Who are single mothers?
A few decades ago, the woman's conscious choice to become a single mother seemed absurd. Now it's not uncommon. In large cities where life flows according to its rules, where the boundaries between the male and female beginnings are practically erased, many women decide to have a child, regardless of whether a suitable partner is found or not. As a rule, these are rather adult women who can give a child not only a roof over their heads, but are also ready to bear full responsibility for their well-being. These women do not need support or support from the state, they rely only on themselves.
Another category of women who often remain alone with children are young girls who have brought children too early, not being ready for it. Often they give birth to children out of wedlock or the marriage quickly disintegrates, as the children were not planned or desired for both parents. This happens when a girl starts living an adult life too quickly and early, but can not take full responsibility for her actions. Which leads to early pregnancies.
Well, the most common category is single mothers, who were left alone after the divorce. Unfortunately, no one is immune from troubles and disappointments. When people create a family, they hope for the best, but with time people and their values change, the spouses are not on their way. It does not matter who initiates the gap, for whatever reason, it is much more important that the child is deprived. Mothers have to take upon themselves the role of father in the upbringing of the child.
Difficulties
Single mothers need help almost always. And it's not just about money, as most women still have the opportunity to earn enough to provide for themselves and their child. Much more difficulties are brought by society.
Firstly, often a woman who brings up a child alone has a double responsibility for him. Strongly or unwillingly, but it is being subjected to more stringent requirements, up to the point that people look askance at any attempts to arrange a personal life, visits are treated as debauches, traumatizing the psyche of the child, even if the woman behaves strictly within the bounds of decency. It turns out that for a right to have a personal life and be happy, a single mother pays with open condemnation.
Secondly, a woman faces many situations in which both parents are involved, which also does not have a very favorable effect on her emotional state. At moments when married women can count on the help and support of the husband, single mothers are forced to manage themselves. In the absence of such help, women often become isolated, in their lives there is rarely a place for anything other than a child and work.
Thirdly, it is no secret that single mothers are exposed to emotional pressure from others. This manifests itself in different ways. Married girlfriends treat them condescendingly, often condemning, because in our society it is widely believed that the responsibility for the preservation of the family lies entirely with the woman. If a woman could not find a man or hold him, then the fault is added to her. Often there are problems at work related to hospital care for children, there are often cases where relatives do not intervene too well in the upbringing of the child, believing that alone the mother will not be able to cope with this.
There are other problems that single mothers know not by hearsay. It is especially difficult to explain to grown up children, where their father is, why he does not live with them.
Solution
It would seem that nothing is easier - it's enough to find a good husband and father to your children to solve all the problems of single mothers at once. But, sad as it may seem, if the children do not need their own father, someone else's uncle needs them even less. A woman is not always ready for a serious relationship, it is psychologically difficult for her to believe another man. In addition, mothers are worried about how the further relationship of their children with their stepfather will develop, because in any conflict they will feel guilty. Some women are lucky, they meet a person who becomes a real father for their children and support for themselves, but this does not always happen.
If there is no suitable man, then you need to learn to solve your problems yourself. Do not forget that men's education for children is very important, regardless of their gender. Both girls and boys need a man's hand. It's great if the father maintains relations with the children after the divorce, but if not, you need to look for a way out. Of course. To bring up children a stranger can not, but the influence of close people is necessary. It can be a grandfather, uncle, a good acquaintance who could from time to time deal with children, walk with them, communicate. Even rare, but regular meetings will be very useful and will help children survive the shortage of their father.
It is very important for a woman to work on her self-esteem. Under the influence of public opinion and a difficult life situation, she often suffers. The need to feel like a full-fledged person, worthy of happiness, can not be denied. Therefore, it is important to try to find something in life besides past failures, difficulties with children and daily routine. It is enough to try to find something that helps maintain spiritual comfort in order to get rid of feelings of guilt and other negative emotions. This is also necessary for your children, since a happy mother is much better than a mother unhappy.
Another mistake often made by single mothers is excessive custody of children. It is not surprising that children become for them the most important people in life, at least for some time. But hyperopeak is harmful to the child's psyche. The baby in such a situation will grow up unsettled, dependent and infantile. The mother should think about the time when her child will grow up and be ready for an independent life. Therefore, she must take care that he was happy not only in his childhood, that is, to work for the future. Therefore, no matter how great the temptation, in no case should you inspire the child that people can not be trusted, even if a woman has recently survived a betrayal. Often this is the sin of single mothers with daughters, they literally teach them that all men must betray and deceive. That distorts the real picture of the world of the child and affects further relationships with the opposite sex.
Single mothers live a difficult life, but often even more complicate it themselves. It would be a mistake to think that having a child or divorcing calls into question the possibility of further happiness. It is important to preserve in oneself those qualities that allow you to believe in the best, to be open and benevolent. In the lives of such women, the interests of themselves and their children should come first. With such an attitude to life, there will be no place for feelings about someone's chattering phrases or difficulties with self-esteem. Each mother has enough opportunities to make her child happy and be happy herself. You just need to use them.