Why do we hide our emotions and feelings?

If there was an instrument fixing the frequency of pronouncing words, among the leaders for sure would be "I do not care", "spit", "it does not matter" plus "do not bother", "throw it out of your head" and "hammer". If you are offended or that guy with a bang does not call back, or is generally lonely and generally filthy in his heart - they always help out. And you sweep away the unimportant, "garbage", close all the cracks in the shower, zadraivaesh armor, pull the hood and "somehow so" live, watch the series, nod to anyone you need, go to work. Why do you do this and how not to become a completely cold ice, locking your feelings and emotions under a heavy lock? It's good to be closed. Invulnerable, as Lara Croft. Watch from the height of its impenetrability. Imagine yourself strong. Turgenev's young ladies with wet handkerchiefs are not respected. They whine, they are vulnerable. And we live in mobile time, in the era of the Internet and designer cases for the phone. Emotions are non-ergonomic and accordingly do not fit into modern realities. What are they for now? Press the "outpost" button under the tearful story about the puppy shelter, to donate one hundred rubles to someone on the bunk in the wires, whose picture the third day flashes in social networks. Even fury is usually expressed silently, pressing fingers of worms in the aipad. Well, do not rush to the plates, the right word.

We have become beautiful and plastic, have rejected all the creeping out contours. Mask-smile, we replaced the curious expression, instead of natural impulses, we demonstrate on the first date a set of rules from the collection of NLP. The most important thing is there: "Do not show the man true feelings." It's a terrible shame - and suddenly he will guess that you want to get married. Even more frightening is to show that you are sad today. No, the right girl, in the right shoes, with the right buttocks, should be "on the positive." And then suddenly you will not suspect Lara Croft, and that, with a lace handkerchief, Turgenev?

Forever green
From where do we fear to find ourselves real - without emotional make-up, without these tricks? Canadian psychotherapist Gordon Newfeld notes that such a protective order is primarily characteristic of adolescents.

When talking about infantilism, most often mean a light attitude to life and the habit of spending time at the computer. However, with our childhood we have something else in common. For example, emotional immaturity, puberty fear of feelings, the habit of throwing "to me in shape" in response to any irritation. On the example of adolescents, this is due to the fact that a person needs a strong emotional attachment, reliable, unbreakable, as a bronze monument to Lenin. When parents move away from their children, and children, in turn, ignore their parents, peers begin to act as a compass needle, such wild children who go to the movies with you today, laugh together tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow they are friends with someone more fashionable. In the relations of peers there are no obligations that can be relied upon, there is no safe harbor, there is no feeling that you are well known and understood. In such an environment, the most natural state of health becomes self-exclusion, tension, the fear of getting wounded, incompatible with life. Willy-nilly it is necessary to become glacier and rehearse the imperturbable expression of bream. By Newfeld, by the way, it turns out that many of us even after years and still remain teenagers, afraid to take their sensitivity, concreted in a rather primitive corridor of emotions. But psychological maturity is also the ability to accept your vulnerability, sometimes saying "yes, it hurts me," "yes, I'm vulnerable," and do not look like emo.

Playing defense
Existence without emotions is, of course, a classic story about "a man in a case". Once upon a time there was a boss: eyeglasses on the nose, a bunch on her head, building everyone in the line, never being late for work, and in general submitting all the signs of the essence of the iron assembly. And then I fell in love - and surprised colleagues noticed that the bundle was disheveled, the glasses moved off, and on the annual report, someone drew hearts. Here it is: life, and tears, and love.

It is also a story about Sleeping Beauty, frozen with emotions in a coffin, in a cave and in the dark. To start a relationship, it will be necessary to split the ice, and this is not always possible with a single kiss - sometimes you have to work with a pick. And then this beauty, that is, the boss, overwhelmed by hormonal waves, is surprised to see the brave new world. He learns that before a thunder-storm roses smell so much and makes other unexpected discoveries. And then a new twist in the plot: the prince suddenly turns out to be not a prince, but so ... just the type that passed by. The roses wither, the hearts go to the urn, and Lyudmila Prokofievna finally becomes satanic. What to do, defensive reaction. Another time, she will not give up so easily. The next conqueror of the heart except for the pick will need three more bulldozers, and that is not a fact that will work.

The man in the iron mask
The most unpleasant nuance is that few people just pretend to be idols, they are really quite easy to become. Working with complex adolescents Newfeld noticed that the lack of empathy, the ability to empathize, the pose of a tough nut - in many cases not a game for the public. It's just that the brain has so well defended itself against offenses that it has turned off compassion, fear, and something else in detail. After experiencing serious emotional trauma, we develop immunity to such situations in the future. From the new injury, the brain, of course, does not protect, but it can help her not to feel. Sometimes emotional closeness turns into a stable state. Having fallen into it, a person will not write nonsense like "feelings have died" or compose verses "between us kilometers of silence ..." Closed and squeezed, clenched teeth. How to notice that the sky overhead has become a little more gray? That someone's smile no longer touches? Who generally worries about such trifles? The resulting indifference is a thing that is not well understood.

Sympathy against apathy
However, without emotions, human life simply depreciates. All the art from Beethoven's symphonies to modern installations in the form of bored phalluses is entirely an expression of emotions. Turn off the life of feelings - and what will remain? A dull mechanical existence.

But it's easy to advise: "Let yourself be emotional," you say. And suddenly people around will not understand? We live in a culture that does not very welcome open expressions of feelings, especially in public. It is unpleasant, if in the bus to you in a back will throw: "Hey, the hysterical woman, pass for journey!" However, in defending a fresh view of the world and its individuality, one should still struggle for feelings.

Activate the emotional sphere is possible not only in the Museum of Fine Arts. It is useful to pay attention to the world around: what swam by the clouds, how, circling, leaflets flew from the birch, how romantically the rain strikes the sidewalk. There is a lot of beauty in the world. Remember the school course of literature - there lyrical heroes often at the sight of pictures of native nature and some blossoming oaks rushed to embrace the Russian land, dance Kamarinsky or philosophize. Well, in general, you understand.

Do not close in a relationship. If men were needed in order to stand in front of them all the time at the stand of "Smirno., Heel., Napra-a-in!", It would be better if they were not in our life at all. Psychologists consider it to be the best cure for adherence to attachment. That is, a relationship in which you can relax, cry, ask for comfort and receive it. (By the way, if your strong man's shoulder then wants to cry, you should take it with joy.) So he trusts you.)