Each generation is grumbling that, they say, the youth today went "not the one", dresses and behaves "not so" and that in general "it was better before". However, modern youth really have one very serious flaw, infantilism, or a reluctance to grow up. This is recognized not only by parents, teachers and psychologists. Wives are dissatisfied with infantile husbands, and husbands - infantile wives ... And it's not about physical infantilism - mental retardation as a result of lack of oxygen during childbirth, metabolic disorders and other health problems - and about psychological infantilism. And although it has nothing to do with genes and congenital does not exist, it is parents who "bestow" heirs of this kind with a defect, infantilism - a person's unwillingness to grow up.
There is such a word "must"
Signs of the "infirmity" - infantilism, everyone is well aware of - immaturity, lack of independence, unwillingness to work and assume responsibility. Plus, naivety, carelessness, superficial interests and a changeable mood - in short, everything that is peculiar to small children. "Be careless and naive!" - Sang in the famous film tortoise Tortilla. But it's one thing to be "carefree and naive" at 7 years old, and quite another - at 17 and even at 37 ... Alas, until 10-12 years to recognize in the heir the signs of infantilism is not possible, because all young children are playful, and they hate the word "must". Later, by the age of 13-14, the idea must inevitably shift in consciousness - in the direction of growing up, when the child learns to do not only what he wants and likes, but also what is needed. For example, remove the toys in the room, pick up the younger brother from the kindergarten, or pester for hours over the hated physics. The older the child becomes, the more responsibilities he has, the more responsibility he must bear for his actions.
But for some children this shift in consciousness for some reason does not happen, and they continue to behave like babies - and in the transition years, and even later. Instead of listening to the teacher, they talk aloud at a lesson with a neighbor, draw in notebooks and dream of traveling to Africa. Instead of doing homework, playing for hours on the computer or ... sleeping like babies! Instead of helping parents in the household, they are offended that they did not help them and did not buy the long-promised thing. Instead of telling the truth about the reason for being late, they come up with kindergarten excuses like "I walked and fell in a puddle" or "My water pipe burst unexpectedly in the morning." And so on.
Some parents first find such spontaneity charming and even touching, and then wonder: "The guy is 25 years old, and he still sits on his parents' neck!" Also will sit, because to him so it is comfortable. After all, he is not used to work, to answer for his mistakes and misdemeanors. This, by the way, is the main danger of infantilism. Those who are stuck in childhood are rarely satisfied with decent work - after all, it requires a high degree of responsibility. And they are also afraid to hear in their honor the bravura wedding march of Mendelssohn, preferring to live a civil marriage: if anything, we will disperse, and no one is obliged to anyone. They often change friends and sexual partners, because they are constantly disappointed. "Infantiles" knowingly refuse to give birth to children: this is too troublesome! Here's a dog - quite another matter. True, if you walk with her every day in the morning and in the evening there will be someone else ...
Who is at risk?
Where does the psychological sign of infantilety come from - the unwillingness of a person to grow up? There is a version that he became total because of ... excessive well-being in society. As Boris Grebenshchikov sings: "The children of generals go crazy because they have nothing more to want." Modern youth just ate: having everything from laptops to cars, it no longer wants to strive for anything. The argument is convincing, especially if we consider that infantilism has become a disease of the younger generation, not only in Ukraine.
However, the last word is still for the parents. If they competently encourage the child's independence and independence, the offspring is unlikely to be "stuck" in childhood for a long time. Conversely, over-scraped children, strangled by parental love, care and care, once again do not strike a finger on the finger. And why strain if adults with a spoon feed, the bed will be tucked, boots cleaned, clothes smoothed out, and with them to school pack a full bag of raznosolov?
If mom and dad do not stop to think about and stop caring for a child as a patient, the diagnosis of "psychological infantilism" is guaranteed to him. Especially if it's ...
Late, long-awaited child. Parents have dreamed about his appearance for so many years that they are ready to do everything for their beloved "chick", even if the "chick" has long been shaving.
Younger child in a large family. He is often pampered, carefully guarded, less often punished. For him, as a rule, nannies are not only mom and dad, but also older brothers and sisters.
Guys who often got sick in their childhood. Parents, frightened by their endless diseases, try to protect the heirs not only from drafts, but also from the slightest stresses: "Do not sweep the floor, but suddenly you will develop an allergy to dust ?!"
