Wherever young people live with their husband's parents, the danger of conflict is always greater. The young mistress brings a new way of housekeeping to her new home, which is not to her liking for her mother-in-law. The bride still only learns how to farm, is often mistaken and, of course, very painfully perceives the comments of an experienced housewife. In such a situation, the husband should not stand in the pose of the arbitrator (by his position of husband and son, he is not fit for such a role), but always protect his wife, even when he sees that his mother, not his wife, is right. The husband must support his wife in her faith in herself, help her overcome temporary difficulties and inspire a sense of calm and satisfaction.
No son, even the most independent, is absolutely independent of the mother. He will never tell her directly what he thinks might offend her or allow her to interpret his words so that he prefers a young wife. It is all the more necessary for the son, who certainly stands on the side of his wife, left alone with his mother, explained to her the motives of his behavior.
But the husband's reasonable behavior is not yet a guarantee of solving all possible problems. The success of the case depends on the daughter-in-law, who, unfortunately, is often too unfair to her husband's mother. The daughter-in-law first of all draws attention to the fact that her mother-in-law is an angry and quarrelsome woman, even if this does not correspond to the truth, and if the mother-in-law is primarily an experienced and wise person. Of course, there are mother-in-law and strict, and jealous, and impatient, and unnecessarily nervous. What of it?
The mother-in-law, like all of us, happens to get tired, become irritable, require attention to themselves, although, like all elderly people, they do not have a particularly flexible behavior. If a young wife begins to demand that her mother-in-law adjust to her, because she, though she is young, has "her pride," she will not only achieve nothing, but she will show unpardonable stupidity. A wise daughter-in-law must adapt herself to her mother-in-law, become her ally sometimes even against her husband. The path to the heart of mother-in-law lies through her instinct of motherhood. The daughter-in-law must become more attentive and obedient to her mother-in-law than with her own mother. Every mother-in-law loves to teach and advise, therefore, those daughters-in-law who do not wait for another "lesson" come to their mother-in-law for advice, ask them to teach them one way or another, and let them know that they highly appreciate the education of their husband. Any mother is proud of the fact that she managed to raise well-bred children, and mothers of sons - especially.
A daughter-in-law can tell her mother-in-law, even if she thinks that her mother has pampered her son too much. One day a daughter-in-law will become a mother, she may have a son, and she will "pamper" her son just like thousands of mothers before and after her. And then the time will pass, the son will marry, and here is someone who knows her son only "without a year's time", she will tell the daughter-in-law who turned into her mother-in-law, that she "overemphasized" her son. Would she be pleased to hear this?
It is necessary to learn wisdom based on indulgence. A wife can begin to "re-educate" her husband only when her mother-in-law is completely on her side, when the mother will demand from her son that he will obey his wife in everything. A daughter-in-law should not see her rival in her husband's mother: such a battle is lost in advance and devoid of any meaning. Love for the mother and love for the wife are completely different things. Jealousy of two women - a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law - does not bring anything other than a bitter feeling of confusion and injustice. Poor husband is between two millstones. Here the daughter-in-law is obliged to yield. To concede on one volume already that the mother's life is shortened, and in the process of aging and impoverishment of interests, her love for her son can break out with renewed vigor. Particularly depressing is the effect on mothers of the idea that her "boy" is taken by a stranger woman and she forever loses it. A young woman must convince her mother-in-law that she is not going to deprive her son, that, on the contrary, she has also acquired a daughter and will soon receive grandchildren who will continue her kind.
Difficulties arising in the joint life of two families are easier to resolve when parents and parents do not talk with their daughter-in-law or their son-in-law, but their own son and daughter. Parents will understand their children more quickly, they will rather meet them and they will be more forgiving than they will never forgive a daughter-in-law or a son-in-law. On the other hand, parents should also clearly understand that they have no right to interfere in the private life of the newlyweds, that such interference did not suit them, when they were young and they wanted to be alone with each other, dream about something, then the way one wanted them to be alone.
If there is a new family, then cohesion should be the first and basic condition for its existence. Cohesion both within the young family, and in relationships with parents. One should not ignore the other side, nor deny the parents' right to participate in the joy of the young and to solve their problems for the sake of the peace of one of the parties. In all things it is necessary to observe a reasonable sense of proportion.
Parents, especially if they are retired, have something that chronically is not enough for young people - time. Grandparents can give grandchildren and granddaughters much more time than a young mother and father. In families where parents raise their children in severity, the softness of grandparents does not hurt, and therefore one should not be afraid of this softness.
However, when young people shift all responsibility for raising their children to their grandparents, and the grandmother simultaneously leads the household, they overestimate the strength of the elderly. The requirements imposed on them no longer correspond to their age, a feeling of fatigue arises quickly, and fatigue in turn leads to a frequent change of mood and grumbling, and as a result, a tense atmosphere of mutual discontent arises in the house that becomes unbearable for both young and old for the elderly. What parents did at first with joy, now becomes for them an unbearable burden, from which they want, but can not get rid of. Do not allow such a depressing situation.
Conflicts are easier to prevent than to later try to glue together what is already hopelessly broken.