When meeting with alumni, at any age the first question is: "Are you married?". And after all, what is most insulting, do not ask about the heights and achievements, not about the successes in the career, but only about it.
But this is life, and the woman is destined to have a family, children, to continue the human race. It is for these categories that its success is measured. And if after graduation in 10, 20 or 30 years of this there is nothing, they begin to sympathize with her. They smile gloomily, rejoicing at someone else's grief, or they start offering their services, sigh and lament. As you want to silence them, at the same time prove your worth, so you want to plug everyone into the belt.
The problem is not worth the eaten egg, at first glance. And from immodest and intrusive questions you just have to brush it off, and do not pay attention. After all, in the end, it all affects you and no one else, it's your personal life. But the sad thing is that you ask yourself this question, and then you can not deceive yourself and you can not get away anywhere. If you are already 30 years old, you still do not have a family, then this is the diagnosis that you set yourself.
Planet of single women
Sociologists say that our planet will soon turn into a planet of single women, this phenomenon has become very massive, namely female loneliness. And this is for women, whose age has exceeded forty years. And for that there are objective reasons.
According to statistics, the number of women exceeds men. With age, the gap increases, because men have less life expectancy, and higher mortality. For example, in Russia there are 10 million fewer men than women, in Ukraine, four women account for one man. And here the statistics do not speak in favor of women.
Most men have bad habits, problems with their place of residence, health, wages, work, with the law, and so on. The significant professional and personal growth of women who are involved in cultural and political life, the pursuit of opportunities and equal rights, financial independence lead to a woman's increased demands. Constantly developing modern women can not indefinitely reduce the bar and want to see next to men, the same level, and maybe higher.
The large migration of the population to cities, where the lifestyle tends towards the distance of people from each other, to their isolation, and it turns terrible loneliness in the crowd. According to the new statistical reports, the life experience of single women was investigated, and they came to the conclusion that the chance for a lonely forty-year-old woman to marry was 20%. But you do not need to believe statistics, you need to meet your happiness. In any case, it can distract you from your imperfection and from sad thoughts. And first determine how you feel about the label "old maid."
What kind of single women are they?
1. Those who are "not steamed" in this regard, and refers to the fact that they are not married, as to some temporary phenomenon. They say that they did not meet someone with whom they could link their lives.
2. Those who cry in the pillow, justify, complex, experience and so on. Pathologically they want to get closer and panically fear it, hopelessly creep into their own shell and fall into a stupor from fear.
3. Principle and convinced feminists who are busy in their careers and purposely avoid marriage. They consider men to be limited beings, dirty, low, who are unworthy of their precious female attention. And at the same time, this does not prevent them from using for sexual detente, as sponsors, in subsidiary work.
But no matter how they classified and shared this phenomenon, the fact remains that these women are single. And, regardless of what group they belong to, they need to put their own accents, how to move to happiness. Each woman has her own "potion".
How can one get rid of loneliness?
Do not deceive yourself.
To not speak in public, this or that woman, all the same a normal woman wants to have a loved one, children, family and be happy next to a loved one.
Women, defending themselves against intrusive questions and attacks, prefer to think up a legend about their happiness without a man. They emphasize that they do not want to get married out of principle. They do not need men, they just have problems. Since they are rich, self-sufficient, successful, and so on. In fact, all this craftiness, loneliness does not bring satisfaction, does not console or adorn the woman. Sometimes, even very independent women want to be loved, not free, weak and dependent people. Although once in their lives they are racking their brains over such a question: "Why is not lucky with men?".
Expand the whole world
Leave your cocoon, because you have a chance to turn into a butterfly, until they themselves become a grandmother. Those women who consider their loneliness temporary, do everything to be able to end it, they have more chances to become happy than those who climbed into the sink and put a cross on themselves.
Alone, of course, there are many advantages: one does not have to suffer from bad deeds and other people's shortcomings, one should not depend on anyone, share, do not need to reckon with anyone, nobody corrects, dictates, or jerks.
