Nevertheless, psychologists suggest that we imagine a family and its members in the form of a pyramid. The one who is in the house is the most important, it will be on its top, all the other household members will dance around it. And parents are not always the head of the family. Dad, Mom, I'm a close family - and that says a lot.
All the best for children!
All three, four, six pairs of "family" eyes are fixed on him from early childhood. When the baby sits down on the porch of the cottage, two grandmothers on the line rush to him to put pads: hemps are cool. When the baby draws his circle in life, the family exhales: "Brilliantly ...", and my father stealthily shakes hands with his mother: "Thank you for this son." Well, and so on. Time goes by, the attitude of the family to a small genius does not change, even when it becomes obvious that the child does not possess special talents.
- Pros. A child from childhood is protected from everything negative by the immense love of his family. That's for sure that in such a house and walls the enemy's blow will withstand. If there is at least a drop of any talent in it, it can be said with certainty that the relatives will bring this sprout to perfection and will grow a strong tree.
- Minuses. The surrounding world is deeply indifferent to the love of some unknown relatives to some unknown subject. Others will not support this love with assurances of his genius, if one does not see it. If parents from a small age instilled in the child that he is unique and unique, in his adult age it will be difficult for him to think of himself somehow differently. He will be sure that criticism of others is an elementary envy. Many live a lifetime with such a margin of self-sufficiency and live well!
Grandmother is our helmsman
It happens that the top of the family pyramid is a representative of the older generation - a grandmother. She is a king and a god, she will have mercy, she will condemn. Her word is the law, it does not occur to anyone to disobey. On children's holidays, she sits on the rightful place of the birthday boy, at the head of the table. Zorko looks at his grandson's friends, somebody explicitly approves, somebody is also obviously unpleasant to her. She paints the family budget and, sometimes, even gives money for lunch to the son-in-law and daughter. They consult each other for a long time how to persuade the granny to buy a new computer, the meaning in which she does not see, and how to build a conversation about selling an old machine and buying a new one. Grandmother is strict, she does not allow "children" to rest in Turkey, because there are still "our" Black and Azov seas, and in general, nothing better than the old dacha in the suburbs and can not be.
- Pros. In the family where the grandmother rules, there is always order and full accountability. Grandchildren observe the regime of the day, the family's money intact and safe. Grandmother - it's stability and unquestionable authority.
- Minuses. Grandma's kingdom does not last forever. Sooner or later someone gets out of her control, because the grandmother is getting old, and the children and grandchildren are growing up and gaining strength. Young children who grew up in such a family are formed with the wrong idea about the relationship between adults and about "who is the master of the house." Of these, either grown-up and suppressed adults often grow up, or, conversely, powerful and cruel people who respect "hazing" not only in the army, but also in ordinary life.
Freedom forever
It happens that the top place of the family pyramid remains ... vacant. The child, of course, has a mom and dad, but he populates the top of the invented heroes. Like Carlson. Parents at work, they have the mysterious word "career". A nanny who comes and is perfect from all sides, but she has her grandson and loves something, she is really just his, and here she simply earns money. And if the parents do not notice this, then the child feels the icy indifference with skin and heart. No heat! And he creates a warm friend, a cheerful companion, an interlocutor and a naughty boy. With a made-up friend so easy! He sits next to me in the car, when the child is taken to a children's camp for a vacation, and he stands bravely beside him when the kid answers at the board. With the "friend" is not so sad in the evenings, when parents periodically call, worry and ask to "wait a little more", because they have an important meeting, a long trip, later a meeting. "Do not be offended, baby, your mother loves you, Dad loves you." And he piously believes that he is loved, but the word "love" eventually becomes a cold white color, it's so beautiful and so far away ... Pros. The child very early on becomes independent, understands that his parents are not the last people on this planet, they know how to make a career and how to lead people. Such children quietly fly on an airplane with strangers uncles and aunts who were asked to look after the child, they never cry and contemptuous of the plaxes, who in the same plane do not let mom into the toilet. Minuses. Fantasies with a made-up friend can end not too much fun. Child psychologists know a lot of examples when the child so deeply withdrew into himself that it was necessary to "get" it from there to medical luminaries. Early maturation is an invention. Our age-related changes occur only from the lived years, and not from the lack of attention of the people closest to us-parents. Hence, such independence is nothing but disappointment in the father and mother, bitterness, resentment and elementary defensive reaction. What kind of parent will be the author of the invented friends? The same cold and distant? Or do not want to have children, remembering that unfriendly and prolonged time, which is called childhood?
So how should it be?
It is almost impossible to answer this question. There is no ideal scheme, which would fit the relations of all families without exception. But still there is one option. Of course, parents must be at the top of the pyramid. Their love extends to each other, and then projected onto children. Children perceive them as a whole. Parents solve all the issues, they are "main". Grandparents are welcome, and they can be even closer to children, but the last word is always left for mom and dad. This submission without violence, respect without fear, friendship without servility. And in such relationships you will not find any disadvantages. Solid pluses. It is a pity that they do not meet often.