It is not necessary to restrain tears ... Especially when they are laughing. With our rubric of fresh anecdotes you can always count on washing! So read it and cry!
*** Paris. Montmartre. Before the traffic light stop three: one behind the wheel of Ferrari, the second sits at Peugeot, and the third - on a bicycle. Usually looked around - and saw each other. Immediately jumped out of their cars, rushed to cuddle each other: - Chaim, are you still alive ?! Moysha, how old! Sema, I do not recognize you! - And you did not want to leave Odessa! I remember how you argued with Aunt Peset in our yard ... And here's a meeting in Montmartre! Friends hug hugely, and then Chaim, who was on Ferrari, said: - Friends! See you in Paris after all these years! This should be noted! I know here is one place on the Champs-Elysees ... We'll sit and have a drink of Burgundy, try some kosher food ... Here Sema, who was at the wheel of the bicycle, hesitated a little: "Oh, Chaim, as if you did not see what I came to!" - Sema, well, you are not your own, well, you will not eat, you will sit for company ... *** Atlantic Ocean, neutral waters. A rusty submarine rises to the surface. A hatch opens, from there a team of Russian sailors falls out. All unshaven, in torn vests. The last to leave the commander: - Who dropped the bowl on the remote? Silence. Everyone looks under their feet. - I ask for the last time, who dropped the bowl on the console ?! Suddenly, another submarine emerges to the surface. Brand new, everything is sparkling. Opens the hatch, a team of American sailors built in a beautiful row. All the shoes are polished, the snow-white uniform ... The submarine's commander casually cashes to the Russians and begins: "Well, well." But in America ... What the Russian commander interrupts: - Yes, there is no more America. Who dropped the bowl, I ask? *** The vacuum cleaner sales agent bypasses all apartments in the house. He goes into the tenth - and demonstratively dumps garbage in the middle of the hallway. He says to the hostesses: "I'll eat it if my miracle vacuum cleaner does not take it away in a second ... Wait, where are you going?" "Behind the spoon." Now it's lunch time, we have two days as there is no electricity.
*** A man is walking along the village, he wanted to drink. He comes to the fence and starts to knock. Nobody comes out. He knocks again. Quiet. Here, he looks, the dog climbs out of the booth. Goes to him and says: - Well, what do you want? The master is at work, his wife is in the garden. Why knock in vain? The peasant faints. He lies for a while, then comes to himself, looks around. He sees that the dog is standing next to him. He said: "Why did not you bark?" "I thought you'd be scared." *** - Andryukha, than the meeting is over? Did you even get enough sleep? - No. I've been thinking all night. Is it possible to get married ... - Come on! You've only known each other for two days! "That's why I think so." She came to me yesterday, hugs, kisses ... And then she says that something is flashing on the screen of my laptop. I'm there - and there's a hell of a virus! And you can not even reboot! And so I try to get it started, and that's it! Already dismantled it in part wanted ... In general, it was three hours, when I realized that there was more than one in the room. She brought me coffee with biscuits ... - Andryukha, do not even think. Get married. And then intercept! *** Early morning. Guys are in the store for vodka. They see a glued pack of nuts on the bottle (share). The first one says: "It's worth it, they even give you nuts." Long pause. Then the second: - Probably, that from a squirrel it was than to pay off. *** In the morning after a passionate night. He dresses, already standing in the doorway. Suddenly he sees a picture of some guy on the table: - Baby, who is it? - Oh, come on some other time ... - Come on, baby, we love each other, tell me. - Well, it's me. Before surgery.
*** - My conscience torments me, and I brought you my apologies. - Go you know where?! "And a bottle of rum." "Give, I'll kiss you!" *** Mom gives her daughter the lessons of life: - Listen, how to choose your husband. Look, your father knows everything about the house. Any equipment will be repaired, furniture will be collected ... - So, for this do not go out, because nothing new in your house will be no more. *** Female logic: "He did not answer my question correctly, so you need to ask it until he answers correctly." *** Wife and her husband quarreled. He left. She sits in the kitchen in tears, does not want to see him. Then he comes back with three bottles of champagne. She puts them down and says: "We'll drink until we like each other again."