Remember the tale of Kipling about a curious elephant? He tortured so many relatives - and ostrich, and hegemonic, and all others - with his endless questions that they continually rewarded him with cuffs. But this is not the end: a battered but unyielding elephant went to the crocodile - to find out what he was eating for a miracle. He managed not to become this meal, and from memory of the battle with the crocodile the elephant has since been left elongated trunk ... Many parents, I think , they caught themselves on an irresistible desire to also somehow shut their own "slob". But we are still more intelligent beings than the heroes of the Kipling tales. We do not apply physical punishments to the "criminals", even if they fill us with hundreds of questions from morning till night, among which are terribly uncomfortable, which will confound anyone ...
One hundred thousand "Why?"
The main thing - breathe deeply, do not worry and take for granted that your child in this sense is not unique at all. It just grew to an amusing and unforgettable age - "the age of the whyts". In 3-5 years, various questions, including such tricky ones, are pouring from everyone, like a leaky bag, and this is quite natural. There are children who at this age ask up to 400-500 questions a day. Not surprisingly, in this turbulent flow there are also "uncomfortable". Children came to the world where they are not understood much, and who, apart from you, will explain how everything is arranged here? Asking questions, the child concentrates on creating his own picture of the world. In it there is no important and secondary - it worries everything. Moreover, increased curiosity and curiosity in children, the desire to stick your nose everywhere can be one of the signs of creative giftedness. Therefore it is very good when a child asks questions; It's bad when he does not. So, a child with a delay in mental development is late and with questions "Why?". Here in this case it is necessary to understand seriously the reasons and even, probably, with the help of a psychologist or a doctor. Therefore, never scold your pochemchku, even if his craving for knowledge seems to you excessive, and questions - indecent. And of course, do not laugh at them - for your laughter can once and for all repel the desire to ask any questions from him. In any case, you. Think, because we are not surprised and even touched by children's questions like: "Why is it raining?", "Why would I camel the hump?" Or "Why do I walk in boots and a cat - barefoot?". These and many other children's questions adults usually respond calmly and in detail, without hiding anything. But the kid is an innocent and simple-minded creature. For him, there are no taboo subjects accepted in the adult society. Therefore, we should not separate the issues arising from it, systematize them according to our own ideas: this question can be answered, but this can not be done, too early or in general - what kind of nonsense is it? Remember: there are no indecent or stupid children's questions, there is only an indecent or stupid reaction to them from adults.
- Here are the most unsuccessful answers to such questions of the baby.
"How do you not ashamed to ask such a thing!"
Expressing your displeasure and anger, you repel the child and again force him to look for answers from other people. In addition, he should never feel guilty that he asked this or that question. He did not do it on purpose, not to annoy you, to drive into the paint. He just asked, because he was interested, and that's all. "And now Seryozha will come home and eat cottage cheese ..." The idea to switch attention to something else is not new, this is the traditional technique of manipulation, well known in psychology. In some cases this can work, but only for a while. You will see - soon the child will still ask this or similar "uncomfortable" question anyway. Either he realizes that you did not like the question, that he blurted out something wrong, and why - it is not clear, and he will feel guilty without guilt. It turns out that such a "translation of arrows" is also not an option. The child needs information, and he will make every effort to get it.
"You will grow up - you will know!" No, hearing such an answer, the child will not wait, when he will grow up. After all, the questions of toddlers are always topical. The child needs information immediately, and he learns everything very quickly, only not from you, but from more advanced comrades. And what they tell him there, in what terms, you and a bad dream will not dream. Everywhere life boils, and everywhere there are her young experts - and in the kindergarten, and in the yard, and even in the sandbox. So it's better to take this labor on yourself. "Ask your mother (father, grandmother, grandfather)." Saying this, you simply brush off the child. Demonstrate indifference and, moreover, helplessness. Your great authority is melting in front of your eyes. No, since the question is addressed to you, you and only you should answer it.
Some questions can be answered more frankly, with a greater degree of objectivity, but still accessible to children's perceptions. As if you were talking to an adult, it's much easier. Another way to answer such questions is the counter proposal "to think together." This is an excellent diplomatic move - ask the child what he thinks about it. He certainly has his own version - here and discuss it. Perhaps the child will say something quite reasonable and close to the truth. But even if his ideas are far from reality, you will give him the opportunity not just to listen to you, but to become your interlocutor, to speculate, and this is a very useful lesson. Time of endless questions, including "uncomfortable", will fly very quickly. And you - according to the acquired habit - all your life will look for answers to the vital questions of your grown child, although he has long ceased to ask them.
About it
There is one "inconvenient" question that all children ask their parents. The question is about where they come from. The most remarkable way it was formulated by one girl, the daughter of familiar philologists: "Mom, how do they publish children?" And this five-year-old Sonja and other modern city children would be strange to expose an antediluvian version of cabbage, stork or a store. They perhaps did not see the storks at all, the cabbage was only seen in the supermarket, and what shops exist are heard very well. So these options are nowhere suitable. The most popular adult answer to this question remains the classic phrase: "Children appear from my mother's belly," but the modern child is not so that to calm down on this. Most likely, he will ask further. And then there are no stereotypes. It is clear that with a three-year-old child on this topic you need to speak differently than with a five-year-old, with a girl - differently than with a boy. It is important to answer this question in such a way that the information received does not frighten him with excessive naturalism, but the figure of silence here is not necessary: in this case the child will feel that the parents are harboring something shameful from him, and this too can be fraught with psychological trauma .
Thinking Together
In a word, here as in the game - "Yes and no do not say black and white do not take". Do not shirk, do not be cunning, and do not be angry. All the rest is up to you. There are no general tips here, all children are different, and much depends on your parental intuition, which will allow you to find the right words and the exact intonation in the conversation with the baby, not adjusting to any norms. The main thing - giving answers to sensitive issues, take into account the level of development of the child. What he does not understand yet can still fly past his consciousness. In addition, remember: any information, including the one that the kid receives from you, consists not only of the facts, but also of their evaluation. And in this case, just your assessment is important, it is she who will form the child's attitude to "slippery" subjects of discussion. Simply put, it does not matter what the word that the uncle said in the store means, it is important that the word is not good. And the other uncle is fat, because he is sick, he is already so hard, so let's pity him, and we will not point a finger at him.