Do you know how to go to visit?
Do not be surprised by this question, many do not suspect that to go to visit, you need to follow certain rules. To friends on the anniversary of the wedding, friends do not go to mourning attire, but to a cup of tea to a neighbor, do not go to an evening dress. Think about where the proverb came from, that an uninvited guest is worse than a Tatar. Not just, from scratch, it was invented. If you think about it, then another proverb is: "guest in the house, master of joy." But it is very important to determine which host, and what guest.
If you are not invited, write an e-mail or call. Do not even the closest people fall like snow on their heads, because it may be the visit of a beloved grandson or the visit of an adored daughter will violate the important plans of the owners. Of course, your relatives or close friends will be glad to see you at any time, but you can only make an impromptu visit when there is no way to warn about your arrival. In order for the owners and themselves not to put in an embarrassing situation, you need to remember that making a visit without warning is permissible in case of emergency or in case of emergency.
If it's completely unfamiliar or unfamiliar people, then you can not do without a simple warning. You need to have an official invitation, specify the nature of the event you are invited to. And the specific time of visit.
But the cases are different, and if you have to come without a special invitation, you need to remember that guests do not go late at night or early in the morning. We do not know what matters are planned for the owners of the house. We'll have to take a walk somewhere before noon, if there's no more business. And after the "admiral's hour" with respectful reasons, with apologies, but not with empty hands. Do not be unnecessary beautiful biscuit to the table or flower mistress.
On a visit after eight o'clock it is better not to go without a special invitation. Such eccentricity can afford young companies, or people leading a bohemian way of life. But they have their own rules, the lack of any etiquette, and we would like to be secular and respectable people. All this concerns visits to private homes, and at "open secular events," they have their own rules, and they are not interesting to us and are not needed.
Suppose you came without an invitation and immediately realized that they had violated the plans of the owners. It is necessary to urgently seek an excuse and quickly leave, while remembering some urgent matter. But it's easier and better to apologize for having brought concern to people and can agree on a different place, and at a more convenient time. You should not be deceived by the politeness and cordiality of the owners of the house, no matter how much they squandered courtesies. If you decide to leave, leave.
If you came, then before you opened the door, follow the rules. Go to the door and give a short call. Do not press the bell button, as if it's a fire alarm button on the ship. If you did not open immediately, wait for a while and call more timidly. Maybe there is no one at home, and maybe the owners do not react to this call. And your insistence, only will say that you are not well educated. If the owners of the house, it is enough to make two calls, and if they want to open, they will do it.
If the door is opened not by someone you came to, but someone from the family, and the person is not at home, you can explain where he can be found. But you do not have to step on the same rake and come back to one place and not on time, where you do not know and do not want to know you. Only if it concerns the issue of life or death, you can go look for this person from other people. But everyone has a phone, and it was invented for him to be able to call someone.
You can not take strangers with you if you have not previously agreed on this. It is better to call and postpone your visit than to lead an outsider, and then be responsible for the actions of this person, it is better to answer only for yourself.
If on time your visit coincides with dinner or dinner and the hostess politely invites you to the table, it is better to thank and refuse, saying that you have recently eaten. If the hostess shows persistence, puts for you an additional device, then do not persist. It is not proper to leave immediately after a meal, it may seem that you have used the house of friends as some kind of free cafe.
A few short rules that must be observed when you go to visit in a decent time.
- You need to visit small children with children in those homes where they will be happy or where there are children. On a visit, it is indecent to walk with dogs only if they are the same inveterate dogs, the same as you.
- A short visit can be made on weekends after 12 hours and in the evening, but not at lunchtime.
- Visits for the purpose of presenting acquaintances and return visits may lead to constant acquaintance. But if the relationship is formal courtesy, then the visit should be no more than 15 or 20 minutes.
If you permanently or permanently leave the place where you have lived long, then visit your closest friends, or write a letter, or call to inform about your departure. Then there is a chance that you will come to the airport or train station. On return, the reverse procedure is done, if you do not want to be met.
On important events and family holidays visit with the purpose of congratulation. It is customary here to give gifts and flowers.
On Saturdays and pre-holidays it is undesirable to make visits, because these days people are preparing for the holiday and are cleaning up and so on.
The length of the visit depends on the feelings of the visitor's tact, on the circumstances, on his character. The shortest visit time is from 10 to 15 minutes. If you went to visit for a short time and for some reason, do not look at the clock, as this can offend the hosts. It's better just to apologize and if it's possible to explain the reason for leaving, or to leave early, just refer to an urgent matter.
But you were invited to visit, announced an occasion, and the time was appointed. And if you just do not come, it will be considered the top of bad manners. And you have no time, not interesting, there are more important matters and you do not want to go. Is it so, but as many as you like.
