We are all persecuted with the thought that love is the only thing that can matter. But how to distinguish love from attachment?
One popular author describes that almost all people think of romantic love in approximately this way: "Love is an incomprehensible obsession that comes from nowhere and then completely covers you like measles." You will recognize it intuitively. If this feeling is present, you will be just to discern and do not need to guess for a long time.You will see it, without any doubt.The love is so important that you have to give it up for everything.It is believed that it is forgivable for a man to abandon a legitimate wife for the sake of love, th and the house to the king - his throne She always comes suddenly, and you can not do anything about it just is not subject to man "...
However, this is not true love! True love is not like that. Attachment really does appear suddenly, and you can not do anything about it. However, true love is an unselfish and faithful love. She's holding on to this. You might wonder why you need to know the difference between love and affection. The reason is this: knowing the differences will save you from committing a possible error. Annually millions pairs with burning eyes go to the registry offices and solemnly swear to love each other for the rest of their lives. For most of them, marriage really becomes a welcome acquisition. For the rest, he simply tolerated. However, for half of such pairs, marriage turns into a real misfortune. After a while they slowly begin to understand that they absolutely can not bear each other.
What's the matter then? The difference is that some couples decide to build their marriage on true love, and others - only on attachment, which is inherently a false love.
Can you tell love from affection?
During the "gold rush", some prospectors believed that they "attacked the vein." However, later, to their great disappointment, they learned that their acquisition was not true gold, but a simple mineral called pyrite. Externally, pyrite is very similar to gold, but it has absolutely no value. It is sometimes called "gold of fools".
It has already been said that it is quite difficult to see the difference between true love and affection. However, now you will learn the ten main criteria that will help you to determine precisely: your feeling is real gold of true love or "gold for fools". Before we look at these important questions, we need to know the following:
1. The order of these "keys" is absolutely irrelevant. Any of them has the same meaning, with all the others.
2. These criteria can not be taken selectively. You have to take 10 into account.
Key 1: What exactly attracts you?
Affection: If you are passionate, most likely, you are more interested in the physical data of the partner. The figure and beautiful face are understandable, very attractive signs, but do not forget that appearance is deceptive. It is like a wrapping paper, in which a gift was wrapped. It is difficult to judge by it what is inside the box.
Love: When your love is real, you are interested in the personality of your partner as a whole. Of course, in your feelings will necessarily be present and physiological attraction, but only along with many other qualities.
Key 2: How many different qualities do you like in a person?
Attachment: As a rule, the number of these qualities is insignificant, however they can strongly influence you. A guy, for example, can simply go crazy with the usual smile or gait of his girlfriend.
Love: If you love true, then all or most of the features in the other person attract you. Each of us has many characteristics, opinions and judgments. How many qualities can you notice in another, and how many of them seem attractive to you? This is very important, because when the first enthusiasm is over, you will need to have many common interests.
Key 3: Do you remember the beginning of all this?
Attachment: Attachment appears quickly. Just can not be true love only at first sight, but at first sight affection can break out.
Love: True love always shows itself slowly. It can not be in any other way. You have to know a person before you can really love him, therefore, this takes time, a lot of time. Otherwise, it's impossible to really know anyone.
Key 4: Is your interest constant?
Attachment: If you are tied, your interest then goes out, then flashes again. One of the main reasons is that attachment appears too quickly, and therefore its roots are not deep. In general, your relationship is rather superficial.
Love: If you really love, your feelings will be more gentle and warm, than they will fluctuate from cold indifference to passionate passion. They will become more permanent. True love ripens slowly, but its roots are deep.
Key 5: Does this feeling have a big impact on you?
Attachment: Usually, attachment has disorganizing effects on your life. Romantic feelings are completely taken by you, and you go completely immersed in dreams. You, probably, throw all your affairs. Simply, you are not your own, so you become irrelevant, neglect your duties.
