A person often experiences fears in his life, so that this feeling becomes habitual. It's enough once to feel the fear very much, how he will pursue a person throughout his life, showing himself stronger or weaker. The older a person becomes, the stronger his fears become. A person is frightened by those circumstances and memories that once acted on his mind, disturbed his soul.
What can be done so that fears do not affect the future life of our children?
The causes of childhood fears
One most common reason is a specific event, a case that frightened a child. Fortunately, such fears can be adjusted. And not all children develop a strong fear of surrounding events after a specific unpleasant event - for example, if a child is bitten by a dog. The nature of the baby, his feature will help cope with fears, if he is more independent, for example. And vice versa, you will have to work on some traits, such as: self-doubt, anxiety, depression, which can appear and develop in the child, if from the cradle to frighten the baby Baba-Yaga, gray wolf, who will punish him for bad behavior.
In childhood we are all great dreamers, which has the other side of the coin - childhood fantasy can breed new fears. After all, remember how many of us were afraid of darkness or a dark corner? What is the reason for this? And with what we could imagine, as if from a dark room that does not differ in any way in lighting, there may be a cast or come to life of some terrible monster. However, one of the children, over time, forgets about these fears, and someone in a more adult age feels the approaching fear when moving from room to kitchen in the middle of the night.
An adult-induced fears in childhood can also be firmly entrenched for life. Often vigilant parents, trying to teach children to handle cautiously with objects and phenomena of the surrounding world, lamenting: "Do not touch - you will burn yourself", "Do not go - fall", "Do not stroke - bite," forget that it will cause more resonance and scare: herself situation or threats of adults. The child does not understand what can happen if he does it his way, but the exact alarm is already firmly in his head. Such fears and fear remain in the subconscious for a lifetime
To experience fear is natural, but which of them can be called normal? Every child can experience the fears inherent in a certain age.
Age dynamics of fears
At the age of 1-2 years the child has fears over something unknown - be it an animal, a new person or an unusual thing for him. Up to 1 year, children experience fear in the absence of a mother, change in her mood or external changes in the environment - loud sounds, too bright lights.
At the age of 2-3 years, the child begins to fear new formats of space: heights, depths, far in the woods, on high floors, in the attic, and also at night (deep night, one evening), there are fears of pain (inoculation at a doctor's appointment ), punishments (put in a corner!), the fear of being left alone. Do you remember how we did not like it when our parents left for a long time and looked forward to their return impatiently?
Fears associated with the development of the child's fantasy appear at the age of 3-4 years. Children come up with or recall from the cartoon, the fairy tale the most terrible creature that "can threaten" them and necessarily guards them under the bed in order to grab a small foot in time.
At the younger school age, six to seven years old, the fear of death of their relatives, mother or father begins to appear. The child at this age already knows that a person can die, therefore, with a long absence of parents in the evening, some natural phenomena (thunderstorms, dark clouds during the day), the kids may feel an overwhelming fear.
Becoming a little older, these childish fears give way to the fear of being punished, late for school, getting a bad mark. Children develop, and at the same time a "magical mood" appears - the children begin to believe in the brownie, the Queen of Spades, evil spirits, remember bad signs, unfortunate figures. At this age, fears are supplemented by premonitions, fears, anxiety and habitual for such an age suggestibility.
When children become teenagers, their main fears are usually the fear of the death of parents and a possible war. At the same time, such fears are interrelated. There are fears of fire, flood, attack, own death. Girls are more prone to fears than boys. However, the total number of fears decreases in children in the school and adolescent years compared to their preschool age.
Where is the correct solution?
In the life of the child every day there are new objects, unfamiliar situations. He wants to cope with them, understand how they are arranged, get rid of the fear of the unknown - and the child goes to his parents.
It is believed that if the parents help - give the necessary information, show by example and attend the "study of the world" by the baby, then, thus, they will help their child cope with any childish fears.
It happens that before any serious event in the child's life, for example, "the first time in the first class" it is necessary to support and tell how you experienced this event in life and give more information. Help feel your child that he is not alone in his experiences.
Sometimes, returning from school, children come to an empty apartment, which in itself is unusual and scary for them. Allow them to turn on the TV, get a cat, a dog or a parrot - with whom he could talk, feel that he is not alone in the house.
The fear of change for children is moving to a new place, the appearance of new neighbors, a new court. Try to capture something from the previous place that could remind and create a sense of reliability, security. Maybe it will be some kind of bush that you plant in your new place of residence.
When a child experiences fear, it is especially important to become his understanding friend, listen to him and convince him that he is completely safe, especially when all relatives are together and next to him. The degree of trust determines the continued presence or absence of fears in the life of the child, discuss everything that could have worried him. It is important to understand where the fear comes from, what is the source. Parents should help the child cope with fears on their own. If persuasions and arguments do not help - distract him - look through the window, play around. Yes, just suggest that the child draw his fear on the piece of paper - it will immediately become clear that he is not so dangerous.
And, it is very important to talk constantly with the child, to involve him in a conversation. This is the most powerful tool in the fight against childish fears.