But serious mistakes, which can bring to nothing the whole process of education, should be avoided by all means. Here we will consider the cases when parents make such unforgivable mistakes, and try to figure out how not to admit them.
Perhaps, the most serious errors of parents in the upbringing of children include the inability to live with the child in good relations. How often we act only by disciplinary methods, demand unconditional submission, get irritated, shout, outraged. We strive to make children complaisant and obedient, we want to see them comfortable, and do not want to develop creatively and contribute to the creative development of their children. But the child most of all needs warmth and understanding from us, not stick discipline!
Many mistakes of parents take place because the mother or father does not want to take into account the physiology or psychology of the child. How easy to write off all the vagaries! And in order to seriously understand the causes of inadequate behavior, it will take effort. In addition, to eliminate the conflict will need to show more and neduzhennuyu fantasy. So, in the situation of the capricious behavior of the child on the street instead of hard command tone and irritation (the usual reaction of an adult, because a child is making noise in a public place!), You can distract the kid with a fairy tale. Telling him a fascinating story in his ear, it's better to speak calm, unflappable and even deliberately cheerful tone. Your task is not to succumb to the mood of a crumb. To his irritation (which is usually caused by real fatigue, nervous overfatigue), it is better to respond by restraint and calmness. Then your efforts will be rewarded, and the conflict will be exhausted. Otherwise, the mood of all will deteriorate, and good relations in the family will crack.
By showing endurance in such a situation, you, among other things, show the child the norm of behavior in any conflict situation. And believe me, if your reaction is always such, calmness and self-control will also become your child's character traits in the future. After all, it is easiest to educate children through repeated practices of behavior in everyday life. The power of the example always works. And although children behave badly about bad behaviors, good examples are also very effective. There are wonderful families where children are hardly educated with words and notations, but children from the very childhood see a decent and honest working life for their parents. As a result, they absorb both samples of conflict-free behavior, and the practice of working, and without much effort, the main results of upbringing are achieved successfully.
It is impossible not to take into account in the education of children the nature of the relationship between the parents themselves. A typical mistake is the desire to see obedience to one's parent word where the wife does not obey her husband, and the husband does not listen to his wife. And the first circumstance has incomparably more importance for the upbringing of children than the second. If family consent prevails in the main issues, if all their adult disputes try to solve constructively, then the child naturally learns the right behavior in a healthy family environment.
The parents' mistakes, such as the lack of moral upbringing, have a negative effect on children. Children feel the need to form correct ideas about what is permissible, what is not, they must feel the boundaries of good and evil. In modern conditions, this means that parents must filter what moral values a child learns from books, movies, toys and computer games. It is better to avoid any forms of violence on the screen and in children's games - so that the child retains a negative attitude to this side of life and did not reproduce them in reality. After all, how often the boundaries of perception of good and evil in children are erased, and they begin to perceive gloomy and evil characters as positive heroes, and the good consider weaklings.
Among the serious mistakes in the upbringing of children is permissiveness. After all, for the child's psyche any extremes are harmful - both excessive severity and connivance. You can not encourage bad behavior, even from the desire not to bring conflict on people. It is better to give a clear sense of the limits of acceptable behavior to children than to correct the mistakes made and reconstruct the already adopted forms of the child's behavior.
It is noteworthy that children often experience adults for strength. And this happens in childhood (beginning about a year - one and a half), and in the preschool period, and at school age. At each stage the child is ready and willing to absorb a certain set of norms of behavior in the society - those that he is capable of absorbing. The adult's response to such a "character test" must invariably be based on restraint, clarity of the requirements for the child and demonstration of a positive attitude toward it (even against the backdrop of a negative assessment of the child's specific behaviors).