Love: When your love is true, then most of your best qualities are manifested. You try to do as much as possible and as well as possible. Your love inspires you. You are winged. Your creative energy manifests itself most.
Key 6: During a relationship, how do you feel about others?
Attachment: If you are attached, for you the whole world revolves around only one person, other people seem absolutely unimportant for you. Your feeling becomes the key in life. Only it now matters to you.
Love: If you truly love, your beloved is the most important person in the world for you. However, at the same time, relations with friends and relatives do not lose their significance, but, on the contrary, acquire a different meaning and other "shades".
Key 7: Does parting affect you?
Affection: The best test for feeling is testing by distance. When you are just tied, the distance and time will kill your feelings. One day another person who is nearby, will replace to you the liked person who has remained only on a photo.
Love: If you love, then in the absence of a loved one, only your feelings become more acute. During separation you are as if deprived of your part. Another, even the most seductive person, can not replace your loved one.
Key 8: Do you often swear?
Attachment: If you are tied, then you swear. You, of course, quickly make peace, but soon there is a new quarrel. You are made to look like porcupines in the cold. If they are apart, they are both shaking from the cold, but they have to cuddle up to each other, they are pricking each other with needles. Probably you are arguing because you simply do not have anything to talk about. Strife, tears and "romantic" reconciliation only save you from despondency.
Love: If you really love, there may be disagreements, but love can experience them, quarrels become less serious and frequent. Both of you will gradually learn to give in to each other, in order to stay together, you will learn to understand and accept one another as you are.
Key 9: What do you see as a relationship?
Attachment: If you are attached, you tend to think of yourself and your partner as two people, and therefore you use in your speech and your thoughts the words: "I", "mine," "me," "it," "it ". You tend to think of you as two separate individuals.
Love: If you really love, you usually say: "we", "us", "our". You think you are one.
Key 10: Are you unselfish or selfish?
Affection: A man can meet with a beautiful woman, only because it, perhaps, flatter his own self-esteem, will raise his prestige. She, quite possibly, capricious and spoiled, but since she is the "queen" of the office, he is very pleased to be with her side. Similarly, a woman can hold a guy on a leash, not because she is really interested in him, but because her partner's devotion raises her price in the eyes of the others. You are more worried about yourself, thinking about "will he make me happy?". You, most likely, worry about whether you can get something from this relationship.
Love: If you really love, then it's even hard for you to imagine that such thoughts will ever come to your mind. You always try to do everything possible to bring joy to another. You, mostly, are interested in what you can give, not accept.
Rationally assess your emotions.
After reading these ten main tips, you may have already come to some opinion with respect to your feelings. But do not hurry. You need to check more carefully, because this is a very serious matter.
Almost in all cases, the test of feelings based on these ten criteria expresses a mixture of love and hobbies. Therefore, I suggest that you evaluate each individual key on a ten-point scale: 0- means attachment, and 10 - true love.
Carefully learn the keys from the first and give an assessment of your own emotions for each of them. No need to hurry!
For example, considering Key Ten, you can decide for yourself: "To be completely honest, I was primarily interested in physical attractiveness, because I will give myself here two points." So, for the work!
Let's check the results.
If you appreciated your relationship on these items, then fold your points. And we will carefully look at what happened.
80 points and above. This result shows that the feelings are reliable enough. But this does not mean that there will be a wedding tomorrow. It's no secret that love must be mutual. It is essential not only how much you love a person, but he is also obliged to experience the same reciprocal feelings. Therefore, he also needs to pass this test.
From 50-80 points. You need some time to carefully look at how the relationship will develop. Be filled with more patience.
Less than 50 points. You need to think very seriously about your relationship. Probably, you are just passionate. In this state, you can make a lot of mistakes or lose everything. Do not panic and do not rush. Be brave and make the right decision.
Do not rush.
Do not forget that time is your best friend in solving the issue: your feeling of affection, or this is real love. Therefore, do not rush, let time pass, a sufficient amount of time before you make one of the most important decisions in your life.