Superficial connections?
Each of us is familiar with the desire to communicate with those who sympathize with us and who we sympathize with. This is how the need of all primates, to which we also relate, to create close, meaningful relationships, called "affiliation" (connection), manifests itself. We need those who recognize our characteristics, knowledge and skills, achievements and merits. So it is quite natural that friendship arises where we work. But is it fair to consider such a friendship real? Are there any mutual affection, warmth, sincerity, spiritual intimacy - everything that is associated with friendship between us?
Sometimes we all go to lunch with the whole department, call up someone in the evenings, but I would not call someone from my colleagues a close friend. We share many things with each other, but we also keep silence about many things. Does this mean that our human relations that arise in everyday professional communication are always somewhat superficial, because they are influenced by individual career aspirations, competition or rules of communication in the company? No, this is not always the case. There is a clear boundary between "friend" and "friend": we feel it when we approach too closely the personal life of another person. Some of us find it easier to get closer to people due to our character and upbringing. When a child is attentively treated, his desires, personal space, feelings are respected, then, becoming older, he will go without fear from friendly relations to deep friendship, which presupposes not only loyalty and mutual assistance, but also inner affinity, frankness, trust. He will not be afraid to become vulnerable.
Difficulties bring together ...
Work, of course, is not a club of interests, and trusting relationships often come into conflict with corporate rules of conduct. In this situation, we are forced to maintain a balance between personal and professional, but often we have to sacrifice something. In my environment, the main principle is, perhaps, "not to have enemies," admits Valery, 36, a trader in a commercial bank. When someone sympathizes with me, I ask myself: why does he do this? It is important for me not to establish friendly relations, but to move forward on work. Relations between colleagues are determined by a combination of personality and context. Career advancement, obtained in competitive struggle, and friendship at work are incompatible. After all, all actions and their actions such a person subordinates the main goal. But often those who are aimed at a career, reaching the top, discover how much they are alone. Next to them there is no one with whom you can be yourself. And vice versa, if colleagues have a common goal, then personal relationships inevitably arise, many of which grow into friendship. Individual competition hinders friendship, and the accomplishment of common tasks, like overcoming common difficulties, on the contrary, contribute to it. With my bosom friend now we met in a private company, where the bosses in various ways suppressed any contacts, except business. Our friendship arose not because of, but in spite of the circumstances. And it turned out to be really strong, "says Anton, 33, Sales Manager. The level of cohesion and friendly ties is higher the stronger and more rigid the hierarchical organization of society. Friendship in such circumstances becomes a way of survival. This applies to a small company, and the whole state. So, in the Soviet Union, where the government pressured people and constantly interfered in relations, it regulated them, many were very close friends. If you change your status or work, some of us interrupt relations, which you did not doubt yesterday. As a rule, this is due to the fact that we take friendship as a friendship, which does not depend on our status, financial position, or any momentary bad or good mood. It is not affected by the distance and years, the frequency of meetings and (not) the coincidence of plans. But can you protect yourself from disappointment? Perhaps, yes. If we understand the boundaries of friendship at work, it will help us to appreciate it when it develops, and not be too disappointed if, in actual fact, it is not so strong.