After some time after the beginning of relations with a woman comes confidence in the devotion and reliability of her companion. The highest mark of all his positive qualities is the desire of a woman to give birth to that particular male child, to bring him along with him, to educate him, to see in him the continuation of himself and his beloved. However, not always this is a natural desire for a woman shared by a man with her nearby. What is the reason and what to do for a woman in such a difficult situation? This will be discussed below.
So, a woman wants to have a baby, but a man categorically. In response to the desperate "why?" Only the duty phrases - "I'm not ready", "I have not thought about children yet", "all my time". Sometimes a man is more categorical, sometimes not too much, but the result is one-an unbreakable wall between partners, growing resentment and mistrust, entailing a non-stop gap. According to statistics, more than 10% of couples are divorced in the first 5 years of joint life precisely for this reason. How to convince a stubborn man that it is now the most appropriate time to have a baby? Maybe if you give him time to think, will he soon come to this decision on his own? Unfortunately, this is unlikely.
Clarifying the reasons is half the success
It will not be enough to persuade a man to decide to become a father until the reasons for refusal are clarified. Most of the reasons seem to be known and studied by psychologists. The man foresees that after the birth of the baby, cardinal changes will be introduced into his habitual life. Few people will want to change their life so dramatically when it is arranged and beautiful. Men, despite the years, much longer women remain children in the depths of the soul (many all life). A man seriously afraid to lose the care and attention of his beloved, who after childbirth will some time completely belong to the child. Also, the frequent reason is men's fear of over-responding and a sharp restriction of inner freedom. After all, one thing - life, together with a beloved woman, and another - with a woman and a small child. They are both defenseless, then all the worries will fall on the shoulders of the stronger, the man will have to be the support of the whole family.
Many people, prone to perfectionism, are afraid of responsibility. They only want perfection in everything, and if they are not sure that they can become ideal parents, they prefer to simply abandon it. Historically, there is a model in which a man is a support for the family. And in the case of the birth of a child, it is necessary to solve not only the problems of the wife, but also the growing child. A man is afraid to be responsible for all! He is afraid to give the wrong advice, to show weakness, to make a mistaken decision - these are the main components of the male fear of having children.
Psychologists say that this kind of fear is mainly characteristic of men who grew up without a father. They had no real example in their childhood of how the present head of the family should behave. Children do not just play role-playing games like "daughter-mothers" at an early age. So they learn to communicate, understand each other's problems and look for ways to solve them. Each case, of course, is individual. It is impossible to give universal advice how to convince a man to want a child. A woman must precisely determine the cause, then it will be easier to decide how to proceed.
How can you not be a woman
If a man clearly and clearly said that he does not yet want to have a child, it is useless to motivate his nerves with persuasion, to try to put pressure on him. Aggressive pressure can lead to a situation in which a man will avoid any hint of a child and his appearance in the house. It is also dangerous to "rush" with ultimatums: "Or unas will be a child, or we part." A man can choose an option not in favor of saving the family. It is necessary not only to persuade a man in the desired, but to bring him smoothly to an independent awareness that he is ready to become a father.
Very often women make a fatal mistake. They are just sure that a loved one will certainly be happy with the birth of a child, even if they have not previously talked about this or the man has withdrawn indefinitely. Women prefer to bring down a man from the feet of this newness, making him a "surprise". This is a huge psychological and strategic mistake! It is important to understand: men do not have an innate maternal instinct! It is not by default by default to realize suddenly "fallen" happiness in the form of the future child. Hormones of "motherhood", produced in the body of a pregnant woman, masculophysiology are unknown. A man must set himself up for paternity.
The right approach
Psychotherapists are advised to start with the so-called "dress rehearsal". You should not immediately start a child, get an animal in the house that you will care for. Together with your loved one, talk more with children who already have children, discuss the questions of parenthood, get into the essence. Give the man the opportunity to often be with children with the children of friends - this is very important. He must understand that the child is a non-crystal vase, beating from the slightest touch. Try to show your partner that you yourself are morally ready to have a child, that you will certainly help your beloved man, if he will not be able to cope with anything.
Trustful conversation with a man will always come in handy. It is important to ask a man how he sees your future joint future, what are his expectations and experiences. Diametrically change his mind at once it will be impossible, but a woman can also share her plans for a common future, an important component of which will be children. Witches throughout the whole period of family life managed to smooth corners, keep warm and mutual understanding, together cope with difficulties. This is already a weighty argument in favor of further development and strengthening of the family. The child should not destroy, but strengthen the family. In properly constructed families, this is exactly what happens.
As for the global "male" statistics, it at first glance frightens: 93% of men do not dare to have children! But it is worth noting that in most cases, as soon as a beloved child is in the hands of his father, a man who recently did not want to be called a daddy, turns out to be happy in the seventh heaven. But there are also such (and there are many of them) who are ready to immediately break off the relationship with a woman, it is worthwhile to talk about the birth of a child. Another obstacle, which is on the way to a happy fatherhood - serious health problems. Today, 4.5 million men in Russia suffer from infertility. Moreover, infertility in men can be not only physiological, but also psychological.
Of course, the best option would be to consult a psychologist together, analyze the situation on separate parts and find the "root" of the problem. As a result, a man who yesterday assured himself and others that he should not and does not want to have children becomes a wonderful wizard. The woman from the mistress who has kept the fire of the hearth turns into a skilful man who managed to add to the fire of hot coals. Then family happiness will become complete and domineering sense.