Deferred Present
The syndrome of postponing cases "for later", until the time begins to be very tight and will not force to act quickly and in a hurry - a typical style of behavior of our time. For him there even appeared a special term - procrastination. The name is similar to the well-known expression "Procrustean bed" - the very thing to which it was necessary to get exactly the size, otherwise you will be "forced" into it by stretching or chopping off your legs. It occurs from the Latin words pro ("instead, ahead") and crastinus ("tomorrow"). Procrastination is not just the postponement of the beginning of a case at the last moment, but the filling of time before this by various unnecessary but resource-intensive matters. So, instead of writing the required report, we read the news line, drink coffee, do a manicure, look at photos of friends in Odnoklassniki ... These are interesting activities, however, they can devote another time free from business. It seemed that we are aware of this, but why, does nothing move? And all right, we would only deal with the work, when the risk consists only in the anger of the authorities and the deprivation of the quarterly bonus. Often we delay even when our health or even life depends on the new business - for example, we postpone the trip to the doctor before it really becomes unbearable, but then it will be much harder and harder to heal. It is interesting that the true causes of procrastination, as well as the effective methods of its "treatment", are still unknown to psychologists. Presumably, it is associated with stress and anxiety level, but is this coincidence accidental (who is not currently stressed) or a direct dependence is not clear. The various methods of self-discipline described in the time management manuals are in fact effective with varying success, because working with them directly depends on the same ability not to postpone the beginning of a new life.
The possible key to the mystery of procrastination is the formulation of its very essence. Postponing the case for later "means that we assume the existence of this" afterwards ". Creative people are waiting for a mythical "inspiration", all the rest are "suitable conditions for work ... In short, we all are waiting for some beautiful faraway that will bring us working capacity on a silver platter. And the trick is that no one is far, neither beautiful nor terrible, does not exist. There are only today and now. The key in the relationship with the future lies in the present. When a therapist works with a person who is not able to start a new business or change something in his life, one has to make an inventory of everything that he has at the moment. What does a person have, what are his needs here and now, why does he want to take an important step and how does he determine that this step really needs to be done? How can his life change with this step? The main task is to accept what you have now, and only then think about how it can be changed. And the adoption of the present does not mean that we have reconciled with him. On the contrary, in this case we begin to clearly see the negative events of our present life and understand which way to change them.
If we realize the fact that we do not live in the future, but in the present, then it will be easier to struggle with procrastination. We will know that there will not be any magic "sweat" that will make it possible to do the work, and the long-awaited muse on the wings will not come either. Successful writers do not wait for inspiration, but just sit down every day for a computer and write. Work is done when the one who does it is in the present moment, and not in the mythical future, where the work is done as it were, without effort on our part. Procrastination often suffers from perfectionists: with each new design, it involves fear that the result will not be ideal, and it will have to be constantly polished. That's why they postpone the work until the last moment. But with the "ideal" result, the situation is the same as with the future: nothing is perfect, at best there is "good enough". To realize this and make it a part of everyday life, changing strategy strategies at the same time, many perfectionists often need counseling from a psychotherapist.
In a new place
If it is so difficult for us to deal with everyday affairs, then the opportunity (or necessity) to start life from scratch, in a new place and in new conditions, be it a different city or a regular place of work, can be a long time out of the rut. This is normal. Do not think that something is wrong with you, if moving to a new apartment permanently deprives you of efficiency and appetite. There is a stress scale in which each of the factors is assigned scores on a one-point scale. If the death of a loved one is estimated at 100 points, the divorce - at 80, and the quarrel with the spouse - at 40, then moving to a new place of residence draws as much as 65 points - this is a very serious test. Any changes lead to stress, since they entail the mobilization of all the resources of the body, which will have to adapt in new conditions: to invent new behavior strategies, to correct the picture of the world, even to correct biorhythms. We are arranged so that the fear of another stressful period can be stronger than the stress itself. This is just one of the manifestations of the instinct of self-preservation: the wise organism fears that another difficult situation can simply destroy it, and tries to insure itself against any such cases. Hence - our constant desire to preserve what is, even if it does not suit us very much. Unpromising work? But stable. An apartment in a dirty and troubled neighborhood? But its own. A drinking husband? But there is a family, somehow. There is such a saying: it's good if tomorrow will be as bad as today. The key word in it is "the same". That is: what we have is already familiar, however bad it may be for us. If something changes, it will be necessary to get used to the new situation, which means another stress. Fear of change is perfectly normal, and if you have it, you should at least begin to realize it and accept yourself with this fear. Worse, when it becomes the leading force in making important decisions and starts to slow down your progress. Man is initially programmed to develop, to unlock his potential. Each age stage involves the solution of certain life problems and the accumulation of potential, which provides the transition to the next level. If at some stage the task was not completed, then it does not disappear and can "catch up" with us much later. If the need to change something for a long time is not realized and does not lead to active actions, then it finds an outlet through the body - so psychosomatic diseases develop.
