I like myself
The main and necessary condition for a good mood of a baby is a feeling: "Everything is all right with me, I am as necessary, what should be." And it depends entirely on the closest people - from you, dad, grandfathers and grandmothers. After all, the family gives the child the first idea of himself. The one-week-old molehill already shows the positive side of his innate nature. Yes, yes, a smile! She can tell Mom a lot. Here, and "read" out loud everything you saw on the face of the little fellow: "You're smiling, my sun! Strive and know how to rejoice, happy that he came into this life! Of course, you believe that we all love you and will always be with you! You are ready to love us in return! "And let it seem to you that the child is not available what you are talking about. Just know, it is very important, because it is printed in the memory of the crumbs, and in the future it is realized by it. Verified by the experience of many loving families. Do you doubt? But in fact you sing lullabies, you read to the kid of poteshka ... What message do they carry? That the child is the most wonderful creature in the whole world. With clear eyes and fast legs, with skillful handles and a curious nose. From you it is required not to invent, but to ascertain the fact. Are not you looking at your crumb, do you consider it a miracle? Repeat this to him with every smile, every joyful "aga". And in a natural way he will form the notion that the world is a place for mutual love and joy, that he himself is endowed with the ability to be happy and do such others.
Hurray, it was possible!
What was the baby's first reaction to movement, light, sound? Curiosity, delight, surprise ... How much positive in your own little bit you can discover for yourself and for yourself! Do not just watch, but tell him that he shows great potential for knowledge: "You are all interested, you are an inquisitive person, you are trying to understand what is happening, to understand what the world is made of." Do you think the kid does not understand you? Agree, you always explain something: "The ball is jumping, the sun is shining, the music is playing ..." This he has learned to understand, right? Hence, he realizes that he is a true pioneer. In the future, he will trust his qualities, with pleasure to study. And enjoy yourself, because thanks to your curiosity and thoughtfulness life becomes so interesting and exciting! Notice how he takes your words? As a matter of course. He looked carefully: "Aha, I understand!" - and continues what he started. And with what tenacity! Well, who would make a thousand attempts from adults to turn over from side to side or crawl forward, even if it turns back. Do you understand what we're hinting at? We are sure, then you will add the phrase about perseverance and pleasure. Encourage your winner!
Work on bugs
If you carefully observe how adults in the family communicate with the baby, you will notice - from the very first days he is constantly evaluating, and most often deuces. Nothing like this? And did not you ever say something like: "Why are you climbing to a hot stove, an ugly creature!" Or "Look, how much water has spilled, you're such a fool!"? One time is enough for the baby to feel it by intonation: he is bad. And at the subconscious level he concluded: to be active, to be curious, to act on one's own initiative is not good. But this is so for the crumbs of course ... But it turns out, to be what it is - by yourself, bad ... Such an opening offends the baby. He responds with a protesting roar, tries to resist physically - escapes, strikes the one who blames him. For this he is also punished ... While the baby is very small, he has to obey. Do not poke your nose, which should not be or poke, until no one sees. Sit quietly or dismantle some object, and then with honest eyes assert: "It's not me!" The mood, however, in this everyday war everyone in the family is quite depressed. And in the future will not be happy. After all, a person grows who carries a feeling hidden in his soul "it's bad to be what I am". And further development of the child as a whole will occur in an atmosphere of conflict with parents. But the saddest thing is that after a few years he will be blamed for the lack of those qualities that have been suppressed. Mom and Dad will begin to blame for laziness, lack of initiative and dislike! It is better not to get involved in making marks to the baby. Not only negative, but also positive. What are the bad positive? - you ask? And the fact that the crumb does not have confidence: tomorrow, he will be able to be a "jaunty", "umnichka", "obedient boy? .. And this can suppress the craving somewhere to climb, nascodit. In the evening, he will demonstrate what he praised in the morning (for example, he will cope with a new skill - tie a shoelace on his shoes, fasten a button, do not spoon a spoon with soup), but there will be no appraisal. It turns out that he tried in vain? Kroha is afraid to disappoint you, and this, too, does not give him the opportunity to rejoice in his achievements. But they are valuable in themselves! Therefore, we propose: call aloud the actions that the crumb takes, even if at the moment they are inappropriate or inept, and guide these actions without assessments. For example: "How interesting to touch the fire ... but this can not be done" or "I want to understand how and where the water flows ... it's just that we will not pour it on the floor." Be sure to mention those positive qualities that you notice in your baby, mark any achievements. Say: "Today you have already figured out which side to push the button into the loop. So, learning is progressing. Soon and at fingers all will turn out ". We assure you that the mood with you will always be excellent!
The rain pokapal and passed ...
