How to survive the collapse of the family? How to find the strength to continue to give the child warmth and affection, despite oppressing their own experiences? And how to answer the most important question, which sooner or later you will hear from your child a lonely mother: where is my dad?
Whatever the reason for the collapse of the family, for the child this issue will always be a trauma. Therefore, many mothers choose the least vulnerable answer for their children, which is often a lie. Thus, they subconsciously try to protect them from new experiences. But is such a choice really right? After all, sooner or later the child will have to face the truth, which means that a psychological trauma can not be avoided in this case either. How, then, can one explain to his beloved child why he does not have a father, without aggravating the situation?
Psychologists advise to approach this issue with all responsibility. You will have to study patiently for a long time and patiently why there is no pope. Do not harbor hopes that the child will take an incomplete family for granted - in the kindergarten or in the courtyard he will meet children every day, not only with moms, but with uncles as well, and wonder why he does not have such an uncle. Be prepared for such questions, and first of all - do not delay with the answer. It is not necessary to evade from conversations - by this you will only attract attention to the problem and cause even more emotions in this regard. But do not immediately bring down on the child all the reality, as heavy as it is. To begin with, try to explain that "it sometimes happens" and "not all families have dads." Do not forget that the emotional connection between mother and child is very strong, so exclude all negative emotions by talking with the child on such topics. Despite the fact that his father may have caused you a lot of pain and betrayed you, remember that the kid does not need to know about such details, and he is interested in something quite different at the moment.
After the first conversation, the child will calm down for a while and will be satisfied with the answer received. But at the age of 5-6 years he will again try to return to these questions, and your previous answer will no longer suit him, as then. He wants to know why the pope left where he is now and the conversation will be more detailed. Here you must adhere to the neutral image of the father - this is the main rule that you should follow. For example, accurately and calmly explain to the child that it happened that the pope had to go to another city. Avoid expressing your subjective emotions about what happened! Do not say that my father did something bad - tell me that he just had to do it. Adhering to the truth line, try not to say such details that could harm the child. It is important that after your communication with him, in no case did not arise the thought that in that the pope left the family, he is guilty.
However, do not invent fairy tales. Try to tell everything as it really is, in as simple and accessible words as possible, keeping silent those details that can injure the child. After some time he will grow up and will be ready to receive new information, already more consciously and less painfully. At least he will be deprived of the need to understand why you lied to him, and you will not feel guilty, because you have always remained honest with him.
But it is important to remember that no matter how good a mother you are, a child will always need a strong man's hand, and without a man in the family can not do. Let this person become his family friend, your brother, his child, and then the lack of paternal attention will bother him less. It is especially important to take this moment into account in the education of boys.
How to explain to the son, why there is no father? Raising a child alone is very difficult. Therefore, if you had to take such an important and responsible step, remember that you are a strong woman. Let it be necessary to face many difficulties, know that you are able to cope with them. Making any mistakes, do not reproach yourself, because no one is perfect. Do not be afraid to do as the heart tells you, because no one is better than you can not find a way to convey anything to your child. We can only wish for patience and good luck in this hard work.