Unfortunately, sometimes our children behave differently than we would like: they spoil things, brandish their fists, quarrel with others. Psychologists call this behavior aggressive. What is the cause of the phenomenon of "child aggression" - character or education? And how to react to it?
In one way or another, aggression is common to all people. Remember yourself: often we are seized by negative emotions, want to scream, flare, but, as a rule, we still restrain anger. But our kids are not yet able to control their feelings, so their disagreement or irritation is expressed in the most acceptable way for them: shouting, crying, fighting. Do not create a problem if the child scandals occasionally - with age, he learns how to cope with his anger. However, if the baby demonstrates aggressive behavior too often, it's time to think about it. Over time, aggression can become entrenched in personality traits such as callousness, causticity, quick temper, so you need to organize child support as early as possible.
History 1. "Funny pictures."
"To silence in the children's room, I'm suspicious ," says mother of the five-year-old Ira. - It is possible that behind the closed doors again some sort of sabotage takes place. Flowers on wallpaper, socks in the aquarium - at first we regarded these actions of the baby as creative impulses, but then realized: Ira does it for spite. In principle, my husband and I try not to apply corporal punishment, we act "farewell", but one day they could not stand it. One day friends came to visit us, and while we were having tea in the kitchen, Ira prepared a "gift": an album for drawing from the beginning to the end pasted with green portraits of Benjamin Franklin and George Washington. Feelings that my husband and I experienced at the time of delivery of this "applique", words can not convey ... "
Cause. Most often, such stories happen with the children of very "busy" parents who have a catastrophic lack of time for their babies. And it's not just about mothers who are careerists: sometimes housewives do not have a free minute. Meanwhile, psychologists have proved that parental attention is a vital necessity for the normal development of the child (not only mental, but also physical!). And if the child does not get the right amount of attention, then he finds his way to get it. After all, if you create something "sort of", the parents will necessarily tear themselves away from their endless deeds, get angry, make a remark, scream. Of course, all this is not very pleasant, but attention will be received. And it's better than nothing at all ...
What to do? The first reaction of parents to the negative act of the baby should be ... a deep ten-second sigh. And only a little calmer, you can start to chastise the child. Talk to him as an adult, explain how upset you are with his trick (however, avoid accusations: "You are bad, bad", otherwise the child will believe that he really is). Well, when the conflict is over, consider whether your little one gets enough attention. Perhaps you spend a lot of time with him, but for a child it's much more important than how much, but how. Sometimes a ten-minute joint lesson - reading, drawing - means more than two hours, spent like together, but not in interaction.
History 2. "Save yourself, who can!"
Six-year-old Alina - an active girl, sociable, with any children quickly finds a common language and ... as quickly losing it. Because all the controversial situations she used to solve with her fists, teeth or objects turned up by the arm: sticks, stones. Teachers in the kindergarten from Alina "moan": the girl constantly fights with someone, snatches toys from children and breaks them. And Alina does not let her parents go home: just what she does not want, immediately swings, curses, screams, threatens. "This behavior must be stopped ," Alina's mother argues. - Therefore, the belt in our house is always in a prominent place. True, he helps a little ... "
Cause. Most likely, the girl simply copies the relations reigning in the family. If parents are used to talking with a child in high-pitched tones, and all conflicts are solved by force, then the child will behave accordingly. It's a mistake to think that a child can be "broken", overcome his resistance and disobedience. On the contrary, a toddler who is constantly defeated, whose interests are neglected (as if not spoiled!), Becomes more aggressive. He accumulates resentment and anger at his parents, which he can take in any situation - at home, in kindergarten, on the site.
What to do? In no case do not react to aggression of the child with reciprocal aggression: threats, cries, rude offensive words, especially corporal punishment. Show your negative attitude to the behavior or behavior of the child can be in other ways: for example, depriving him of watching cartoons, going to a cafe or walking with friends (by the way, punishing is always better, depriving something good than delivering bad things). But, even when announcing the punishment, try to stay calm: explain to the kid that any of his negative actions entails consequences, let him know about it.
In some situations, you should use the warning method. For example, a child begins to behave defiantly on the playground: bullying, pushing other kids, picking up toys. It is not necessary to repeat long: "Do not push, do not fight!" - it's better to warn at once, saying: "If you treat children badly, I will take you home." In this case, the child has the opportunity to think and decide. If he changes his behavior, his parents will praise him, and he will go on a walk, if he continues, he will go home. This method avoids unnecessary edification, wrangling, and talk. But it is very important to remember that the warning must necessarily be fulfilled so that the child does not consider it an empty threat.
History 3. "Sabers pistols."
"All the games of my son are associated exclusively with battles, fights or wars ," says the mother of the four-year-old Dima. " He can run around the apartment for hours, waving pistols or sabers, while shouting bellicose threats. On my proposals to play in some more peaceful game, the kid almost always responds with a refusal. The only thing that can distract a young rebel from weapons is the TV. But again my son gives preference to the plot-"horror stories": about the monster seven-headed, about the turtles-ninja. Honestly, by evening I'm very tired of these endless wars. In addition, flying sabers in the apartment sometimes fall directly into me or the tired father who came back from work . "
Cause. Actually, aggressiveness is an inherent trait of any boy's character. According to scientists, even when parents carefully protect their sons from military toys and films with violent scenes, boys still play in the war, turning pencils, sports equipment and other purely peaceful things into weapons.
What to do? If the aggressiveness of the son is manifested only in games and no more, then there is nothing to worry about. The fact that boys play violent and noisy games is natural, and forcing them to something else would mean to go against their nature. However, you can carefully give the game a new direction, so that the child has discovered new opportunities. But for this it is not enough simply to offer to play "in something else". The child should be interested, taught how to play: psychologists point out that modern parents have completely forgotten how to play with their children, and are increasingly concerned with early development and learning.
OPINION OF EXPERT: Alla Sharova, psychologist of the children's center "Nezabudki"
The parents of a child prone to aggression should learn one important rule: whatever the cause of child aggression - character or education - negative energy can not be suppressed in any case, it must necessarily be released outside. To do this, there are well-known techniques: allow the child to violently tear the paper, cut plasticine knife clay, scream, stamped feet. Also learn to switch the child's aggression into a peaceful channel. For example, you noticed that your baby starts screaming and screaming around the apartment, sweeping everything in its path. Then offer him a little practice in ... singing. Give in hands the improvised microphone, put at a mirror, show dance movements - let represents of itself the actor. Or the child starts aimlessly at parents without reason. Immediately say: "Oh, yes you are our boxer! Here's your punching bag. " And give the child a pillow, let him pound on her as much as necessary.