Of course, you knew that the birth of a child is not only a great joy, but also a huge work. You read that after giving birth, many women experience feelings of disappointment and deceit. And, of course, you did not think it would touch you personally. But what if you feel that the expectations that you associated with the birth of a baby were not justified? How then to return the joy of motherhood, despite the disappointments?
Do not think that these feelings will pass by themselves. Of course, time heals. But sometimes you need to work on yourself. And the most effective cure for frustration is to see the reality in person, and not to cling to ephemeral unjustified expectations, and accept it ... with gratitude.
Childbirth is not a holiday
Alas, the course of childbirth often differs from the ideal scenario that you compiled in advance. Somewhere the process of birth can go not according to plan, there may even be an emergency situation. Relatives can behave in an unexpected way, and the baby himself may not be what you imagined him to be.
Medication for sadness
To cope with such negative impressions in the postpartum period, it is worth ... saying "thank you". First of all, thank yourself - anyway, you did it, you gave life to a little man. You did not have to meet expectations - neither your own, nor your family, nor the instructor of courses for pregnant women. You just did it - you gave birth, and this is an indisputable fact!
If the root of frustration is the resentment of the medical staff, try to look at it from the other side. No doctor wants to harm mother and child. Therefore, for sure your doctor did exactly what he considered the most correct at that time. Joint births did not live up to expectations? And who knows how they would have gone if your spouse was not around ... And most importantly - just pick up your crumbs, look at him. Here it is - the main result of your efforts. Did not he justify himself? ..
Mom is at home
How many occasions for the experiences fall upon Mom after returning from the hospital! When studying the depressive state in women in the postpartum period, specialists came to the conclusion that the newly-born mother not only has to get used to the new daily routine (and at first - to his absence), to frequent - and initially uncomfortable - breastfeeding, to fatigue, but and to a new position in the family. After all, how was it before the birth? The future mother was in the center of care and attention, and now this place is rightfully occupied by a newborn baby. But after all, my mother, who put so much effort into his appearance, also deserves support!
For many, frustration is, on the contrary, unchanged attitude - usually from the side of the spouse. It happens in families where mutual understanding, respect, tenderness are lacking. And the woman mistakenly believes that with the birth of the child everything will be fine, trying to "hold" the husband, not knowing what a big change is - this is stress that is not able to strengthen the initially fragile family ... And in the most prosperous families the appearance of crumbs, separates the couple from each other - when both are silently offended, as if reveling in disappointment: "How does he / she do not understand ?!".
Medication for sadness. It's amazing how difficult it is for many of us to say: "Help me, I'm tired", "I'm afraid that I have become ugly - tell me, do you still like me?", Make an effort to speak the same language with relatives. And it is worth paying tribute to such situations - this is a valuable lesson, giving the opportunity finally to learn to talk openly about their feelings, experiences, needs. And be prepared for the fact that not always they will find a response. Well, this child needs every need to be satisfied. And we, adults, should be able to tolerate and with failures ... But it's worth trying!
Baby in the arms
Perhaps the most bitter disappointment is unjustified expectations about the newborn baby. Coping with them is difficult, if only because not every mother decides to admit to herself that she does not always feel only tenderness to the baby ... But in our power to let disappointment give way to the love of the child! What causes my mother's negative experiences? First, the appearance and behavior of the newborn. He is quite tiny, his body is disproportionate and resembles a small spider, his skin peels off ... And he does not at all seek to give his parents grateful smiles and sweet touches, but only requires - attention, care, milk, your presence ... Secondly , the crumbs are very difficult to understand - here he cried, and what to do? Change diapers, sing songs, feed or lull? On all sides, adversaries, conflicting with each other, besiege. But how do you understand whether to take the baby in your arms or not, whether to teach them to a separate crib, feed them according to the regime or on demand? And thirdly, the mother can immerse in depressive state in the postpartum period, the child's complete dependence on her. He always wants to lie on her on the arms or at the chest, wakes up, just put him in the stroller. And how to pay attention to the family and yourself?
Medication for sadness. Well, now it's time to say thank you ... to Nature itself. After all, she deliberately arranged everything so that you, in fact, did not really need "instructions" to the child. Because you already know what the baby needs and how to behave. In any woman, there are maternal instincts, genetic memory, reflexes, in the end! And no matter how many smart books you read, the main thing is to listen to yourself.
Why is it so hard for us to endure a child crying? Yes, because the nervous system of the mother experiences great discomfort and actively signals the whole body: "Come quickly to the baby, take it on the handles, feed it!". And the pseudo-education - to refuse the crumbs in attachments, in a joint dream, in contact with the mother - only strengthens her frustration experience, as if we tried by force of will to suppress the feeling of hunger or thirst.
And you can be grateful to Nature for the fact that she gave us, women, this unique ability - not only to give birth, but also to love crumbs. And the more we think about the baby, look at his serious face, feed his milk, squeeze the crumb to himself, listening to a small heart - the more and more love will fill us.