In any family there are a number of situations in which the relationship flows from normal to stressful. But this does not mean that there is no need to take any steps to correct the situation, because then the situation can become critical. Many couples managed to achieve strong intra-family relations, having passed through the pressure and hardships of the crisis, because they found the strength to recognize the problem and work on its elimination together. It is because of the difficult times that sometimes overtake us all, you can get an invaluable opportunity to learn useful lessons for yourself. Here are some expert advice on how to save a marriage and where to start working on preserving your relationship.
Listening skills
The most pernicious for any relationship between partners is the unwillingness and inability to listen to each other. It is the awareness that you are not being heard, in time, can cause a feeling of deep dissatisfaction with marriage. But it's not so difficult to be a good partner for marriage! It's just that both of them need to learn to remain calm during the conflict and must not be silent. Discuss the problems that have arisen until the positions of both sides are clarified and a compromise is found. Try to remain silent while your partner speaks and try to listen to him for real.
Ability to understand
We must understand that just listening is not enough. If you do not understand each other, then this can cause an even bigger problem. You can silently listen to your partner for hours, and then do it in your own way, which will finally undermine your relationship. Or, on the contrary, you will obey the other side, leaving yourself unsatisfied. This, too, ultimately does not bode well. When your partner says - ask him questions that concern you, ask again, to make sure that you understand him correctly. Even if you are afraid of interrupting a partner - it's better to do it somehow softly, because only in this way you will be able to understand the essence of the problem.
Positive attitude
Never perceive a conflict as something terrible and irreparable. There is no reason to immediately assume that your partner has fallen out of love with you or is worse off to treat you. And most importantly - give him the opportunity to feel that your attitude towards him is still warm and positive. You absolutely need to find a solution in the contradiction that has arisen. Psychologists advise to look at the problem that has arisen, as an opportunity to learn something, and not as a prospect for ending your relationship. Remember your best times and do not change the course of your thoughts to negative ones. The partner will necessarily catch your benevolent waves and will also be willing to compromise.
Joint solution of the problem
If one of the partners is completely indifferent to the very fact of finding a compromise, he is not going to strain and establish relations, then all the other's efforts will be in vain. It will be something akin to playing one-way. Responsibility for their marriages are borne by both partners, and both need to be properly dealt with by the crisis situation. It may even be necessary to take a vacation for a few days in order to spare all free time to a full dialogue and a calm discussion of ways to preserve and improve the relationship between us. The duty of each of the partners in the period of tension in family relationships is not to let the second feel their loneliness before the disaster that arose. Together you can do more - you yourself will be surprised how much any problems can be solved if you solve them together.
Keeping calm
Of course, the crisis will certainly upset you, you will worry that it happened at all. But it is important in this situation to remember that both of you can fully appreciate the situation only if you manage to approach the conversation calmly, without failures and hysterics. First of all, psychologists advise to reduce the tone of voice. Speak quietly - in the blood immediately ceases to rage adrenaline, you can calm down faster. Take a deep breath, and only then continue to talk further. So you can pacify your anger and gather thoughts together in order to speak more calmly and deliberately. After all, you can not imagine how much superfluous, destructive and offensive you can say to each other in anger! This will only aggravate your crisis and complicate relations even more. besides, having calmed down, you yourself will regret about what has been said. And the partner will already be injured, which will not be easy to smooth out.
Creating joint plans
The best way to save a family union is to start making plans for the future together. At first glance, this may not seem like the best idea, because you are grieved by resentment, you are annoyed and your relationship is going through hard times. But as soon as you start planning, for example, where to go on vacation together, or where to start another repair in the apartment - you will feel immediately how the tension is coming to naught. It's easy to explain. The fact is that in the process of building plans your future is no longer so vague and vague. You already have joint goals, and they will be able to guide you through the uncertainty that embraces you now.
Ability to relax from each other
If the conflict seems insurmountable - do not rush to agree to a divorce! You can try to just stay for a while at a distance from each other. Most often this remains the only saving way to prevent the breakdown of relations. When you have the opportunity to stay alone for a while, you can better understand what is happening, from the side to look at your situation. This will open up new doors for you in resolving the conflict. Even if you manage to get distracted from your family problems and stay without each other for at least a few days or even hours - this time can be quite enough to then stay together for life!