"Not today, dear ..." The continuation of this phrase is known to most of us: "... I'm very busy" (terribly tired, I have a headache, no mood, it was a hard day ...) And we know the price of such excuses. And to be honest? What is the reason really? And what if the sexual desire is lost and does not want to return? ..
THE CANDLES LEAVE ...
Remember how beautiful it all began? Both of you burned with impatience, flew on every date on the wings of love, kissed like teenagers in the last row and, mad with passion, beat all world records in the field of sex. But, over time, you no longer dream of crazy "African" nights and, after coming home after a hard day, do not rush to rip apart clothes and merge into love ecstasy. Instead, you settle in a comfortable armchair with a book (knitting, beloved cat) and hear how your once-passionate lover rustles around somewhere nearby.
And the strangest thing is that you really love each other and want to be together. You do not attract spicy adventures on the side. You are satisfied with everything except ... the most important thing is sex. However, who said that this is the most important thing? A man and a woman are connected by common interests, children, a sense of mutual understanding, tenderness, finally. Yes, a lot of things! Think, sex ...
Then why are you so upset to find that you are no longer burned by the former sexual desire, do not you ignite the touch of your beloved man? Why did he become offended when he asked you to make love, you once again answered that you already had this "yesterday"?
WARRANTY OF LOVE
Many couples pay attention to the fact that at a certain stage of intimate relations the love ardor gradually begins to weaken. And, if you do not take timely measures, there may come a complete alienation or even a rupture of relations. Here is a collective example from life.
Husband and wife (let's call them Roman and Svetlana) are married for 5 years. Recently they have sex "in a discussion manner". The novel suggests that Sveta, under one or another plausible pretext, refuses. Roman puts forward a weighty counterargument. Svetlana retorts. And so on, until someone does not persuade someone. At the same time, both acknowledge that satisfaction from such, let's say, love is almost not experienced.
Svetlana believes that the intimate side of their relationship has completely exhausted itself, sexual desire is gone, but she suggests not to harbor illusions about eternal and mad love, but to face the truth. That is, to recognize that a man and a woman can not endlessly roast at the stake of passion, because over time their feelings are transformed into something else - deep affection, respect, friendship, tenderness. And sex ... Well, sometimes, when this really wants, when there are strength, time and mood, then why not?
Roman considers himself a victim and, in general, not without reason. He says that five years ago he could not even imagine that all these problems with irregular and "voluntary-forced" sex would affect their relationship. According to him, then Svetlana was very different - seductive, flirtatious, passionate ... Yes, she remains the same ideal wife, caring hostess and gentle friend. But before going to bed, instead of caressing her husband, Sveta prefers to do anything except the most intimate. She will read a book or watch a series and if she does not notice that her husband feels abandoned and lonely. "Why did not she marry a TV?" Roman jokes.
A big mistake is made by those couples who regard the loss of sexual desire as their own personal tragedy, unique and unique, which has no other "shameful" analogues in world history. Perhaps it would be easier for them if they found out that this is a very common problem, which most "victims" prefer to keep quiet. But instead of, like an ostrich, hide your head in the sand, it's better to try to do something. For example, to understand the causes of the situation and try to reanimate sexual relations.
SEXUAL ACTIVITY COEFFICIENT
Many misunderstandings in the intimate sphere would have been avoided if we had initially learned to correctly evaluate our own sexuality and to treat with understanding and respect the sensual needs and desires of a loved one.
Each of us has certain sexual possibilities. They are caused by genes, state of health, temperament, level of culture, physical development and many others. In order to determine the maximum of their sexual abilities, it is enough to recall the most vivid of your romance novels. As a rule, in this period we reach a peak of sensuality and are inclined to perform sexual "feats". However, if you try to transfer this model to everyday life, you will find yourself in the same trap as Roman and Svetlana. In a period of violent love, they demonstrated to each other maximum sexual activity and adjusted themselves to the fact that such a level of physical intimacy will be maintained throughout the life together. But over time, Svetlana's sexual desire decreased somewhat and went back to normal. Perhaps, if her husband's sexual activity had also faded somewhat in the process of getting used to each other, this pair would not have disagreements. But Roman's potential was too high for his chosen one. However, a different level of temperament is not a reason for divorce.
Sexologists say that couples who ideally match each other in all sexual parameters, who want to make love with the same intensity, duration, at the same time and in the same way, are extremely few. In addition, the presence of such harmony does not guarantee happiness. Much more important is the presence of another indispensable quality - the ability, desire and ability to "balance" their sexual potentials.
WORKING ON ERRORS
In order to harmonize sexual relations, each partner will need some effort. It is from each, because if a less active partner will pretend feigned passion or more active will resignedly and patiently wait for a benevolent permission to sex - nothing good will come of it.
• Start with a friendly and frank conversation. Do not blame each other for blunders and mistakes, express grievances, lay all responsibility for sexual "stagnation" on one of the partners. It is more reasonable to talk on the topic: "How to make our relations more sensual and exciting."
• You can try to conclude a "bilateral agreement". Describe in which cases you can insist on intimacy and in which - it is undesirable to shy away from it. For example, a good reason for refusal may be poor health, a child's illness, depression, stress, severe physical fatigue. But if one of you needs to feel the love and support of another - before a responsible step, after a conflict situation, etc., an intimate proposal is still desirable to accept. Let those who do not burn with a desire to have sex at the moment, yet allow the initiative partner to caress themselves and slowly "get involved in the process."
• But what if the disappearance of sexual desire seems insurmountable? Sometimes sexologists in similar situations forbid spouses some time (say, for 3 weeks) to enter into intimate relations. It is allowed only to show each other signs of attention, touching each other, caressing, kissing - that's all! In a few days, as a rule, the thoughts of partners who find themselves on a sexual diet take a playful attitude. Then they are allowed to gently explore the naked bodies of each other (avoiding the genital area). That's where the famous principle of the forbidden fruit works! And chilled, it was, to each other lovers with pleasure violate the ban, marveling at the novelty and brightness of their sensory sensations.
These are only two of all possible options to breathe a fresh stream into the intimate life and make it more saturated and happy. Perhaps, the love and desire to preserve feelings and attitudes dear to your heart will prompt you your way, which will bring you into each other's arms again!