There are a number of main reasons for the vagaries of the child. First, he can be capricious, if something disturbs him, for example, he feels pain, but he does not understand this, he simply feels a strong discomfort. The peculiarity of young children is that they can not evaluate what is happening in their bodies, the way an adult can feel and understand it. Secondly, capricious, the child often just makes it clear that he feels a lack of attention. He chose the first way to communicate with you. Thirdly, your baby, most likely, has already realized that he can achieve a lot from you with his whims and hysteria. He just uses it wisely. This is a signal that you lack strength in the fight against children's whims.
And finally - the fourth option, the most common, which should be discussed in more detail. Many parents are not even aware of its existence and explain the vagaries of the child for any other reasons. In the end, they simply lose precious time. Quite often, your child wants to make you understand that you show excessive custody of him, he openly shows a desire to become more independent. This is especially developed in those families where the authoritarian style of upbringing prevails, when adults habitually aspire to dictate to the child all his actions. At the same time, parents are motivated by the best motives, because they know exactly "how it should be." Only a child at this age is already able to critically evaluate this "must" and completely in its own way.
As a result of numerous studies of psychologists, it was proved that a child at an early age for harmonious development needs a reasonable balance between freedom, tutelage and prohibitions. It is important for him to feel that he is not only being cared for, but also giving the right to choose himself, respecting him as an individual. Many parents are absolutely convinced that they support the democratic style of education, but in fact, on the contrary, they are hammering their child morally. Such "caring" mothers do not give the baby on their own and step to step: "Do not touch it! "," Do not play here! ", "Do not go there! ". Is it necessary to constantly protect the baby from trouble? A child, after all, is not a piece of clay and not a puppet, he does a lot of himself, whether you like it or not. He wants to try everything himself, to learn everything, and this is impossible without mistakes, cones and tears.
Often in many families excessive strictness is dictated by parental interests, to which an obedient child causes less problems. After all, if the child is quiet, calm, sits in the corner and does not bother anyone, does not ask endless questions, does not ask to play - it's convenient. But how such a kid will grow, how will it develop, where will he take the material for mental and creative growth?
In three years the child crosses the threshold of independence called "I myself". We are interfering with his prohibitions, notations and instructions, we infringe on him, though still childish, but human dignity. And again, even imperceptibly for ourselves, but for him it is very tangible, we show that he is "nobody" and we are "the smartest". And the kid is forced at least with attacks of disagreement to declare his self. The manifestation of stubbornness is a natural defensive reaction of the child protesting against the infringement of his independence. Think about what it will cost the child your struggle with whims? Do not grind yourself with the thought that in the event of your complete "victory" over the vagaries of the baby, it will be easier for you to live. Just the opposite. You will receive in the future a weak-willed, impersonal being. And very soon you yourself will score the alarm on another occasion: "Oh, my child is not at all adapted to life. He is not so sure of himself, he is afraid of everything. He is shy, incredulous, withdrawn, resentful, does not get along with peers. " Complaints of this kind express at the reception of a psychologist half of all parents. Moreover, the children's age varies from 5 to 16 years. And do not understand such parents that the roots of the infantilism of their children are born in this very first "peak of whims", when adults managed to break the child by cramming it into frames convenient for them. But childish selfishness in the future generates self-esteem, and stubbornness - persistence and perseverance of the spirit.
That is why it is so important that the struggle with children's moods does not turn against the child and his future. Any new requirements or prohibitions must necessarily be reasonable and understandable to the child. And this is the only way to alleviate the first "peak of whims" for yourself and for the child. Do you think he does everything to spite you? Remember how your prohibition sounded. If it was a dry "can not", without any explanation, then you almost certainly will rush to reciprocal stubbornness. After all, at this age there is nothing more tempting than doing something that is "not allowed." And in this every individuality manifests itself.
Faced with the vagaries of the child, we often immediately find out the reason. And you can just think, but are not you being obstinate? Who is more stubborn: parents who constantly say "this is impossible", "it is necessary to do so ..." or a child protesting against all this in an attempt to defend his self? Or maybe you do not have enough imagination, flexibility, desire and time to explain to the kid, why do you want from him exactly this. Or is it more important to you only his obedient obedience? After all, you can just cope with childhood whims, threatening to develop into hysterics, saying, for example: "Oh, look, how many tears! Let's put them in a bottle. " Or "Oh, there's a little capricious man on you! So cute! Let's play hide and seek with him. " It is unlikely that there will be a child in the world who, hearing something like that, will not switch with pleasure to an interesting game. And then with the same pleasure will do what you asked him unsuccessfully in the orderly order.
And most importantly, in a situation of whim, all members of the family behaved identically. Otherwise your baby will very soon learn how to manipulate grandmother, grandfather, dad skillfully, what kind of behavior to apply to each of them.