The art of saying compliments

Words have a very big influence on us. In time the said phrase can change a lot: personal life, career, attitude to a particular situation. Compliments are a whole art, a powerful way to influence yourself and other people. It would seem that it's easier to say to a person: "Do you look good today" or "did you perfectly manage this difficult task"? But it turns out that many of us have a real horror before telling a compliment to another.
Whatever it was, the ability to timely say the right compliment is a necessary skill or if you want art, if you would like to achieve the best results at minimal cost.
Let's talk about what prevents us from making compliments, how to overcome fears, how not to make mistakes and how to use folk wisdom "Affectionate word and cat nice" for personal purposes.

Lesson 1. Philosophy of compliments.

Praising the interlocutor is an ancient art. Yes, it's art. In the East it is still impossible to imagine communication between partners, colleagues, relatives and just acquaintances without beautiful ornate phrases and compliments. The history of many peoples tells us that the ability to speak compliments to ladies, gentlemen, kings often solved the fate of not only a few people, but also entire countries.
The goal of the compliment can be anything: the desire to arouse sympathy, strengthen the reputation, improve social status, influence the situation and even manipulation.

Remember what feelings you felt when someone noticed and noted your dignity and success. Remember how your attitude to man changed, depending on how pleasant things he said. Have you always been objective? Certainly not. Often we change our attitude towards people, which, even if they do not inspire confidence, but which are so pleasant to listen to! They tell us about our beauty, our mind, our ability to feel deeply and subtly, about some exceptional professional qualities, about the uniqueness of our thoughts.

Become a man who easily disarms a word, you can. Take for granted that the fact that a good compliment is always welcome. Therefore, you can manage anyone's attitudes at any time. This can be a communication guru, and you can also compliment people.

Lesson. 2. Bitter experience.

Many of us tried to say compliments. Why in this case there was no recoil? Why did not our kind words reach the addressee? Why were we so embarrassed for our words? Why did we feel uncomfortable? If compliments always accompanied such negative emotions, mankind would long ago stop saying pleasant things to each other. But, if there are still people who masterfully master the confidence of a person, raise their spirits and adjust to new achievements with a short phrase, then the problem is not in compliments themselves, but in something else.

Unsuccessful attempt.
The fear of telling someone a trivial "this suit is for you" is most often based on a previous unsuccessful attempt. Perhaps, once in your youth, you told the girls several times that they have the most beautiful hair or eyes, but they did not receive the expected thanks in return. Perhaps your attempts to talk about the merits of the man caused indifference. Maybe my colleagues did not react to the way you complimented them on their successes.
Firstly, strangely enough, many people simply do not know how to accept compliments. Someone prefers to pretend that he did not hear, someone quite convincingly refuses.
If you give people the opportunity to argue with your statement, they will do it. If your compliment sounds doubtful, people will prefer not to react to it or react sharply.

For the first time.
Doing something for the first time is always scary. We are afraid of the unknown, we involuntarily give the most ordinary event some special significance and take it too seriously.
The fear of telling another person a compliment stems from insecurity and for fear of not getting a decent reward. Many people want to hear in response not "thanks", but a full list of their own merits.
Doing something for the first time does not need to focus too much attention on this event. Do you want to hide the lack of experience? Treat your first compliment as an ordinary greeting.

There are some simple rules that will help you overcome fear and embarrassment before the task of saying a compliment.
1) Saying a compliment, tell it to the person who stands in front of you. Do not attempt to rehabilitate before those who once in the past did not appreciate your efforts.
2) Compliment does not oblige you to anything. Compliment to a girl is not yet an offer of a hand and a heart, a man is not willing to enter into an intimate relationship, this is not a declaration of love.
3) To say a compliment is not to admit defeat. When you say something good to someone, it does not mean that you are worse.
4) Saying compliments, you should not make long introductions and deep conclusions.
5) Saying compliments you do pleasant to other people, which means that this act should not cause regret or shame.

Lesson 3. How to avoid mistakes.

There are no generally accepted standards or templates that would help you create a universal compliment, acting absolutely always and at all. But there are some mistakes, without which, you will easily achieve success in the hard work of being a pleasant person.

