- How much can you feed local bugs? - Wailed Mariyana. - I'm with these bugs in an embrace and die! I could not afford to laugh heartily. It was too sincere, genuine and bitterly suffering Maryana from the fact of living in her room bedbugs. So I had to pull myself together, and my friend - by the arm and dragged me to the cafe, where Oleg had been waiting for us for a long time.
He had his reasons for moving.
"I can no longer live with my ancestors," Oleg said in a mournful voice.
- And why moan? - we were surprised. - You live on everything ready! Do you want to cook yourself, wash socks and wash the toilet?
- Girls, do not believe it, I want to! - literally shouted Olezhek, and we collapsed with laughter. Our friend is clearly crazy! The noise attracted the attention of the waitress, she approached and politely inquired.
Olezhka from the intrusive care of his parents was ready to flee to the end of the world, rent an apartment, wash his socks and cook.
"Can you laugh less quietly?" The threat worked, and we smiled modestly, staring at our foaming beer.
I wondered why I needed a move . Life in the parental apartment suited me. But, living separately, I will feel older, more responsible, or something. I always wanted to live separately, but I never did anything for this. This epic with my suffering friends pushed to take decisive action. "Why not rent a flat for three? I thought. "Well, what a saving!" Olezhku in the middle of the night you can always ask to run for cigarettes, and Mariyanka cooks simply amazing. "
"So it is," I began emphatically. - There is an excellent way out of the impasse! Let's rent an apartment for three.
"It's so unexpected!" - Mariana was running wild. - My salary is not coming soon.
"Well, you, mother, are strange," Oleg blurted out irritably. "It's not going to happen tomorrow!" The apartment is still to be found ...
- Do not be distructed! - I got angry. - Answer, in fact! Do they agree or not? The ingenious idea invented a minute ago seemed so tempting, and I really wanted them to agree. Mariyana, pinched her lips, looked thoughtfully into the distance. Oleg scratched his head in concentration. After a minute of intense reflection, the friends agreed to live together, and we began to develop a general plan of action. At first we decided to go to the addresses of the threesome. They actively smiled at the mistresses of extra square meters and tried to convince them that we are the cleanest and most respectable students in the world. Oleg kissed the hostesses of the hand, smiled charmingly and even joked. Mariyana repeated ceaselessly, looking into the eyes of the victims: "How do you look like my beloved grandmother (auntie, sister - the text changed depending on the age of the owners of apartments)." And I, considering another stinky hole, admired the wonders of planning and "stunned" view from the window. After several unsuccessful attempts, we became thoughtful. Something is wrong! Everything, as agreed: each of the hostess looked at us sidelong and after the question "Will you live here three of us?" Politely gave a turn from the gate.
And only at the end of the next day of testing the owner of the apartment on Bereznyak explained embarrassed: "No, guys, perverts I do not need here." And quickly slammed the door in front of our noses. We stared at each other for a second, with a foolish smile, and then laughed so loudly that a dog began to howl behind the door.
- Oh my God! - through laughter squeezed out Olezhka. "All these people thought we were perverts!" Here gives the people! Well, I can not!
"Why should I be surprised?" We must ban the program "Windows", otherwise we will never find an apartment, "I squeaked. The next day our plan was substantially corrected.
"We'll have to walk in pairs," Oleg suggested. So everything is clear and not vulgar. We decided that our "landing party" would consist of Maryana and Oleg, and in the meantime, I will resolve my questions. And we did not lose out: the traditional "boy-girl" couple reacted much better. True, during the expedition it turned out that people do not believe in a legend like "we are only friends, nothing more" (chi-he, ha-ha). But the bride and groom believe with a desire, however, every time you have to kiss and hug! After several days of intensified searches, Oleg and Maryana found a more or less well-placed apartment after plenty of aiming. We were allowed to enter in two days, so a bunch of unforeseen problems piled on all three at once. Maryanu, for example, was mostly concerned with the only question: how to pack things in such a way so as not to transport their best enemies-bedbugs to a new apartment? I will not hide, this question worried me and Olezhka. Therefore, we secretly from Mariyana anonymously called the sanitary and epidemiological station in her hostel. And the room with her belongings was closed for quarantine. The girlfriend could not take them, therefore she crooked in the neighbors. In connection with these force majeure circumstances, Oleg and Mariana moved into the apartment, which the newlyweds took off - Oleg and Mariana.
This fact caused the hostess Nastasya Ivanovna a keen interest and many leading questions. After the explanations we managed to convince the blind old woman that I had visited Oleg before, and not another girl.
- And what will she say when she sees the live Maryasha? My first wife, so to speak! - scratching the thread, smirking and could no longer stop laughing Oleg.
"We will say that you are an unfortunate Iraqi refugee and married both of us, and we love you!" - I jumped at once. The first three days we dragged things into our new house, studied the neighborhood for the presence of shops, bus stops and were happy with sudden adulthood. On the fourth day, friends found out about our independent life, and the same evening was marked by the arrival of a large company consisting of our friends, friends of our friends, well, and so on until the unrecognizable and loss of logical connections. The holiday was liked by everyone, except for the girl-friend of the mistress of our apartment, who lived on the floor below. This grandmother from the first day, we called the "divine dandruff" for the reason that she was a very large dandelion. She also reported to Nastasya Ivanovna that she had to listen to our diabolical music all night. After a brief trial, Nastasya Ivanovna severely shook her finger and advised us to settle down. We vowed not to make any noise or disturb the "dandy" anymore.
The next morning happy Mariana came to us. She and her things exuded a nerve-paralytic smell. Helping Maryana to lay out her smelly things, Olezhka and I talked in vain about our yesterday's adventures.
"So there's a real spy downstairs?" - smiling, asked Mariyana.
"That's right, my captain!" - Reported Oleg-A still remember: my wife, I have to Katya. If the hostess suddenly appears, we will hide you in the bathroom or in the closet.
- Well! - Mariyanka was sarcastic, pouting. "I wonder how long we can stay here for three of us?" Yes, the question is, of course, topical, and it was not necessary to wait for a long time. In the evening of the same day the former Mariana's boyfriend arrived. Apparently, he drank decently before this for courage, because he hardly fell out of his Toyota and arranged a drama under our windows. First, timidly asked Mariyan to forgive everything and return to him. In an impulse of throwing promises foolishly even blurted out that he would quit drinking and smoking. After the appearance of the first grateful listeners, he broke away in earnest. He cried, cried, kneeling, praying, scattered with such heart-wrenching cliches that a crowd of onlookers heard someone's muffled sobs. After the lyrical part, apparently for completeness of sensations, Mariyankin blurted out that he decided to commit suicide, for which he immediately started his Toyota and smoothly crashed into the iron garage of Uncle Vova from the ground floor, without harming himself or the " Toyota, "or the garage door. It was a complete out. There was so much noise that the whole house was on its ears. Naturally, at one o'clock in the morning the owner's bell rang, and we began hurrying to collect our things ...