Do not spoil relations with her son because of her new husband

It is known that raising a child alone is very difficult. And not so much financially. The most difficult is the process of education and formation of the boy as a person. A boy brought up by one mother always lacks male education. In this situation, a woman usually thinks about creating a new family - the boy needs a father. Today we will talk about how not to spoil relations with the son because of the new husband.

My mother is going to get married and a number of questions and fears arise before her - whether the son will be able to accept the new pope, how not to spoil relations with the baby, whether a man will love your child and find a common language. After all, the answer to these questions will depend on the fate of your family and the atmosphere in which to grow your son. Often, the arising problems with the child's behavior are directly related to his reaction to the changed circumstances of life, to the presence of a new person in the house. We must not forget that the son is used to the fact that all your time, attention and love are given only to him. And in the new circumstances, you have to share with another person. Against this background, the child often has a total aversion, jealousy, you will not have enough understanding with the son because of the new husband. He will accuse you of betraying his father.

To avoid such a difficult situation, in which your son, of course, is experiencing real stress, you should never put it before a fait accompli. Be sure to talk to your son seriously, explain to him your position in this matter and listen carefully to everything that he answers. After all, children perfectly feel adults, they can notice something that eludes your eyes. You are in love and can not notice something in your chosen one or do not attach importance to it. Listen to the child's words and think. If your son expresses some negative views on your man, do not take it as a whim. We need to think carefully and analyze everything the child said. What if he's right? Is it worth it to spoil relations with the son because of the new husband, is the game worth the candle?

In addition, take your time with marriage. It will be good if your son and your chosen one try to communicate, get to know each other. Your child should get used to the appearance of a new person in the family. And you should try to prepare it for the fact that your attention and care will not only be for him, but for your husband. Your son should take this situation normally. Explain to him that this does not mean weakening your control.

You should understand that with the arrival of a new member of the family, your son will, of course, lack your attention. He was used to the fact that you were his undivided possession, but now everything has changed. That is why in the case when mother, while making arrangements for her personal life, forgets about the child because of the new husband, about his feelings, there are problems with behavior, with studies. After all, a child left to himself gets freedom and disposes of it in his own way.

Under no circumstances should you forget about the child in a situation, he should feel that your relations with him have not changed. You must make every effort to bring together two people dear to you. Do not remove the husband from your son, solve all the problems that arise together. Joint trips, just walking. Try to do the household chores they did together, then the child will understand that he is on an equal footing with the family.

Sometimes it happens like this: stepfather, trying to establish relationships with the stepson, asking him gifts, interceding for him in case you punish him - this is absolutely wrong approach. A child should perceive a new member of the family as a native person, and not as a guest. Gifts and favors - this is not an option of education. He should see that the new father supports his mother, and parents do not have different opinions on his behavior. Therefore, if the child is guilty, then he must be punished, because next time the misconduct can be even worse. Especially if it's a teenage age.

How a child perceives a new father, this primarily depends on you, and at the same time is largely determined by the age of the child. For a baby it's very simple, because he sees both of you as one whole - a good mother. For such a baby, the departure of the pope is reflected only in the fact that the mother is upset, she cries a lot, and she does not focus on the baby. Therefore, if a person appears who makes his mother happy, then the baby quickly gets used to the new situation.

At the age of two, the child is well aware that people are different and not always good. At quarrels of parents, such children feel guilty. He thinks that Mom and Dad quarreled because he behaved badly, did not eat porridge. Therefore, the appearance of the new pope, he perceives with caution and with caution. The child is afraid not to like and ruin the relationship between mom and the new pope. In addition, the baby is already thinking about whether this uncle is good or not.

Children from three to six years old experience the so-called Oedipus complex. At this age, the child has a strong sense of competition. If the parents leave, this boy is both grieving and triumphant at the same time. He believes that in the care of the pope, his merit. In this situation, when you meet a new dad, you will encounter a storm of emotions of the son. The boy thinks that you are both well, you are his undivided possession.

Adolescence is perhaps the most difficult, but there are still problems in the family. In such situations, because of the new husband of the mother, the child has a lot of emotions - doubts, fear, guilt, competition, jealousy. And everything will depend on how the son perceives the situation.

So, the most important, important moment is your son's first acquaintance with a potential dad. For dating, there are five rules that will help you:

1. You must prepare your son for the meeting. Tell him about your chosen one - let him get acquainted with him in absentia, even before a personal meeting takes place.
2. Try to get acquainted in a neutral territory. You can sit in a cafe, go to the zoo or just take a walk in the park.
3. It would be wrong to say to the son the phrase "he will be your new father." So you hurt the feelings of the child and insult your ex-husband. You put a new candidate before the fact of imposition of those duties, of which he did not think.
4. Do not cover the child with a stream of information. After the announcement of the wedding, do not immediately say that you are expecting another baby.
5. And most importantly, remember, your child is not the cause of the gap and not a trump card in your game. If you are afraid that the baby spoils everything at the meeting, then the connection is not strong enough. Do not hurry with marriage.

The main thing is that the child should be convinced that he is still important to you, that he is the person closest to you. But also he must realize the existence of both your desires and your personal life. Then you will succeed.

Now you know how not to spoil relations with your son because of your new husband and remain a happy mother and wife.