1) Do not flatter.
There is a big difference between compliment and flattery, this difference is felt by most people. Proceed from the principle that flattery is equal to lies, and outright lies evoke emotions far from pleasant ones. Compliments can embellish the truth, but in no case should not contradict it.
Tell a bald man a compliment about the ability to care for hair is as ridiculous as trying to compare a woman with an obviously fat figure with a ballerina. If you ignore this rule, there is a great risk of being branded a sycophant who will no longer be trusted.
2) Be extremely specific.
Compliment should be targeted and specific. To say "all women are so beautiful" is a bad option. "You are beautiful" is the right decision. It is not necessary to generalize, but it is worthwhile justifying your opinion, this causes more confidence in your words, especially among distrustful people.
3) Be sincere.
Very simply he says pleasant words to the person you are sympathizing with. But in life there are different situations, when you need to say compliments not only to those you love. In this case, it's just worth noting some undeniable fact - a good suit, a convincing speech, a delicious dinner.
Be polite, open and say what you see, it will help to put anyone to your side.
4) Be concise.
A nice compliment is brief. This is not a congratulatory or laudatory speech. A compliment can consist of a couple of short sentences, no more. There is a great risk that without proper experience and without certain abilities, you will simply get confused by the end of the phrase and expose yourself in an unattractive light.
5) Dig deeper.
If you think you are good at people or know a person who would like to say a compliment, talk about something more than lies on the surface. Noting a new purchase, mention the ability to choose things with taste, the talent to look great in any circumstances or to create coziness even in hopeless cases. Talk about the virtues that lie behind the usual purchase of a dress or a car.
6) Use contrast.
In order that you could not be suspected of insincerity, say compliments to another in contrast to yourself. Say that you never managed to keep the papers in order, as a colleague does. Or, that it is more difficult for you to write a speech than to swim a river unlike a friend.
Avoid too exaggerated comparisons, talk about simple and obvious things, without belittling one's dignity. The compliment of a self-confident person, aware of their shortcomings and able to celebrate other people's dignity, is much appreciated.
7) Say what you want to hear from you. When people commit any acts, they wait for approval from others. Give them the opportunity to enjoy their own success.
8) Do not be intrusive. There is nothing worse than a person bothering others with ambiguous compliments or compliments that imply an answer. And there is nothing better than a man who is able on the move and with a smile to note something good in everyone who surrounds him. It is not necessary to press the person to the wall and monotonously list his supposedly dignity, you will cause negative emotions. Either do it easily, or do not do it at all.
9) Do not forget about yourself. Praise others and never praise yourself is very harmful. This will cause a strong sense of inferiority. Telling others about their advantages, do not forget about your own. You have many merits, which others only dream of, remind yourself of this daily. Praise yourself for every achievement, for every significant step. This will help you to be equal even with the most successful person.
10) Train daily! Mark in every person with whom you are reduced by life, something good. Notice something new in old acquaintances. Look for positive moments in everything. So you will not lack a reason to say a compliment, and the world will seem much friendlier.

Lesson 4. Select the object.

Now, when we know, if not all, then a great deal about the art of saying compliments, it remains to choose people to whom you will do them. Who can it be? Only loved ones? Only necessary? Or someone else?
I will answer simply: everyone who surrounds you. Compliments to relatives and loved ones will allow to maintain an even and warm relationship. Compliments to friends will help to strengthen friendship. Compliments to colleagues will smooth out acute angles - you will find assistants where you did not expect to be appreciated. Compliments to the authorities, if you observe the golden mean, will describe you as an open and intelligent person who UNDERSTAND. Do you understand?
Do not count the consequences of your compliment in terms of benefits. We can not know how our life will turn in the next moment. Perhaps you will remember an unknown girl to whom you said something pleasant on the street, or a man whom you praised for attention to a lady, it does not matter. Perhaps, they will help you to issue the necessary paper or choose something at the next chance meeting. Sooner or later good will come back to you.
Do not set goals to achieve benefits, even if the goal is the smile of the person you marked with a word. It is this goal that brings the greatest benefits.