Everything is relative?
Psychologists say that comparing yourself with yourself and others is a characteristic feature of human nature. Therefore, it is unlikely to ever disappear. Although in fairness it should be noted that some people take this process more, others less. Since this comparison is often not in our favor, experts strongly advise women to quickly abandon this harmful habit. It turns out that she does not bring us anything but depression.
Suffice it to recall your pretty sweet and bright childhood, to understand: the origins of our today's turmoil lie precisely there. Starting from the kindergarten, and then in the school, we were always taught to compete, commensurating our successes with other people's children. The fact is that many parents would like to see their children as "the most-most". And adults often are not at all interested in how much profound knowledge their child receives in school. For them, it is important only one thing - that the daughter was considered the first student in the class. And even better - and in the whole school. But in this way, moms and dads teach their children to continually compare their achievements with those of others. That is, to live in a world of relative concepts, not absolute ones. It is good, if such a child, when he grows up, it does not turn into a mania. But how many adult women seriously suffer from it!
There is another reason that allows us to assert that in the generation of such thoughts in women their own parents are to blame. When today's patients of psychologists were little girls, they were often brought up so that they always questioned their talents and abilities. And in any case would not overestimate yourself. Parents believed that this would save them from disappointments in the future. And it turns out that everything is exactly the opposite! They continue to assess their own possibilities for the "troyka", and other people consider it extraordinary. And this, of course, does not add to their joy. Yes, and where to get it, if they are fixed only on what they do not get. And at the same time they forget about their successes, which will always be found in each of us.
Women are turning to psychologists, whose life has gradually become unbearable. When their girlfriends do something good, whether it's a knitted sweater or a Ph.D. thesis, they come to mind with a single thought that plunges them into anguish. This is the idea that they themselves will never be able to. Although it is very common for such women to complain about something, there is nothing: a strong family, a secure life, a bright head. It would seem that you still need to be happy? But no, they do not even remember it. And they get a feeling of their total insignificance, from which you can go crazy. By the way, it is possible that someone is really coming off.
Often, parents make another mistake in education, because of which their children stubbornly do not want to then believe in their own solvency. Many of you will probably remember how your mothers - in plain text or allegorically - instilled in you, teenage girls, that life is considered successful only in one case. Namely, if it has developed according to a certain pattern. For example, a rich and caring husband, several brilliant children and a high career rise. So women from an early age are taught at all costs to strive for the transcendental heights. And the more they live in the world, the longer the list of what they should do. But since not everyone is able to match, why then is it surprising that thousands of beautiful ladies feel themselves total losers!
Very often other people seem to us in comparison with themselves more successful only because they passionately want to convince us of this. And they have, as a rule, remarkably good. To assert yourself, your friend can greatly exaggerate his achievements. She will try her best to look in your eyes happier than there is in reality. And do not blame her for this. After all, many women, according to psychologists, act so unconsciously, that is, not on purpose. And all because the desire to submit themselves in a favorable light is laid in the nature of nature. In addition, it is also affected by the prohibition imposed by Mama's upbringing to take out the hut.
Once a regular patient came to a well-known psychologist and said that in her services she no longer needed: she was cured by chance. In previous psychotherapy sessions, a woman with a desperate expression of her face complained that because of the frequent colds of her young son, she had to leave work and that her life seemed to have failed. And at the same time she was overcome by black envy when she was watching a happy neighbor's family who had recently moved to their house. A well-groomed, affable mother, a respectable dad, a smiling and polite teenage daughter ... All these people looked so serene that they evoked in the woman a sense of unattainability of their own peace and happiness. But what was her surprise, when from the local pediatrician she accidentally found out that in this supposedly happy family there is a younger child who is bedridden with an incurable disease. And the woman immediately became ashamed of her, in general, prosperous life.
Psychologists know another reason why many of us constantly try to compare ourselves with ourselves and others, to compare our achievements with others. The lower the self-esteem of a person falls, the stronger he needs to compare himself with someone. And the more likely it is that he will idealize the lives of others. There is a paradoxical situation: despite the fact that this person absolutely does not know how to evaluate his own forces, he nevertheless seems for some reason that he is able to objectively evaluate the possibilities of others.
Especially the cloudless life of friends and acquaintances is perceived in those moments when our own life does not develop in the best way. So, one patient gave a vivid example: it is only to fall ill with her younger child, as she immediately begins to feel that the children of her friends are just puffing up with health. And if the oldest gets two at school for deuce, then the colleague's stories about the successes of her child in the olympiad in mathematics are perceived as a bag of salt on the wound.
Do not despair!
In the event that you had to experience the feelings just mentioned, immediately start working on yourself to get rid of them. This will be easier for you, the sooner you understand the nature of your experiences. And it is necessary to get rid of, because a habitual comparison of oneself with others can provoke depression, a constant sense of anxiety, a feeling of inexplicable excitement. And there - a stone's throw and to organic changes in health. Where, then, to get energy for great deeds!
If until recently you were very pleased with yourself and only after meeting with a person suddenly became confused and began to doubt in your previous self-assessment, remind yourself as often as possible: you yourself chose this very way of life consciously and of your own free will. So, it corresponds to your aspirations and character. And still do not know how you will feel in someone else's shoes.
There is one more important point that can not be missed if you want to live with peace of mind and in harmony with yourself. Know that no such person has ever been born who is lucky in everything. And even when you communicate with your superfluous friend, remember: she tells you only about what she thinks you should know. And not a word more! And in the meantime, you judge the life of a friend on the most rosy pictures she has drawn, and you naively believe that everything is really so. For you it will be much more useful, having listened to the story of her dizzying success, to divide everything by 10.
Do not forget that any life, including yours, is a series of ups and downs. And if you are currently not the most joyful period of life, and the girlfriend, on the contrary, everything is in order, it is this mismatch that creates a feeling of worthlessness. But keep in mind one indisputable fact. That after a while you will necessarily exchange places with it. And then she, comparing her life with yours, will suffer the feeling of complete collapse.
When you, in your opinion, something does not go well, soberly analyze the situation. Look for positive things in it and think only of them. In the end, complain about the life of a person close to you. In an effort to comfort you, he himself will show you the obvious advantages of your being. And at the same time rejoice and for a friend, who is now all right. Any normal person feels comfortable when people close to him are satisfied with their life - they do not whine, they do not complain. After all, talking with people who are happy means getting a healthy dose of optimism from them.
Do not lose sight of the reverse option. It is possible that your friend, just like you, compares his life with yours. Perhaps she, in turn, thinks you are a successful and accomplished person. Is it necessary, therefore, to experience this in comparison with myself and others?