again, he joyfully pulls off everything that hinders him. The kid as though speaks: look, what I beautiful, ladnenky, tanned! Do not rush to inculcate feelings of shame for nakedness with statements: "Phew, how ugly!", "As you are not ashamed!" The main task of parents is to gradually acquaint the child with the general norms of behavior. Children should not, on the one hand, violate the norms of behavior, and on the other - be ashamed of their body, feel uncomfortable if it is necessary to nudge next to people of their sex or at a doctor's reception.
Sometimes a child's desire to explore his own body still "breaks" outside. How to react? Easily! The motive for this behavior is not erotic, but cognitive interest. That's what you should do in such situations. In no case should you pull off: "Stop it immediately!", "Take your hands away!", Beat on your hands and punish. If relatives react too violently, the child is fixing on this moment: "Why not? What's wrong with that? "It's fraught with two extremes. On the one hand, a child may have a heightened interest in sex, on the other - negative feelings may be for him the earliest sources of future problems on sexual grounds. If you see that the child is carried away, gently switch his attention, give the toy a toy, ask for something to be brought or removed. When the child goes to bed, make sure that the handles are on top of the blanket or under the cheek. If the child can not fall asleep for a long time, stay with him, stroke him on the head or back.
Children's masturbation.
This is usually the most "sick" issue for many parents. Small children can easily be distracted from this exercise by playing or whatever. If the child masturbates systematically and this becomes obtrusive, then, most likely, it is no longer a matter of studying one's own body. In addition to research motives, there are two more main reasons for the development of masturbation in children:
1. Non-compliance with body hygiene standards (itching with diaper rash and dermatitis, worms, tight clothing) or vice versa, too careful hygiene procedures.
2. Stress, loneliness, anxiety caused by a lack of parental warmth, resentment, disregard for the interests of the child, various forms of violence (and even such seemingly harmless ones as slapping or forcible feeding).
Parents need to remember one thing: threats and shouting can only harm a child. Do not punish, frighten, shame, track down. Take care that he does not sting or rub clothes. Wash the genitals carefully, but not too long.
Difficult questions.
As a rule, children begin to ask "difficult" questions from the age of four. Interest in sexual problems often does not have sexual coloring. It is better to answer them. But what specifically tell the child about his birth? How can I explain everything? Already, there is no ready-made recipe. All children are different, and one can not fully foresee how the baby will take our explanations. However, remember: if the baby does not receive an answer within the family, he will go look for it somewhere outside. It can be a courtyard, kindergarten, school, movies or books.
How to answer children's questions?
Gradually prepare the child for new information. So, the question "How did I appear?" Mom can answer simply: "I gave birth to you." If this is enough, the child, for a while will calm down, and a little later will want to know what "gave birth", how the baby gets into the tummy and how it comes out. The main thing is that the knowledge gained is accessible to children. It is impossible to bring down on them all the information entirely and immediately. Keep in mind that the child perceives not only direct messages, but all the emotional subtext, that you feel. Be prepared for the fact that he can refute the information that you give, clarify, ask other people. A child should be told the truth that he is able to understand. Fairy tales about a stork or buying children in a store will help for a little while. Soon the child learns that he was deceived, and this will undermine the confidence in parents as a source of reliable information.
But even a psychologically competent explanation does not guarantee that everything will do without incident.
Role-playing games.
In 4-5 years the circle of communication of the child expands, there is an interest to peers. At this time, the child not only asks questions, but also "redefines" adult roles. Everyone knows children's games "to the hospital", "to mom and dad", "to the house" and others. In these games, boys and girls "inject" each other, explore parts of the body (including intimate ones), and even imitate the bed scenes. It is characteristic that if the family has brothers and sisters of the same age, and they often see each other naked at home, then their games do not entice anyone. With mutual trust, children can even discuss why boys have this way, and girls have different
On the beach there are two nude little boys: a boy and a girl. Consider each other. The boy is interested: "Torn off? Has she lost it? "" No! - the girl answers, - and was! »The kid is surprised:« Strange construction! »
All games that involve privacy and secrecy (participants hide under the bed, build a hut or house) allow children to quench their curiosity, consider what is forbidden by propriety, allow physical contact with each other. Parents, who are so horrified by such behavior, that they use repressive measures, do not act in the interests of the child. Remember: such actions do not destroy interest, but only create a complex of guilt, confuse the child and cause the desire to do something secretly. To satisfy his curiosity, the child is forced to peek. For him it's just a game. The forbidden fruit is so sweet! The game gives an excellent opportunity to teach the child a simple and very important principle: no one is allowed to touch him against his will! As quietly as possible, explain to the baby that he is only "his own." Parents should remember that the so-called personal space is the most important thing for any person. This is the body of the child, and his children's secrets, and his desires.
Sometimes a child shows an increased need for tactile contact with adults and other children. He asks to you on his knees, hugs every minute, strokes you, presses, rolling his eyes with pleasure. Pay attention to these manifestations. They can be a symptom of the fact that the child feels a lack of love from loved ones and tries to compensate for it due to the attention of strangers.
A boy of five years old, approaching a beautiful girl, says to her: "You are my doll!" It turns out that this is how dad addresses his mother. This is a normal imitation. Manifestations of tenderness, care and attention to each other positively affect the sexual education of the child. However, the observation of frank scenes, and even more so of the sexual intercourse of parents, can seriously injure the child's psyche, and the consequences of such trauma may not manifest immediately.
An important point that parents should pay attention to is the preference for boys or girls of games that are not their own sex. Perhaps this is a sign of transformation, distortion of the child's sexual role, which can lead to difficulties in choosing a life partner in the future. This should not be neglected. If a girl fumbles with typewriters, throwing out dolls, and a boy trying on maternity clothes - think about it. Perhaps the process of transformation has already begun. Carefully follow the child and do not miss this important moment.
In order for the child to develop properly and not experience difficulties in his personal life in the future, he must pass all stages of development of sexuality in time. "Thanks to television" or not burdened with moral principles printed publications, our children can get information about the relationship of the sexes much earlier than necessary, and not at all in the form in which they can "digest" this knowledge. And this in itself is a great stress for a child and can direct the development of child sexuality in the wrong channel. That this does not happen, give the kids information themselves, timely and dosed. Love your children and trust them!