You are the mistress of your life and belong to yourself. Perhaps you think that when you get married, you lose such an opportunity, how to be yourself? Avoid intimacy, for fear of becoming a toy in someone else's hands and getting into snares? Of course, you do not want those around you to read "unhappy", "narcissistic", "proud", "jammed"? After this, any man will want to come into contact with you, and uncover the untold riches of your soul. Such fans in the day with fire you will not find.
How to find a husband?
Do not stop searching
You did not make yourself a program of your own happiness? It will be naive to believe that it will fall from the sky, to those who burst into tears over soap operas, lazybones? But in what century do we live? Do not let go of your hands. You need to step forward to meet your destiny. Something must be constantly undertaken, sought.
There are many ways to get acquainted, even for such "hopeless snails, who are afraid to stick their nose out of their unapproachable shell. These are endless Internet networks, a landing, a garden plot, work, rest, sports, clubs on interests. And such a list could be continued and continued, it would be your desire. Many are embarrassed to seek their own happiness, they think that it is difficult to specially organize the personal life.
But did this chaste modest position bring happiness to you? Has anyone felt any better from your modesty, and if not, then why are you still sitting at home? Or do you have 2 more centuries left?
Do not get hung up on being alone
Others zealously get down to business, join the marathon, that they forget about life in general and about a normal existence. Do not focus on this problem, it will only exacerbate it. Do not think about its importance, it's better to let it be a game, and then, if it works out, it will be fine, but not too good, because it leaves expectations and prospects in the tone. Life should be treated easily and then it will become beautiful and easy.
In personal life, this is relevant, since everything is invariably reflected in your health, figure, face. And then it becomes public, which will again cover you with questions.
Work on yourself
All these women's problems, which are related to relationships with men and the lack of a family, are all treated with the help of careful study of oneself, yoga, sports, diets, smart books and psychologists. This inner work makes women happy and harmonious, regardless of whether you have created a family, or until nothing happens, whether there is a man nearby or not. The main secret is inside each of the women, and the key is not in anyone's pocket, but in your pocket.
How to cope with loneliness
When you come home, you are left alone. And a dull gray melancholy is wrapped in a dense cocoon. The TV has already become a member of the family, you are talking with the leading favorite radio stations. You are ready not to experience the feeling of loneliness, to resort to any tricks. Loneliness is an awareness of oneself and a special form of experience. Loneliness is born in the soul, this feeling, experience. After all, in the real world we are surrounded by people and at least we are surrounded by neighbors, colleagues at work, on our way ordinary passers-by meet daily. Loneliness is a form of experience and awareness of oneself as a homeless, lost unnecessary, deprived, forgotten, torn off, abandoned by all. What are the reasons behind that in such a dense society, a woman feels alone.
The reasons why you feel lonely
1. Exceeded expectations
There are our standards, they do not always coincide with the standards of others. They seem to us uninteresting, scary, more stupid. The search for the ideal superman can be dragged on for a long time, and the threat to remain alone grows steadily.
Our solution. It is not necessary to search for the ideal friend or the ideal man, after all ideals do not exist. Usually the ideal image is not based on real life experience, but is formed in photographs, music, movies, books. In this case, the broken connection with the real world does not make it clear that in the real world these people may not be such good interlocutors, lovers, friends as the heroes in the film. In any person, you can find a large number of negative features, and if you concentrate on them, it will destroy the connection. The best solution is to concentrate on positive character traits.
2. Fear of rejection, and as a result, fear of communication
Fear of rejection, fear - all this is based on a low self-esteem. These people are afraid to be rejected, because of the fear of being uninteresting. And they build a Chinese wall between themselves and the people around them. If you think that you are unworthy of love, then it will not be. Lonely people can not solve any business or personal issue, agree on something, they have difficulties when they need to call someone, they can not really have fun in companies.
