Psychologists believe that the time when the crisis appears in relationships, depends on the stage of development of the family itself, from family needs. Each individual family has these crises at different times: someone may have a turning point and a couple of weeks after the honeymoon, and someone only after a couple of decades of a happy family idyll. The success of experiencing these periods almost always depends on the desire of both partners to find compromises, to accept, not to alter each other.
The First Crisis
It occurs when we change our first idea of a partner - this is a kind of transition from the romantic ideal vision of a loved one to a more realistic, real and voluminous. At this moment, people realize that married life is not only every night walks, romantic encounters and kisses under the moon, but also joint, sometimes uneasy, everyday life. Not only consent in everything, but also the need for concessions. At this time, it is important to understand that it is often necessary to change your habits in order to maintain a good relationship and a favorable environment in the family.
The Second Crisis
It begins when there is a need to individualize ourselves from the feeling of "we", to liberate a part of our personality for our own development. It is very important here that the "I" of one does not come into conflict with the "I" of the other, but is united on the principle of complementarity. This means that in communication it is necessary to use the strategy of cooperation, which is to find an alternative: how not to lose one's self and not to infringe upon the other's self. For example, if the position of one in this period is "we have everything in common, we all should do together", it is useful to revise it in the direction of the alternative: "I respect the independence of the other and I recognize for him the right to my personal life, which does not close on one family ".
The Third Crisis
It manifests itself when a person wants to know the world around him, but at the same time he is firmly attached to his family, and this feeling of conflict often leads to gaps in the family. It is very important not to miss the time when the spouse's sense of freedom can develop into a feeling of complete independence and even renunciation from the family, while the second partner will obey the will and desires of the first. Then the emphasis shifts to the outside world, and the family, instead of serving as a catalyst for development, suddenly becomes a burden and becomes an unbearable burden.
The Fourth Crisis
It occurs when a person changes internal spiritual orientations, that is, his spouse begins to give preferences not to the material side of life, but spiritual. It occurs usually when children have become adults and they do not need the constant care of parents, children themselves want to grow and develop as individuals. The family of spouses is usually well-off, the husband and wife have certain professional achievements behind them. During this period, you may have false thoughts: "Since we were united only by common children, it is necessary at all costs to try to keep them near themselves, not to let them go on their own", or "grown children constantly remind me of the fact that my life is drawing to a close, it becomes meaningless and empty, "or" we have already outlived our own, now we need to let our children live, and we can give up on ourselves. " These paradoxical sensations create sadness and melancholy instead of joy and happiness from the fact that you can feel freedom again, do not focus only on children and do yourself and your favorite deeds.
The ideal way of passing such a crisis: the emergence of the need for change, the desire to live this life for yourself, to enjoy and develop as a person. Joint journeys, meetings with friends and visits to the theater begin again. Those who survive this crisis without loss, feel the rise of energy, the increase in vital energy and a new desire to love and be loved, the interest to life, the desire for unity with people of the whole world and with their spouse wakes up.
The Fifth Crisis
He can be accompanied by the most complex thoughts: "My life is rapidly approaching the sunset, its end and end, and therefore the rest must be lived in anticipation and preparation for death." Some spouses are fixated on their experiences, they want the people around to feel sorry for them and provide maximum care. But it always depends directly on the person himself what his life seems to him. Empty and useless or filled with joys and bright events for yourself and benefit to other people. When a person reaches a certain age, his feelings reach maturity, become thinner and more sensitive, he can experience those joys of life that he simply did not notice because of his youth and maximalism.
Ideally, in this family, during this period, again comes the time of romantic relationships, but not insane and foolish as in youth, but with knowledge of weaknesses and shortcomings, the ability and desire to accept your spouse entirely. The value of the partner increases, the meaning of the concept "we" increases and a feeling arises: "Another is more valuable to me than I am." At the same time, the belief in one's own strength and interest in life is reinforced, a return to the formerly beloved interests occurs, or new hobbies arise.