Modern life mercilessly breaks the established stereotypes, and we are no longer shocked that sometimes the main earner in the family is a woman. The money it earns, of course, solves many problems of an economic nature. But at the same time they create completely new problems that are not so easy to resolve.
Sociologists and psychologists for a long time were interested in the question of what women think and feel, who turned out to be the main breadwinner in the family. Money provides power, authority, independence, position in society. Achieving these heights changes the psychology of the successful woman in business and her closest associates. That's where the problems begin.
Situation 1 . "Quarrels over trifles." Often, a successful woman at work is forced to carry out her usual duties in full, as if she did not work at all. Although men reluctantly acknowledged the woman's right to earn on a par with them, but take the burden of "female" responsibilities are in no hurry. As a result, the house is a mess, a mountain of unwashed dishes, and many other things that are unpleasant. And here, clenched teeth, tired after work, at midnight you scrub the toilet and at the same time wonder why, besides the service, you have to do housework, if you earn more than your husband, who already sees the third dream. The woman not only does not receive support and help, but also no moral compensation. An insult accumulates, which grows into an internal protest. As a result, marital relations give a break.
Situation 2. Not many men who have a good earning will want to recognize the power of a woman, even if she earns no less. This power of the woman frightens representatives of both sexes. A man by nature is predestined to be an earner. The better he can provide for his family, the more courageous and authoritative he feels himself both in society and in his own eyes. On the other hand, the woman-getter perceives herself as a "black sheep". Her authority and self-esteem suffer. A man feels uncomfortable next to such a woman, and a woman feels the duality of her position. Studies have shown that, to a greater extent, this problem concerns women over the age of 30. Women from 20 to 30 years, on whose shoulders fell out the role of a getter, perceived the problem as temporary and did not plan to support their spouse in a materially long time. That is, women themselves do not want to agree to play the role of the main provider for too long.
Situation 3 . The role of the mainstay of the family is sometimes unbearable for a woman. She experiences constant stressful situations, can not fall asleep at night. And all because it simply bends under the burden of tension and responsibility, which used to be characteristic only of men. And this despite the fact that most of the household chores and childcare are still on her. Interestingly, the more responsibility the woman takes, the less enthusiasm the men show in their attempts to find a decent job. The more a woman controls the situation, the more control on her part is felt by her husband. Family relationships again become shaky.
Situation 4 . The situation in the family where the woman is the main earner is often exacerbated by pressure from others, first of all, relatives. Of course, the spouses make attempts to look like a "normal" family in the eyes of others, conclude a tacit agreement with each other that they do not attach special importance to this and even deny the power of the woman that they give her income. For example, men who earn roughly the same amount as a woman, publicly declare that the wife's earnings go mainly to secondary purchases, completely unnecessary, and the food for the family is extracted by them. Women are much more sensitive to the experiences of their partners about financial dependence, so they play up to their husbands and downplay their role as a getter. On the one hand, women feel strength, on the other, they consciously go into the shadows to make the man feel strong. In the eyes of others this couple may look very fortunate, but just why most of these unions break up?
Situation 5 . Many women, who are the main breadwinners in the family, note that a particularly acute struggle, with the most severe consequences, flares up in the bedroom. A man refrains from sexual relations because he feels his financial weakness. He needs emotional support, but a woman needs sexual support in order to make sure she is still attractive. Sometimes it happens that the difficulty in sexual life is experienced by a woman. If she knows better where the family should go on vacation, what should be eaten for lunch and how to spend "free" money, she can feel more like a mom than a lover. And what kind of normal sexual relations are possible with the child?
Situation 6 . Maternity factor. Motherhood is that magical crystal that shows a woman who earns that the maintenance of the family is not her choice. Many women who, after giving birth, are forced to return to work, discover that it does not matter how much they love her. All this is not so important for them as a child. However, if you do not return to work, the family will not survive. Many mother-earners are exhausted under the yoke of the difficulty of combining official and family responsibilities in the first months after the birth of the child. As a result, they can not forgive the husband that the baby took the first step without it, and the first word was not made by "mom", and with more joy the little man holds out his hands to his father, and not to her, forced by the inability to provide the husband's family so a lot to lose in their communication with the child.
Reflections on the topic
Every woman decides for herself which way to choose. Despite the duality of their position, many of the women-miners would not want a fundamentally different life for themselves.
For female miners, it would be easier not to pay attention to the disapproving statements of others if they felt that members of the family are proud of them without any reservations.
Nevertheless, it is quite obvious that women would like someone to take care of them.
Even if a woman has adapted to the role of an employee and a breadwinner in the family, one can not really expect that a new life style of the family will also be formed quickly.
A woman who contributes the lion's share to the family budget will not feel satisfied if she does not reconsider her schedule, finds time to communicate with the child, does not support her husband in his attempts to find a decent income, will not try to keep close trust with him.
Psychologist's advice
In any case, do not stress your superiority. A higher salary does not give such a right. Do not succumb to the provocations of the husband, do not enter into a discussion of how much and what you do around the house. Most likely, his "discontent" you have no real ground. This is for him only a method of self-defense.
Do not do for your husband what he himself can do around the house. Very often active business women actually cultivate laziness in their husband, ahead of him and doing homework for him. They lack the patience and consistency necessary to gradually integrate her husband into domestic concerns. The man himself will not show initiative. Ask him to help you. Do not lose your temper when the work is done not very well or too slowly. Not all at once.
Do not blame her husband for being lazy, selfish, unsuccessful. Any of your comments will be used as an excuse for attacking your address. This requires a more subtle policy.
When you are sure that a husband can, but does not want to earn more, it may make sense to give up self-obtaining money. This will force her husband to "move."
If a husband develops complexes, it is useful to emphasize (constantly but imperceptibly) his weight in the family. "It's so good that you have me," "Without your support, I would not have achieved such success" From these words behind the man will grow wings. And only if you understand that the complexes are too deep and the attacks of the husband take rough, humiliating forms, part with it, so as not to turn your life into hell.
To make the husband feel comfortable, put all the income together (this can be a common box, from which each of you takes money). Discuss all items of expenditure, major purchases. Leave each sum for personal expenses (yours may be more - for a deposit).
It is not necessary, sparing husband's pride, to hide the true dimensions of his salary. The probability of disclosure is great, which threatens with even greater problems.
Do not press on the spouse. This always causes a backlash. Only a discussion, a confidential conversation will help to avoid conflicts and preserve peace in the family.
love4sex.ru