But that's bad luck : for some reason it does not work. Although why "for some reason"? It does not work because we do not believe in it too much! And this is not surprising. How long they taught us: "You can not be selfish! First think about others, and then about yourself ... Of course, this could not pass without a trace.
Undoubtedly, you have heard the advice "how to love yourself" more than once, and perhaps even tried to follow them. But let's now, when the new year has just entered its rights, we will play a game: let's imagine that we hear them for the first time. And try again to implement it. I'm sure this time you will succeed! Believe in yourself and love yourself for who you are.
Love Test
Studying the problem of love and dislike for yourself, the experts have come up with more than one cunning test that helps you to find out what feelings you have for yourself. And then we came to the conclusion that the most accurate test of whether we like ourselves or not, is a simple ritual, which, by the way, we do every day. This is how we look at ourselves in the mirror, what emotions we are experiencing. If you look at yourself, you are happy, you admire yourself, you think something like "You will not say anything, it's good!" - of course, you appreciate yourself, my beloved. If you only look at yourself only briefly, and then when you need to fix your hair or check if your coat is wrinkled, then most likely you need to work on your attitude towards yourself.
There are other obvious signs that you do not do your justice. Think about the following statements about you.
I deny my services : "What you, I did not know how to do it, just accidentally guessed" or attributed them to others: "Without Viktor Antonovich, I would never have managed it!"
When something does not work, I scold myself: "That's an idiot, why did I just go to driving courses! I knew that I did not have much coordination. "
I justify myself by saying that I look good: "Do I have a good figure? This simple dress successfully hides the shortcomings. " I sacrifice something for the sake of other people: "What a beautiful scarf! And her friend's birthday is coming soon. I'll buy it better for her. "
If at least two of them are close to you, then you need to change your attitude to yourself urgently.
Accept yourself
As Kuzma Prutkov said, the view is at the root. Where does dislike come from? "Thank you" for her you need to tell people around you: parents, relatives, friends and ... personally. They are for what they criticized and praised little, but to themselves - because you believed this criticism and picked up the "banner." But nobody is to blame. The surrounding people, most likely, did not understand what harm is caused, on the contrary, many thought they were acting for good. As for myself, if a person regularly repeats "that this is not black, but blue in specks," he will sooner or later believe. Well, in any case, nobody is to blame. It still does not change anything in the past, right? But in the present, it can do you a disservice. Psychologists say that the first step to a real, without any "but", self-love is to accept yourself as you are.
I read a lot of books about self-love, talked about this with close and not very people who said: "I proved by my example that this works" before I began to believe that a reverent attitude to myself is really pledge that everything will be fine in my life, everything I want will be given faster and easier. I can not yet say unconditionally that I love myself and the point, but I am on the road to this, which I wish for you.
Wonderful changes
It's hard to change dramatically: to get up in the morning before a mirror and once and for all to believe that you are the most charming and attractive is almost impossible. From our own experience we know that this approach not only does not work, but even irritates and discourages.
All changes must be gradual. It's like losing weight. If you starve, you can quickly lose weight. But as soon as you again apply for potatoes and pies, the weight will immediately return.
What should I do? Psychologists offer us a few miraculous exercises, and do it with one condition: they must be performed regularly.
First, make a list of everything that you do not like about yourself. "I'm awkward," "I have rare hair," "I can not communicate freely." And next, write the names of those from whom you heard such statements and the reasons why they, in your opinion, said it. And on the other sheet of paper write on all these "accusations" of rebuttal: "I am quick and agile," "I have beautiful brown hair," "I'm a perfect companion." Then, with pleasure, tear or even burn the first sheet, and put the second in a prominent place and from time to time re-read.
When the next time in reply to the compliment you have made you want to say "Well, you ..." and criticize yourself - mentally say to yourself "Stop!" And add: "I deserve both warm words and good relations. And I can get even more! "
If at first you completely get rid of criticism does not work, try to neutralize it with positive thoughts. Not necessarily equivalent. "Yes, I recovered a couple of kilograms, but I have a wonderful family," and so on.
Invest in yourself. In a literal and figurative sense. Rejoice yourself. And do not always think about what people will say or how much it costs. If you feel happy, when you go to the play of your favorite theater, or more attractive, if you visit a cosmetologist, do it without thinking.