Heirs of successful, held in people's lives. Active, energetic, purposeful parents sometimes literally catch the offspring with their own importance and success: "I read in the original in your days of Shakespeare and Dickens, and you can not connect two words in English!" Believing that he really can not reach such a high level of parental achievements, the child beforehand passes before any life difficulties, becomes timid and indecisive, looking around at all to the all-powerful mother and father.
There is also one more extreme , when rich parents bathe their children in luxury: "Are you going to wash the dishes? And what about the housekeeper?" At the extreme, the house has a dishwasher. " Thus, adults themselves cultivate in daughters and sons an unwillingness to work. But even Rockefeller, a man who is far from poor, kept his heirs in the gloves of the mittens, giving them pocket money only for the work done. So, for example, the sharpening of a pencil cost ten cents, an hour of music lessons - five, for ten weeds pulled out in a weed garden the child was supposed to have one dollar, and for stuck firewood - fifteen cents. Even the bicycle, and the one was for the children of Rockefeller one for four: the father believed that so children would soon learn to share with each other.
Let him go on a campaign!
Are you afraid that your child has every chance to become an infantile freeloader and a slacker? Then urgently take to get him out of this swamp! Moreover, according to psychologists, with the uncomplicated sign of infantilism - a person's unwillingness to grow up, the forecast is usually favorable - lessons of labor therapy, important and, most importantly, responsible assignments - and the child grows up before our very eyes! But in particularly neglected cases without a therapist can not do, because apart from soul-saving conversations, you may also need medicines.
First we suggest you use the recommendations of psychologists.
Encourage the child to be independent. If he decided for the first time in his life to cook pasta (which he turned into porridge), do not ridicule the inexperienced culinary expert. Moreover - by all means praise! And not only for the initiative, but also for the prepared dinner. And between the cases tell me that the next time the pasta will be even more delicious, if they occasionally stir.
Do not lose contact with the heir: talk more with him, try to keep abreast of all his experiences. Arrange family holidays, often rest with the whole family. Infantile children are easily suggestible and can fall under the influence of bad companies with all the consequences ...
Think about the list of things that your child can do. It will sober him, save him from unnecessary reverie, teach him how to plan his day and take responsibility for specific assignments. Let's say a junior high school student is able to clean a cat's tray every day, clean up his room and go to the store for bread. Give the child instructions, be consistent and persistent. If you said: "To clean up for a cat - your daily duty," then do not be lazy in the evening to check whether your heir remembers it. Forgot? Be sure to remind! If the child learns to be responsible for small matters, then in the course of time, even larger ones will honestly and conscientiously perform.
Infantile children are selfless romanticists. Remember this! Your task - to direct the children's cravings for adventure in a peaceful direction. A child dreams of traveling to other countries? Write it down in the tourism section. And it does not matter that the route will lie in the near forest-steppe, and not in the Sahara desert, but the tourist will bring the dreamer from heaven to earth. After all, in it he will learn how to build a fire, prepare food, navigate the stars. This is the preparation for real long wanderings!
Mama's son is dangerous!
Men, in whom the mother of the soul did not want to drink - took her hand, protected her from "bad" friends, interfering with children's quarrels, grow up as mamma's sons and ... useless husbands. Psychologists believe that immense maternal adoration leads to the fact that a man grows selfish, believing that everything in this world is only for him. He does not like to take on unnecessary duties - after all for him everything was done by his mother, and now, according to his logic, everything must be done by the wife. Infantile men behave like children: they demand that they be collected for work, cooked breakfast for them, even if the beloved did not sleep all night or lies in a bed with a high temperature. When an infant enters the family, conflicts are inevitable, because "this ever-feeding misunderstanding" takes away the attention of the beloved woman! The trouble is that such men like beautiful sex, because they are very romantic. They can, for example, throw one million red roses at their feet. True, money for roses will most likely be taken from parents ...
Infantile is easier to prevent than treat. Watch out if the offspring ...
- He is not seriously carried away by anything or his interests are constantly changing;
- fun and entertainment for him is more important than studying;
- he constantly lies in his excuse, blaming others:
- always ask the opinion of adults, even on the most insignificant issues;
- suffers from sharp mood swings; Gurgling laughter gives way to sobbing;
- hardly досоживает till the end of a lesson, hardly concentrates attention.