THE TWO SAY - THIRD DO NOT INTERFERE?
Parents need to understand that conflicts are the inevitable stage of growing a baby, as independently finding a way out, he learns to better understand and feel the emotions of other people, to compromise. When there are first quarrels, you need to behave with the child calmly and firmly. If the baby pushes another crumb, takes away the toy, bites, it is better to immediately stop these actions, not allowing the situation to aggravate. Babies over the age of three can be given the opportunity to resolve the dispute on their own, this will allow them to gain invaluable experience in conflict resolution. Of course, an adult should unobtrusively control this process. If you feel that passions are heating up, and small "warriors" are ready to rush into a fight, you need to intervene. In this case, you need to have time to hold the hand of the offender, not giving the chance to hit another baby. Be sure to back up your actions with a sharp "You can not!" Children who have past experience of negative attitude of parents to their aggressive behavior, can stop and severe hail of an adult. Do not take the children away, rather put your hand between them and say that you will not let them fight, but they can talk about what is happening. Do not try to find out who first started and what actually happened until the children calmed down. Take the toy that caused the quarrel and explain to both of them that you will give it back when they can calmly talk to each other. When the children calm down, ask them to discuss what happened. The attitude of an adult to children should be calm and respectful. Remember, in this situation you are an indispensable assistant, not a strict judge! It is you who should "razrulivat" children's conflicts and look for ways to resolve them. If children in the process of "debriefing" address their statements to an adult, they need to explain to them that they should discuss the situation among themselves. For example: "Tell me please, it's not for me, but for Misha, is it good?" Involving the children in the process of establishing relations, try to find out who wants what, which caused a quarrel, and also explain how it was possible to resolve the conflict peacefully. Children should take active part in the discussion, offering their own solutions. But those that do not infringe the rights of one of them. Such a discussion helps to acquire skills for building relationships with peers, gives self-confidence and teaches to understand and take into account the feelings and desires of another person. After discussion, a general solution acceptable to everyone is adopted. It's good to look at the exhausted conflict from outside and discuss how it could be avoided. In conclusion, do not forget to praise and support children for their activities, highlight the value of each proposal. This will help the kids to realize their contribution to the peaceful resolution of the situation. Teach children to change toys, this will avoid conflicts and eventually learn to understand the value of a joint game.
IF THE CASE COMES TO DRAGON ...
More often it occurs in a family where two children with a small age difference are growing. In this case, the adult has to act when "everything has already happened." Despite this, it is necessary to show the child that such behavior is unacceptable. Sharp words about the abuser and sympathetic attention to the victim will help to understand what is losing the one who behaves in this way. Two things are also important here: first, your words should be directed towards negative behavior, not the child's personality (not "You're a fighter!" And "You did bad!"), And secondly, at the usual time " offender "should enjoy the same attention and participation of parents. Do not make the child apologize; he must come to this decision himself. You can use the "quiet corner" reception - send the child to calm down in a corner or into another room, but "link" should not last more than two to five minutes. I must say that this method does not work for younger children, they are unlikely to understand the logical connection between their deed and removal. In this case, it is better to look hard at the child's eyes and hold his hands tightly, say: "You can not fight!" Or "You can not bite!" Do not stretch the punishment for the whole day and do not try to read morals and blame the child for a long time, the kid in this state it is unlikely to understand what you are telling him. The most acceptable is to express your negative attitude towards the action and finish this unpleasant incident as soon as possible. It is also unacceptable to provoke an offended child into aggressive responses: "Go and give in!" These words can be explained by the kid as "instructions for use" and the only correct way to resolve conflicts. Do not use threats and aggressive actions against children, it will only confirm them in the opinion that the one who is stronger physically is right. Remember also that, as a rule, both children are to blame for the conflict. Therefore, if there is no pronounced "injured party" it is better to divide into different rooms of both children, having supported this action with the words: "If you can not play calmly and do not quarrel, play each separately". Do not take sides in children's conflicts and in ways to resolve them. In a controversial situation, both children feel irritated and hurt and equally need your sympathy. As a rule, children quickly forget about the quarrel. Having been alone for a while and calmed down, they begin to miss each other.
SENIOR AND YOUNG - EACH EVERY TRUTH
If you notice that the youngest child is the most affected party in child conflicts, do not rush to punish the elder. Often the younger child literally "brings" the elder, provoking him to fight, because he is younger and parents will rather regret him than the elder. This is to some extent manipulation.
