What are the main principles of raising children in the family, taking into account the realities of our modern life? Let's try to understand this difficult, as practice shows, the question.
The most important thing in the process of any upbringing, including family education, is maintaining contact with the child. There will be no contact, no opportunity to hear each other, a wall of misunderstanding will appear, and then alienation between the adult and the child. This is in reality quite often occurs in adolescence, when there is a violation of the usual emotional ties between parents and a grown-up offspring. He expects to perceive himself as a full-grown adult, but his parents still (often involuntarily) perceive him as a child, give advice that he sharply negatively perceives. All this violates the habitual emotional contact, which hinders the further process of education. In fact, it stops.
Maintaining contact with the child (regardless of whether he grew up to the age of teenagers or not yet) directly depends on the behavior of adult family members. The child is contact initially. He is open to any forms of positive interaction with parents. Another thing is that we ourselves often violate the initial harmony of relations. We are irritated by the liveliness and immediacy of kids, the exactingness of adolescents and their claims to adulthood. Quite often, instead of constructive interaction with the child in various forms of dialogue or joint activity, we escape into a kind of "shell" of unwillingness to cooperate. How often do we voice our desire to remain alone? Phrases such as "leave me alone", "be patient", "wait", etc. give out our unwillingness to show imagination and to establish qualitative and positive interaction with the child. And even more often we demand the same non-verbal, with the help of facial expressions, gestures.
In fact, the basic principles of raising children in the family
our positive expectations of the results of this process are in line. How do we want to see our children in the future? Kind, sociable, responsive to someone else's trouble and defending their own positions in this world, open and at the same time cautious and prudent. But in order to achieve these goals, it is enough to demonstrate to children such behavior day by day, feeding them a model of such behavioral norms. But how difficult it is to realize this in reality, because we are imperfect! How often, instead of positive, unobtrusive examples of proper behavior, our children see us as idle moralists, who can beautifully explain to them how to behave, but often do not confirm these principles in their own daily life. It is important to try to get rid of this practice. After all, our children are ready to respond to any positive changes!
Of course, the basic principles of all pedagogy (and especially family) should be based on love. However, love in the family implies forgiveness of the offense, and a reasonable punishment for misconduct; and peaceful relations, and discipline and assistance to others; a positive and positive atmosphere and the preservation of the traditional hierarchy between family members. The latter is especially important for children. It is vitally important for them (for adequate and qualitative psychological development and personal growth) to really feel that the pope is the head of the family, the earner and the defender; Mom is his faithful assistant and like-minded person. Children absorb these norms. And it does not matter that in the family both father and mother work. On the contrary, it is important to emphasize (in dealing with the child, especially the small ones) that the main earner in the family is the father, he must be pitied, helped and obeyed. Mom does not work so intensively, its main role is with children. Remember that once you begin to present the family hierarchy in another way (the mom is more important than the pope or they are the same and equal), the authority of both parents in the eyes of the child will drop. As a result, you can face both disobedience (including demonstrative), and with disruption of healthy contact between parents and children. Naturally, you do not need it!
Of course, and without the traditional forms of raising children in the family
we can not do. Mom's explanations, addressed to a preschooler, for example, and how to behave and how not to be, are still important. Just they should not be too much. Otherwise you will not be heard, but will try to quickly forget the obtrusive verbose notations. As a rule, frequent application of such methods in practice leads to opposite results, and upbringing fails.
The presence of several children in the family greatly facilitates the whole process of upbringing. Experts argue that it is enough to raise an older child correctly, to invest in it a maximum of love and support (while maintaining a reasonable discipline and good relations in general). Younger children, especially if there are more than one of them, will pick up samples of his behavior, copy them in such simple and simple way, easily and naturally learn the norms of interaction with each member of society, the rules of behavior and active activity within the group, etc. The same is confirmed by the centuries-old practice of raising children in traditional cultures, including in our home. It would be nice to adopt something from the positive examples of the experience of past generations in our days!