Mom of the XXI century - what are they?
Of course, the maternal role is one of the most important in a woman's life. Only now we play it differently. Take a closer look at the types of modern moms "painted" by psychologists, and even recognizing yourself in some of the "portraits", do not get discouraged. Harmonize in itself the different hypostases of motherhood is never too late!
Mother-hen
The overmature mother is ready to devote herself entirely to the family, easily sacrificing her career and other "nonsense". Because for her this is the main thing! "After sitting out chickens," she plunges into pleasant trouble-feeding, walking, saving from a cold ... Modern "hens" have somewhat extended the traditional range of care: they devote much time to the all-round development of the child. Dancing, aikido, English, reading smart books, education of good taste - the day of the baby is painted literally by the minute. As a result, the child grows dependent and dependent: the mother-child captures the child's inner world, not allowing him to show his individuality. Such a relationship psychologists call a symbiosis (fusion), and they are harmful to everyone: for a child who is protected from life in general, and for a mother who voluntarily abandoned herself for the sake of the baby. Sooner or later, the "protective" tactics of the mother begin to provoke a violent protest from the child. Or dependence (first - from my mother's care, then - from the opinions of others) becomes his second nature.
What to do? Let go of the child! Gradually, as he grows up, take responsibility for his personal affairs, transferring authority to his life to himself. To begin this process it is necessary with small things: let the child dress himself, eat, cover the crib, fold the toys ... And, finally, make decisions - for example, go for a walk in the park or do puzzles? Passing to the child one duty after another, you take care of his future: all his skills are the guarantee of self-confidence!
Business Mom
You will not see your mom very often - a boy is almost always with a nanny or grandmother. And where is Mom? Of course, at work: there she is an important person, without which - no way! Of course, my mother suspects that the baby does not have enough heat and attention - and compensates for this, filling his son with gifts "without reason" and arranging entertainment "non-stop" on weekends.
Business masters do not have motherhood as a priority. There are many reasons for this behavior: the need to work hard, ambitious career plans, maternal dominance, or simply selfishness. Today we are accustomed to this phenomenon and we see in it a lot of advantages: if everyone does a thing that works out well (my mother builds a career, and the nanny-superprofy brings up the baby) - what's wrong with that?
In the future, the child, it is not excluded, respects her active parent, and she will help him get a job in life. But ... Mom is needed today! Bent over the cradle, rejoicing in a new word, healing the first bumps ... Without this support, the baby can not do. The most vulnerable period for a baby is 6-12 months (communication with her mother literally "nourishes" the baby!). But after a year the child really needs immediate "related" communication: according to scientists, the more difficult a living organism, the longer it depends on the mother.
What to do? Take care of the replenishment in the family with all responsibility and give the crumb a full "period" of your attention - ideally the first years of his life (at this time the foundation of the child's basic trust in the world is laid). And if circumstances have developed differently, do not reproach yourself, but do not let everything go by itself! Than pampering crumbs with material goods, better give him a maximum of his time - in the evenings, on weekends, on vacation. It is important not only its quantity, but also quality - communication should be "included", active, confidential. Go into the child's problems, hug, kiss, do not forget to say how much you love him.
Mom-girlfriend
This is a typical phenomenon of modern times (it is unlikely that "moms-friends" were with our moms!) And, at first glance, the ideal alignment. If the mother builds a relationship with the child on the principle of "freedom, equality and brotherhood", and at the heart of their communication is mutual trust - it's wonderful! It is interesting with her (as a rule, the social life of such a mother beats with a key): it is easy to conduct philosophical conversations, share impressions, wash away the bones of friends. But even here there are underwater reefs. Education for such mothers is, above all, entertainment. But what about other maternal functions? Their mother-friend tries to shift to helpers - father, grandmother, nanny, teacher ... And instead of authoritative opinion, she offers "friendly advice" (loyal and maximally "adjusted" for the child). But after all, the guidance of a wise mentor is also sometimes necessary! Sometimes the mother-girlfriend shares with the child that he "is too tough" (for example, discusses the vicissitudes of a stormy personal life or even an intimate one) - while also waiting for a "sensible" advice!