The older child in this case should explain that the younger likes to control his emotions and his behavior. Therefore, the elder need to try not to succumb to these provocations. It is also better not to punish and not abuse the older child in the presence of the younger, but to understand the essence of the conflict with him face to face. The older child becomes automatically "big" when the younger child appears. But he does not have to be forgiving and condescending! Command notes in the voice of the elder relative to the younger one are a marker of our own treatment and attitude to our own children. The elderly willingly imitate the imperious intonations of parents or using force in relation to the younger. Therefore, it is unacceptable for parents to apply power and force to children. Try to emphasize the positive aspects of the children towards each other. More often ask the older child to help the younger, teach him something new. Make sure he does not raise his voice on the younger one. But do not turn him into a nanny! Only in a confidential conversation with their children and full acceptance of each of them as a person, we can lay down in the children's souls understanding and respect for the brother or sister.
Why is it so harmful today?
Sometimes parents are lost in conjecture, why the kid is irritated from scratch, does not listen, behaves aggressively towards other children. The reason can be in his experiences, because the family is not all calm. He can not understand why adults scream at each other or why the pope slammed the door, and my mother cries. Accumulated stress and anxiety the little one brings to other children: they start to irritate him and start becoming "guilty" because the child is so bad. He can not put it into words, so his nervousness spills out in the conflict, getting a discharge of negative emotions, accumulated in the child's soul. As a rule, after such quarrels and fights the child can not explain the specific reasons for his extremely aggressive behavior. Also, children can use the conflict to attract the attention of adults, and subconsciously use this to get anything from their parents. Perhaps the child lacks your attention and care. The kid provokes other children to a conflict, brings the situation to a fight, but, having received a rebuff, runs to complain to his mother. Now he can "justifiably cry," and my mother will certainly regret him, caress him. After that he calms down. Think, maybe your child wants you to spend more time with him, need more emotional contact with you? If a child is often criticized and scolded at home, he can also splash out his resentment and annoyance at other children. Conversely, if a child is overly cared for and praised, he is the "navel of the earth" in his own family, whose desires are immediately fulfilled, he may not find understanding from his peers. After all, he expects the same attitude from everyone around him, but, naturally, he does not receive it. Then, the child begins to achieve what he wants, provoking constant conflicts and quarrels. Therefore, trying to teach the child the skills of effective communication, think about what needs to be changed in one's own family, behavior and attitude towards the baby. I want to note that children's quarrels deserve your attention! Correct intervention and help in finding a compromise is a guarantee that by the school age your child will in most cases learn how to independently find a way out of conflicts. And if you need your help, the kid will always feel the reliable and strong shoulder of loving, attentive and caring parents!
ADVICE OF PROFESSIONALS
Are you tired of standing childish quarrels and conflicts? Both adults and children need to have patience, learn to find compromises and try to remember effective methods of conflict resolution.
• Do not discuss or complain with your child to other adults about their negative behavior. He can be confirmed in the opinion that nothing can be changed, and conflicts are inevitable.
• Try not to remind the child once again about recent quarrels and conflicts, so as not to adjust it to a hostile mood.
• Draw your baby's attention to the emotions and feelings of other children, in what they are in the mood, what they are doing. For example: "Look how Volodya frowned, probably now he is not happy with something. Let's play with him when his mood gets better. But Lenochka smiles, play while with it! "It is good to buy a board game" ABC of emotions ". It will help the child to distinguish emotions from facial expressions, which contributes to a better understanding of the mood and condition of other children.
• Demonstrate an example of effective communication. Do not conflict with the child at home, do not swear and do not quarrel with the baby, try to sustain a pause if the situation is on the verge of conflict.
• An effective way of resolving a conflict because of a toy can be "time-based" use of it. Help to understand that it is impossible to have one toy for two children at once, if the thing is only one. You can divide the two halves of an apple, but you can not divide the toy. After all, then it will be unfit for playing! "Priority" will teach children patience and the ability to find a compromise.
• Games to relieve tension and discharge negative emotions accumulated are very suitable for conflict children. To calm them, you can use elements of relaxation, psycho-gymnastics and playing with water and sand.
• Allow children to complain (but in no case do they complain), only if this occurs before the quarrel. They will learn to consult and ask for help from adults, without leading the situation to a fight.
• Try to calmly analyze what is the true cause of your baby's conflict. This will help to find effective ways of correction through collaboration with a child psychologist.