"Great changes are coming!"
The need for development and the fear of change constantly struggle with each other, and at each moment of our life outweighs one thing or another. To find a compromise is the task that arises whenever there is a need for change or simply we get an offer that it is a pity to refuse, but to agree is terrible. There is no single recipe here, anyway, except for yourself, no one will make a decision for you. But there are some simple tricks that facilitate the task. It is noticed that those who tried to imagine the future in all colors and trifles suffer more from the stress associated with the changes. Because the reality, whatever the specialists in the "materialization of thought" would say to us, is very different from the fictional. Do you often have to pronounce the phrase "I did not imagine this"? If yes, then you should work to keep your dreams without details, only in the form of sketches: for example, do not represent the office building and the chief's suit to details, if you are looking for a new job, and also not to imagine conversations with future colleagues, replicas for them. Often we are prevented from starting something new in our lives, the true maxim: "We must not run from somewhere, but somewhere." Of course, positive motivation is more effective than negative motivation, and "marrying a loved one" is not at all something like "getting married to get rid of parental care." But sometimes the situation develops in such a way that in order to find something new, it is necessary to get rid of the old one. For example, if we are talking about getting away from an alcoholic husband, then in this case it does not matter where to go.
Another way to cope with the urgent need to change something in the absence of resources for these changes is changes in small things. A new hairstyle or a change of furniture in an apartment satisfies our craving for change no worse than moving to another country. So we do not substitute the allegedly genuine desire for a new one, on the contrary - we realize it in full, we simply protect ourselves from a big and complex decision, to which we may not yet be ready. If you started thinking about leaving your husband - that does not mean that such a decision will ever be implemented. But on the way to it (or refusal from it) you can fully satisfy the thirst for a new change of hair, foreign language courses and a subscription to the pool. To pause on the way to important changes is a sensible tactic. The solution is like an apple: it must ripen. Therefore, it will be correct not to start something new and serious, without waiting a while for some time. A pause before the beginning of a new life is needed in order to gain strength and realize if you like the decision taken. This is the final criterion for the correctness of your path. If you are afraid to make the wrong move, make the wrong choice, then remember one more important thing: correct elections simply do not exist in nature. There is your personal choice and there are its consequences, which must be taken in order to work with them. Listen to yourself, be aware of what you really need and how you can achieve it, and there will be much less hesitation before starting a new business.
Trainers for life
When difficulties with new endeavors prevent you from living, and you can not cope on your own with this problem - specialists will come to the rescue. The psychotherapist will help to understand the origins of your fears and self-doubt, and the life-coaches will help with the concrete embodiment of life goals. The last profession for us is still a novelty, although the popularity of life coaching grows every day. Unlike psychotherapy, this is pure water practice. Psychologists determine the causes of problems, they are more interested in the past of the person, and life coaching is directed to the present and the future. It helps the client to more effectively realize the desired future in the present, to determine his values and life goals, to help find and develop internal resources for their implementation. Life coach - not a universal adviser, he can not live your life for you, but to help understand what you really want is fully capable. Looks work with the Life Coach in the following way. First you together make a map of the desired future - at once all life spheres or only one. For example, you dream of starting your own business, but do not know where to start and what you need for this. The coach helps to break a big, global goal into many small steps, each of which can be done right now: call a consultant, pay a visit to the right institution, advertise in a newspaper ... After this, work begins: every day you do one or more small steps, and your coach leads you along the chosen path, supporting and testing what you did today and what the result is. Of course, such "sparring" is not suitable for everyone, but if for you support from a significant person (and a trust relationship should be established between the coach and the client) is an effective motivation, then it will give you strength for each of the feasible small achievements that are early or will be late in one big. Ideally, of course, the best coach for you is yourself. And the realization of a simple thing: in order to start doing something, you just need to do something. The smallest, feasible step. As the ancient Chinese used to say, "A journey of a thousand li starts with one step." And it can be done today.