Of course, you do not always succeed in following a "competent" line of conduct. And the baby will not react as you expect, based on your "right" psychological methods of communicating with him. Sometimes it may seem: all diligence is in vain, quarrels with the child can not be avoided, and punishment can not be dispensed with. You're upset, the fowl is frowning. At such a moment, the main thing is not to get discouraged. Nothing, never, no one is smooth. This is normal. The crumb will be both stubborn, and angry, and cry bitterly. And you take offense at him and doubt yourself. And with all this, you will still remain a good mother, and your child who is not upbringing is the best child on the planet. Because after the storm necessarily look out the sun. And suddenly the results of the work done will be visible. It turns out all is not in vain! Your task - to create a day-to-day relationship of trust between you, the conviction of the baby that you always help him to cope with difficulties. So do not despair, do not lose faith and do not give up the effort to create such a relationship. And in those moments when you are angry with your baby, keep yourself in hand. And even in conflict situations, do not give him negative characteristics - in any case do not label him. The secret to understanding a baby is simple: everything that is good in it is inherent, inherent in it qualities. Manifestations of the "bad" are only a reaction to the inability to control the situation or feelings, misunderstanding of oneself and others. But this is not the quality of your child! Do not tell him that he is a snake, a crybaby, a stubborn, do not form a negative image of himself. Just calmly, without condemnation, tell him the feelings that he feels in the conflict: "I took the scissors, and you are offended at me" or "You are very angry." Thus, you give the baby to understand that you accept it by anyone and help you understand yourself. Then, just calmly, direct the actions of the crumbs in the right direction: "But the scissors will have to be given, we will later learn together how to use them." Do not forbid the child to live his negative feelings. If he is still angry or, on the contrary, cries, continue to "take" his experiences: "You are still hurt, tears all flow. It happens to all. " You will be convinced that such acceptance helps to live the negative and to get rid of it much faster than banning, suppressing and distracting from these feelings. When "bad weather in the house" subsides, pay attention to the baby: "Here are the angry, and our love is left. It's very joyful. " Gradually, the karapuz will learn to control his feelings, not being frightened of them and not thinking badly about himself.
Other people
It would seem that the house is quiet and smooth. Conflicts, if they do, then you or the husband quickly decide everything. Especially when you are acting together. Sometimes you catch yourself thinking: order, discipline and strict adherence to the chosen method of upbringing has borne fruit. The karapuz does not ache, it does not hurt. You understand each other with a half-word. But it's worth to come to my grandmother and make a small remark to the baby, as he immediately explodes. Of course, it is easiest to blame mother or mother-in-law, and her husband once again to say: they say, do not interfere. Cardinally. That's just all lose. Is not it better to teach a child to cope with a storm in the shower? Explain that the grandmother was brought up differently. To her were strict, demanded a lot. So she demands. Not because he wants to offend the grandson. It's just that it can not be otherwise. You know what you teach crumbs? Accepting others is exactly the same as you once learned to accept it. You look, and grandmother's remarks no longer bring to tears. She thinks: "How's the water from the goose"? Well, let. You know something about what you want, peace and mutual understanding. Perhaps, each time facing outsiders, the baby will complain to you. Teach him to "read" people. One did not like in childhood, so he responds the same to all without parsing the children. The other simply does not know how to express one's feelings. Poor things! It turns out that one day they were deprived of many. Those who are sympathetic are no longer dangerous. They have nothing to be angry about. Consequently, the child will not save offense in the soul.
Good example
Children copy adults. And it is true that when the mother is always sad, and the dad with a severe expression of the face is watching television, the child grows up closed, uninformed. And at mummy-hohhotushki and the father-neposeda karapuz is sports, looks cheerful. But it's not so simple. Sometimes, on a shower, cats scratch. Then you can not make yourself laugh. Do you know what the habit is? In the approach to life. Mom-laughter is not a windy person. It's just that she does not save grievances, she does not carry sorrow in herself. And Papa even more so! He discovered the law long ago: joy is in motion. Try to look at the world positively. Even if it is difficult. Try to find in yourself if not compassion for your offenders, then at least understanding them then you will learn to forgive. The seller did not give you change? She grew up in poverty, the fear of poverty haunts her, she does not know how to fight him ... It's unworthy, but she's sorry. And even the bus plunged mud. But it's not a grief, it's just a shame! You can immediately designate the whole day as unsuccessful. But is it worth it? To balance, enough to smile, shake off and go on. Who does not happen ... Baby, maybe it will not be there. But soon you will come home. It depends on you what you bring with you. Or is it near you? As you do now, so it is in the future.
Pleasure on demand
Happiness is a relative concept. Someone is happy about my mother's arrival from work or a simple candy. Sometimes he even sizzles when he is presented with a real circus performance. And it's stupid to blame him. Do you remember that you can not deny feelings and, distracting, you will not achieve anything? But the choice is always there. Leave it to him! Say: "I see that nothing pleases you. But you can decide: further sit and sulk or drink tea with jam with us. We'll joke together - suddenly you'll like it. " What do you think, how long will he stay in the corner? Generally, children are very resourceful. And they know how to enjoy even trifles. Sincerely, with all my heart. But only with age do they forget about this ability. Do you remember? Then use it daily. And your karapuz also retains the desire to enjoy ordinary things. This will become his talisman.