The whole pregnancy your mother took care of you, cared for, brought all the most delicious and useful, fed her son-in-law while you were at the hospital, etc. But after giving birth, you began to get annoyed by her petty care and interference in absolutely everything. It seems to you that she does not understand your nervous state after giving birth, but does not share your current views on the care and development of the child! And my mother, in turn, takes offense at the fact that you, in her opinion, do everything wrong, you are capricious and think only of yourself. You are both nervous, and the situation in the house is tense. Each grandmother and mother when caring for the baby and then try to come up with something new for proper education. Disagreements between you are not the best way to affect the baby. Let's try to figure out what the reason is. How to save the world?
We can do without depression!
Fatigue, a constant desire to cry, a painful sense of guilt over the baby because you do not know how to take care of him right now - these symptoms indicate postpartum depression. And the most difficult part is to convey to your loved ones that your feelings are not dictated by whims, but by a special psychosomatic condition caused by hormonal changes in the body. Bear in mind that your anxious state has a negative effect on lactation.
Try to explain it calmly to your grandmother . Show her publications in magazines or together visit a psychologist who will help you overcome a depressed state.
As a rule, grandmothers consider themselves unsurpassed experts in all matters related to the care and upbringing of the baby, as well as housekeeping. Their experience can not be denied, because they raised their own children and did it quite successfully! But sometimes it turns out that even with the advent of grandchildren, my mother continues to treat you like a fool and constantly criticizes your actions. You have to hear from her: "You will ruin the baby!" And your opinion with your husband on this or that issue of caring for the baby is simply not taken into account. To ensure that such conflicts do not drag out and do not pour into family problems, try to immediately clearly distinguish between zones of influence. Explain to the grandmother that her really necessary help will not replace the baby mom and dad, even if they are inexperienced and awkward like you and your husband!
The responsibility for the baby lies entirely on the shoulders of the parents, and therefore you choose the methods of upbringing and care! Explain to the grandmother that some of her knowledge could have become obsolete in twenty years and it's time to reconsider them.
We bring up and re-educate
It's sad, but sometimes even the most progressive grandmothers can not step over their beliefs. For example, it is forbidden to pour out water after an evening bath or insist on feeding the baby strictly by the hour. Silence, suffering and resentment is not worth it: try to calmly talk with your grandmother. Psychologists recommend us all kinds of ways to change the undesirable behavior of people around us. First of all, try to understand what drives the grandmother. Usually these are the best intentions: she sincerely wishes you well, and she desperately needs your recognition, care and respect. At retirement age for many, the only way to get it all is to help in caring for your beloved grandchildren. How to be in this situation? The answer is simple: often show your love and gratitude towards your mother or mother-in-law, warm it with your warmth so that she always feels herself necessary and beloved.
Do not blame the older generation for their excessive attention, because of the mistakes no one is immune. Psychologists believe that parents tend to exaggerate the influence of grandparents and at the same time ignore their educational failures. In actual fact, maternal inconsistency, nervousness, eternal "employment" and paternal "pedagogical raids" hurt the child's psyche much more seriously than grandmother's "pampering" and "permissiveness". The art of being a real grandmother is precisely that both parents and the child have an opinion that it is the father and mother who are the most important educators.
Feeling your love , the grandmother will gradually listen to your opinion. And then even the most acute disagreements on caring for the baby will disappear in time!
A modern mother very rarely sits for a long time in a decree, often she is forced to go to work. And in this case, of course, the best child care assistant is a grandmother. After all, who, if not your own grandmother, will gently and gently take care of your baby! However, quite often on this soil there is a feeling of jealousy. A young mother feels that her grandmother will be more skilful and experienced in caring for her baby, she will see the first steps of the baby first, and in the long run will replace it in the heart of a crumb.
Coping with this feeling is not so easy . But remember that it is you who are the mother, and no one else is able to replace you. Your treasure will still look forward to you from work, to touch, to embrace, to smell your native smell.
The birth of a child changes life values and priorities. And for many once successful business women, the family is in the first place. Do not blame yourself for the separation from the crumb, if you are forced to go to work. The child will not love you less if you spend with him not 24 hours a day, but only 6. Believe me, love is measured not by hours, but by the depth of feelings and relationships. Remember that the main thing is not quantity, but quality!