First, of course, we need to find out the reason for the quarrels in the family.
Conflicts between spouses arise because of the difference in their views on various aspects of life, whether it is raising children and managing the family budget or a list of food. A common cause is also a lack of understanding, which is why it is so difficult to meet a couple who can confidently state: "We understand each other from a half-word." According to scientists, often the reason for quarrels are the inconsistency of "biological clocks" of spouses. Larks and owls find it difficult to get along, because someone is annoyed by the computer monitor's light, cutting eyes, in the middle of the night, someone raves with the noise of household appliances in the early morning. But whatever the conflict was, it is solved simply - by means of compromises and constructive solutions of problems arising in the family. Most importantly - observe a few simple rules . Namely:
- In no case can you yield to the desire to prove something or show your selfishness and stupid childish stubbornness.
- Do not go over to high tones and do not give binge to emotions.
- You can not involve strangers - relatives, friends - in a quarrel - this is a problem between the two, and asking for help from relatives, you only risk ruining their relationship.
- Also, one can not find out the relationship in front of children, so that they do not develop an incorrect model of behavior with their relatives, and this is fraught with emotional trauma.
- Do not remember the old grievances and think of non-existent problems, so you just pour oil on the fire, and your point of view will not be more reasoned.
- It will be best to just sit down and talk with your partner, discuss what in your opinion is the cause of the situation and try to solve it by common forces.
- Sometimes it is worth giving the right of the first word to someone who considers himself offended.
- And never, remember, never lose a sense of humor, sarcasm and wit have not stopped anyone yet.
If you can not solve the conflict on your own, you can turn to a family psychologist. A specialist will never defend one of the parties, as close friends and relatives usually do, and will be able to give some valuable advice. Not surprisingly, their services are very popular these days and are in demand both in the west and in Russia. In the event that you think psychoanalysts are a waste of money and time, but you can not solve the problem yourself, you can call the helpline hotline.
"And what if all conflicts in the family arise because of the child, what to do if he is their initiator?" - you ask. It's simple: if a child starts to conflict, you must first pay attention to yourself, pay attention to what you did wrong. You can not keep a child for a "lower being". You need to show him the same respect that you require to yourself. Think about it, would you ever say to your friend what you say to your children every day, for example, "Close the door, then you do not pass through the yard," or "If you do not eat everything, you will not leave the table"? Of course not. Would you discuss one of your friends in their presence? Again, no. Children are the same people as we are with you, but they are more defenseless and vulnerable. Plus, do not forget that it is in childhood that the psyche is traumatized the most, there is self-doubt and complexes, a model of behavior with other people is being built, so the child needs to be treated as a full-fledged unit of society, and his opinion should be considered. So, if at a child's age on a man all the time parents were broken, then he will also break down on his children.
In the event that the child simply ignores the requests and demands of the parents and the parents in general, the most important thing is not to break down, do not shout at the child, thereby showing your indignation, and repeat your request, do it politely and gently, speak in a low voice. Ask the child what the parent deserved such disrespect, then, most likely, the son or daughter themselves will tell what, why, why and how. After listening to the child, try to solve the problem as well as in the conflict with the spouse - through concessions and compromises, and then, you can be sure, the positive result will not take long.
I dare say that any conflict also has not only negative aspects. Because of quarrels, we are forced to reckon with the opponent's opinion. And is this not a guarantee of a happy and harmonious family life? We hope that now you will solve the problem of misunderstanding without much effort, because you know how to solve the family conflict better!