Life from a new page.
In our time, such a concept as a single mother is considered very common. As a rule, it is very rare, after the divorce the child remains with the father. And in general, often after a break in relations, men simply "tear with their past" and, strange as it is, stopping the relationship with his wife, a man can forget about his child, who has already managed to grow up. The reasons for such parting are a lot, and the result, as always, is one - a woman alone brings up a child, trying to be for him and mother, and dad, and best friend. But one day she meets another man. This man is willing to be with her and educate her child as her own son. But at this very moment, a significant number of women are faced with the problem of how to be a son, if the mother has another man and how to adapt the baby to a new member of the family, namely a man who tries to try on the role of a new father. Torturing myself with this issue, many mothers are even ready to give up their happiness and be alone for the sake of the calmness of their child. But there are also such ladies who, despite the discontent of the child, are trying, in what would not have happened, to arrange their personal life. But, unfortunately, this brings a huge number of problems and conflicts to the family. Of course, giving in this situation universal advice to the son, mother and stepfather is impossible. But try to answer the questions that the family faces in which a new man has appeared, we will try.
Are you an "uncle" or "dad"?
This question, paradoxically, is the most exciting for the boy. Of course, a son can call a man by name, but in our culture it is common to call his stepfather "daddy", this way, shows his respect for him and recognizes his role in the family. But, do not say, but in such a situation the child is best to determine for himself how it is better to call his stepfather. That's why you do not have to press your mother on your son, besides, a boy will understand a man much better than a woman, even if she is his mother. Only after understanding for himself the importance of this person, the son will be able to call him "daddy". By the way, if a child is forced to call another man a father, terrible confusion may occur in his head. After all, if this man is his dad, then who is that man whom he used to call this word. Plus, everything needs to be loved by the father, as well as the mother. And this means that if my mother found another dad, "old father" should already fall out of love? And maybe two fathers need to love the same way? All these questions torment the child and do not allow him to decide. That's why only time and patience can cause the boy's trust and affection for his stepfather, and it's not worth not to hurry with this not to the mother.
With what it is necessary to begin?
It is always worth remembering that it is necessary to form a relationship with the stepfather before he begins to live with his mother under one roof. This preparatory stage can easily help the child to get used to the new man in the life of his mother and feel the security of this neighborhood. To do this, the son should see this man as often as possible, communicate with him, and try to find a common interest. But do not try on the first day to seek out common interests, because you can only know a person with time. And the mother herself does not need to push her son to communicate with her friend. Everything should happen at ease and in a friendly atmosphere. We need to let them just stay close. By the way, constant events and all that with them are bound to help to rally the friendship. At this stage, 10 minutes are enough for the child to be alone with the future stepfather.
Compromises.
The first months of life, after a new father appeared in the family, are considered the most difficult, both for the newly-made pope and for his son. After all, the man is accustomed not only to the child, but also the woman herself. But, despite this, it is necessary to give attention not only to the man, but also to the son in equal quantity, so that the child does not have a feeling of jealousy. It is also important that the child can feel that he is loved and appreciated, not looking at anything, and not only with his own mother, but also with a companion whom she not so long ago found. It is worth noting and the fact that children are getting used to the "new father" much faster than children under the age of 3 years, regardless of the sex of the child. Younger schoolchildren and adolescents also quite quickly adapt to changes in the composition of the family - they already have their own little life experience and understanding of how relationships are built between people. But in the latter case, the stepfather should not just cause the child to have sympathy and respect, but also to interest him. Of course, the great advantage is that it is much easier to win the trust of a stepson than stepdaughters. It is most difficult with boys aged 10 years. It is at this age that children undergo a specific phase of development with a sense of ownership. The boy can enter into conflict because of the struggle for the attention of his mother. Therefore, having learned that the mother has found another man, the boy can panic and close in himself. In such a situation, it is necessary to prove to the child his wrongfulness and to do it in a very accessible and conflict-free form. By the way, stepfather in this case, it is not necessary to show your authoritative position, correct actions and words - this is what will help to establish contact with the child.
A few tips that will clarify how to be a son in this situation:
1. A child needs to understand that a friendly relationship with his stepfather does not give any love to your absent and father.
2. The son must understand that for the mother as well as for him a friend is needed who can communicate with her on an equal footing. And this friend she found in the face of another man (stepfather).
3. Do not rush events. It is necessary to find positive features in the new father, and not negative ones. After all, in everyone there is something good the main thing is to consider it.
4. All problems must be solved through negotiations, and not be angry with his stepfather because of his new rules.
5. Last, the stepfather is just as difficult as the child himself, so the son must understand this and not be obstinate. Harmony does not immediately come. To do this, you just need to make joint desires and efforts. Only in this case there will be peace and mutual understanding in the family!