If you do not want to, you can refer to the painful condition that has fallen on you. But first happily agree, and then do not come, it's indecent, as with no good reason to refuse and do not go on a visit.
Only very important and unforeseen circumstances can cancel the meeting. The educated person will warn the owner of the house, about his unpleasant combination of circumstances. Some believe that the reason for the refusal can not be explained, but connoisseurs of etiquette say that it is necessary to name the reason. Either the owner may not know what to think about you.
They come to visit to the appointed time, and not one hour before the appointed time, or 3 hours after. Let's say that you arrive 10 minutes before the appointed time, and this is encouraged, but a 2-minute delay is considered indecent. It will be interesting that the invited events will be a good way to be late for 15 or 20 minutes. But late for more than half an hour, can only afford a star or an important person, because they are not late, but delayed.
At family celebrations, these rules do not work. One of the relatives comes early to help the hostess in the preparation of food, someone without any explanation comes later, everyone already knows about him that he will be late. After all, he has such a character store or a job like that. One guest is specially invited 4 hours ahead of schedule so that she can arrive with a minimum delay. But all this has nothing to do with etiquette, and is not a sign of a good tone. After all, "each house has its own toys," and in every family there is a way to celebrate the celebrations.
How to behave at the table
There are several rules that must be observed at the reception, sitting at the table:
- you need to sit straight, do not touch the table with your hands, the distance from the table to you should be less than the palm of your hand,
- devices take those that lie farther from the plate,
- if you do not need a knife or fork, you need to put them on the edge of the plate,
- if you are finished, have the appliances placed parallel to each other, if you only did a pause, put the instruments crosswise,
- the free hand should lie not on the table, but on the knee,
- a napkin should be placed on your knees, and after dinner, you need to put it on the left of the plate,
- if for some reason you can not eat this dish, you need to pretend that you tried this dish, and do not try to refuse it.
- eat so that you can support the conversation so that your interlocutors do not have to wait until you swallow a piece.
There are several tips that will be useful for every person:
- Going to visit, try to make the mood correspond to the case, it will be indecent to come in a bad mood, and demonstrate it. The guest should remember that in relation to the owners he has his duties, as well as to those who came with him.
- If you must leave earlier, do not attract the attention of other people, say goodbye only to the owners, and explain the reason for leaving.
- If you can not escape unnoticed, you must make a general bow to all the remaining people.
- When you are visiting, do not lose the sense of time, you need to leave earlier, when you feel that the owners are tired.
- If the owner looks at the clock or as if casually say about something unfinished, then no matter how you would like to stay, you need to leave as soon as possible.
- If you were invited to "come in the evening", then you need to leave no later than 22-23 hours. Only at the New Year's Eve or at the wedding is allowed to have fun until the morning, but this, if the hosts will not be a burden. Do not forget that the reception of guests for the hosts is a lot of stress.
- From the company usually the elderly people leave first, and after they left, one should not stay long and young.
- When bidding farewell, the hosts and guests should thank each other for their well-spent time and the pleasure they brought. Each host passes his master to the door, and the hostess and the other guests stay in the room. When the guests leave, they must open the door themselves, so that they do not get the impression that they want to get rid of the guests as soon as possible. If necessary, the owner himself helps open the door. If the guests are few, the owners help them dress. The last duty of the owner is to lead a lonely woman home. Sometimes the landlord can ask a couple or one of the guests about it.
Then the well-known subtleties begin. In theory, the guest should invite the owners to pay a return visit to him, and, by virtue of their abilities, arrange a reciprocal reception. But more often it ends differently. But while mandatory exchanges of visits have not entered into practice, you can do without them, because most people are not ready for this. If you met good people, and you decided to continue acquaintance, then you need to invite the hosts of the house in whose house you met.
If you want to thank the hosts for the reception, you can invite them to a picnic, a cafe, a concert, a theater. That is, if these people are pleasant to you, then you can find a way to continue this acquaintance. Thus, you can continue to communicate with these people, to establish business and friendly relations.
It is easy to follow any rules if you act with others as if you wanted others to behave this way with you. If you remember this, you will do everything right. For example, you want to visit you during the illness, visit your colleagues and friends. They can bring sweets, fruits, flowers without a strong smell. A tactful person will show maximum participation and attention to the patient, try to instill faith in people to whom he entrusted his health.
The main condition for good tone is goodwill, politeness, the ability to be moderate in the use of drinks and food, the ability to support the conversation. You do not need knowledge of the subtleties of etiquette, it does not take much effort, it is enough to know the rules of decency, which are familiar to every person since childhood.
Going to visit, you need to know at least a few subtleties of guest etiquette, to feel confident at a party and not to confuse the fork and knife.