On politicians , life twists and turns of show business stars and Hollywood actresses, about the customs prevailing in the service, the behavior of colleagues and the antics of the chief. But especially, you can not throw words out of the song, we like to discuss common acquaintances, friends and even relatives. The statistics says that we dedicate about 65% of our conversations to this blessed topic! On the one hand, since most of us are so passionately involved in this, it means that we need it and bring some benefit. But on the other hand, we all are taught from the early days that it is not good to discuss someone, but to engage in gossip or "harmless" ladies' "hobby" even worse! And no one even the most avid lover of gossip "about times and customs" does not consider the forest definition of "gossip". So how do you find the middle in everything about rumors and gossip?
A positive moment . According to scientists, gossip existed even under the primitive communal system. They are considered one of the means of development of speech. Well, now our language is rich and imaginative, but we are still gossiping. Why? The gossip has one positive moment: they report on the rules by which you need to play and about the boundaries that you should not cross. For example, you moved. And neighbors on the staircase when meeting discuss the previous tenants: "It's good that they moved out. They all the time played music, and bags of rubbish for several days stood at the door of the apartment. " With the help of this gossip, neighbors let you know: you should not do this.
And we are here gossiping or "harmless" ladies' "hobby" indulge. A well-known proverb says that gossip kills all three participants: the narrator, the listener and the "accused." And she is not far from the truth. For example, you have been looking for work for a long time, not agreeing to the options in which there were some "pitfalls". And your selectivity justified itself: you were offered a worthy position, which, moreover, was more than generously paid. Beyond yourselves with joy, you shared good news with several friends. But they did not like your career growth. And within a few days, among your acquaintances, there were rumors that such a salary was waiting for three years that you received this place for some unknown merit and that you would not be able to do it. Has reached that, having met your relatives, gomushki were interested as you there, still work? What do you think, how will this attack end? In a couple of months, your post may well be cut. Of course, one can say that the crisis is all to blame, but for some reason it seems that the words of others, moreover, pronounced with enviable regularity, will also do their part. There is gossip and one more minus. In the opinion of psychologists, quite often a person discusses precisely the lack of another with which it is difficult for him to reconcile himself.
This is such a kind of psychological defense, which, in turn, plays a cruel joke with the gossip. After pausing and thus lulling the inner voice for the time, saying "You are imperfect!", The person misses the most important: his complex, the problem has not gone away, because he did not work on him, so he does not work.
Do not get carried away! As you can see, rumors and gossip have both pluses (who would have thought?), As well as cons. So is it good to discuss someone or not? If it's about your relatives or friends, always follow the rule: "I discuss only good news. If I can not say anything good, I'd better not say anything. " A "discharge" can, say, discussing with friends, what a strange dress Julia Roberts put on the ceremony of "Oscar" or whether Zhanna Friske will marry. But what if you still feel that you are discussing something sharp, but not too positive about someone from the people you want?
Psychologists for this case give some advice. Analyze your own emotions. Just be honest with yourself. Try to understand what makes you want to potter. What do you feel about the person you want to discuss? A pity? Anger? Envy? It is possible that a good reflection, you will understand: the essence of the problem is not in the object of gossip, but in yourself. Think about what is fraught with gossip for this particular person. How will affect your life, at first glance, innocuous words. After all, without wanting it, you can do much harm. And if "Thanks" will you have a rumor that will spoil a person's business reputation or adversely affect your personal life? It is unlikely that you want to bear such a responsibility. It happens that we gossip simply because there is nothing to do, for the sake of the word red. With us nothing happens, but the life of other people is just boiling. Fill events with your own life: find a new hobby, register in the pool, go to the driving courses. You can be sure that the time for "Do you know what awful gift your husband presented to Angela?" Will not remain at all.