What to do? To mature! It's nice to be a mother-holiday, of course, but the child needs your help in "everyday life". If the origins of this behavior are fully realized and lie in the desire to become not like your own mother (domineering, overwhelming authority), just correct the portrait of the "girlfriend". A big plus in this situation is that the child is not afraid to tell you the truth. Therefore, it is not difficult to find out what it lacks.
Authoritarian Mom
"Just try not to finish eating porridge!", "To be at home at 8!" or "It is necessary to do so!" Why? I said so! " - these are the typical phrases of such a mother. And the main principles for the early development and upbringing of the child: "It is better to quarrel than not to mock" and "Prevention is above all!". Of course, Mom wishes her son all the best - a successful life without mistakes and mistakes. Only it is unlikely that it will turn out: the boy grows insecure in himself ... And he dreams of getting rid of Mom's "oppression" as soon as possible!
This mother is energetic and powerful. She is sure that everything is right and does everything for the good of the child (albeit contrary to his wishes). "In the modern world, in these" jungles, "only the strongest fight through, I will educate just such - then I'll thank you again!" - the motto of such moms. Psychologists distinguish two types of "authoritative" moms: a business woman-leader, transferring the methods of working management to relations with the child, and a vain mummy, compensating for her own failures with maximum successes (all the hope for him, he must be the very-very!).
Control is the main educational principle of such mothers: it is necessary to know everything about the child, always about actions, thoughts, friends, plans ... After all, only in this case one can influence, prompt, prevent, prevent! The child suffers - total observation suppresses activity and creativity, inflated demands and lack of the right to mistake form a low self-esteem. In addition, he early learns to lie (to avoid maternal anger), and breaking away from the custody, it may well run into all serious. To achieve success in life it is difficult for him (since childhood he was squeezed into the clutches of rules and control, he is not dependent), as well as success in his personal life (from "depressed" boys "Mama's sons" often grow up, from "depressed" girls - potential wives-victims "despotic husbands).
What to do? Discovering the features of the controller, have the courage to admit it. Do not be afraid to lose the authority of the child, presenting it as "humane" and "wrong"! The temptation to leave everything as is is much more risky: the child can acquire aggressiveness and neurological disorders, become vulnerable to the authoritarian position of anyone (succumb to bad influence). Remember that the highest good for a child is not to become the best, but to be yourself: to realize one's own desires!
Anxious Mom
Alyosha's mother sees the potential danger in everything: "Get off the swing - do you want to fall?", "No, no matinee: there will be so many people, and now the city has the flu!". He tries his best to protect the baby from all sorts of risks, but he still grows weak, not getting out of illness. And sad ... "Why so?" - Inna laments. Also does not notice, that the reason - in itself.
Disturbing mothers are obtained from overly responsible women, prone to self-sacrifice and perfectionism. And there are many such today! Firstly, being an "excellent pupil" is fashionable. In addition, a powerful information flow allows the parent to arm various (and contradictory) information about the early development and upbringing of the child, the health of the child (it turns out "grief from the mind" - the more you know, the more risks are seen). Even "exhausted all nerves", such a mother can not stop. She tries to "spread straws" in advance, wherever possible: clearly follows the schedule of feedings, regularly visits all doctors, often consults with psychologists. Reasons for anxiety, however, do not become less - after all, most of them are inside it. And all this mum "pours" on the baby, and anxiety is contagious - and he becomes fearful and restless. And from here to a real illness - one step: neuroses, stuttering, enuresis, psychosomatic diseases ... Psychic development of the baby also "limps": without getting the necessary "positive" love, he subconsciously makes sure - "the world is angry and dangerous." The next depressive personality is ready!
What to do? Start with yourself - work out your fears (preferably together with a psychologist), less worry or at least try not to show this to the baby. But in a soulless robot is not worth it! Maternal anxiety is normal if it is in moderation.
And what about the perfect mother? Does it exist? What are its distinguishing features? Psychologists are sure: she is calm, attentive, benevolent, recognizes the right to her own opinion of the child, accepting him as he is. Considering the upbringing of the kid is very interesting and creative, she alone creates an atmosphere of joy and love for her children. In general, there is something to strive for! And perfection, as you know, there is no limit ...