Our solution. It is necessary to communicate, as if you were uninteresting and difficult. If you do not say a word, how will someone love you? Does it make sense for you to stay at home? After all, the main man just does not appear and does not fit comfortably under the bed. You do not have to pretend to be a heroine from a famous bike who, before the age of 40, looked under the bed trying to find a man, and after 40 years put up another bed, so that the chances of getting acquainted appeared.
Nobody canceled nightclubs and karaoke bars, gym, swimming pool and walks with friends. Many get acquainted on the Internet. This is not always the key to success, often men are looking for a relationship for just 1 night. Many people are embarrassed to go in public places or on the street, but on the Internet they are not afraid to flirt, flirt, are not afraid to express their feelings. It is worth choosing carefully yourself friends, you do not need to hang around the neck of the first cute blonde in the photo, because he said that you are very attractive in photography. If you think that you are unworthy of love, then there will be no love.
3. Subconscious reluctance to communicate
Such people like and want to communicate, but quickly lost interest and they are tired. The feeling of loneliness is based on temperament, on personal characteristics, that is, on subconscious settings that are difficult to correct.
Love yourself, live in harmony with your inner world, in harmony with yourself, live for yourself. It will not be easy. For starters, it will be necessary to perceive the world, such as it is seen by employees who always shuffle behind their backs, through the eyes of their grandmothers, who are interested in why you are 30 years old without children and not married? Take on the arms of affirmations and auto-training, forget that they exist. Spend time to yourself, take care of your favorite things, so that the whole day was filled with positive emotions. If you do not want to wash dishes, do not wash, no one will see it, and this is the main plus of loneliness. You can listen to music, read your favorite book, take a warm bath, take a walk before going to bed, watch your favorite movie.
To the person who radiates harmony, at the subconscious level, people stretch towards her. A good sense of humor, optimism, sincere and friendly smile will not leave people around indifferent. If your thoughts are occupied by your loneliness, then such a vicious circle is unlikely to break. Ask a question? Will life be good if you live by the principle of "it is better to be with someone than one?" It's all about you, you need to change so as not to extend a helping hand to others, but to get away from loneliness. When we say that we are alone, this indicates that there is no "prince on a white horse." Change your approach to loneliness and ask yourself what you need to change in yourself, so as not to be lonely. It is better to struggle with loneliness alone.
Exercises will help
1. "Request"
The barrier of communication needs to be removed according to the principles of shock therapy. Begin the exercises with a request.
Ask questions to passers-by, as if in passing, accidentally. Find light words.
"Can you help me?" ... "I wanted to ask you" or "It would be great if you helped me," while making clear that you will not be offended if you are refused. These cautious requests, when you know in advance that you will be refused, and just need to accustom yourself to failure, and in advance you need to tune in to it. There will be no resentment, there will be no complexities in communication.
2. "Day of struggle against loneliness"
Choose a day at the end of the workweek, it can be Friday or Saturday, when you can afford to go to a performance of your favorite band or to a club or an exhibition, in one word to where you feel comfortable. You intend to combine the useful with the pleasant, and go there not only to listen or see, but to the training on communication. Just go to the person who you liked, and ask what his opinion about this event. You need to remember about the smile and keep a positive mood.
3. Meditation "My Fire"
As it does not sound strange, you need to fight alone with yourself with loneliness. One of the effective means, it will be meditation, which is aimed at recreating harmony and finding an inner core. Close your eyes, imagine it's already evening. You left the house and walked through the park. You do not hurry, just walk yourself. The snow sparkles in the beams of lanterns, along the road melted drifts. You stopped and admire the snow. Raise your eyes and see houses with lighted windows, in which the light is burning. And in each window is a small world.
Imagine that inside you, too, this light is burning. It gives you a warm peace and comfort. And that with you does not happen, it will burn with a calm, warm, clear light. Light is a tongue of flame, you can take it in your hands, and here it is in front of you, in your hands. Thank him for peace and warmth. Admire the light and put it back. Now he will always be with you. Open your eyes.
Now we know how to cope with loneliness is not a young woman. Know that loneliness is born in your soul. So, you can change it.