It happens very early, when the child "plays" hormones and begins puberty. He is interested in certain types of books, watch certain films, becomes excited love and he has the hope that he will grow up and he will necessarily have a big, beautiful love - there is an ideal of love. And how to learn not to be afraid of love.
When the ideal of love appears, a peak appears that will never be reached, because all the hopes of this child are connected with love. Sometimes this love becomes a real curse - now the curse of the child is ideal. He does it subconsciously, while not understanding it himself.
The ideal exceeds universal norms, it is molded from certain images, from certain books, from certain poetry, from certain films. The child begins to choose how this woman or this man will be - what size, what beauty, how it will smell, how to dress, and so on.
Almost all anxious-hypochondriacs do this. Up to seven years they are already developed, their sex begins to worry about 12-14 years, and up to 14 years they already form a common image of the future lover. This is a completely collective image, but it remains at the subconscious level in the form of an ideal. From this moment the child defends himself, closes and the brighter he creates the ideal, the more doomed he becomes to dislike.
Why is all this done? Thanks to this ideal, children protect themselves from life. They have already lost their simple-mindedness, their chastity, their purity, and this is the method of closing themselves, so that they will never risk any more so as not to introduce into their lives another person who is not perfect. He is afraid to love.
Now the child is absolutely protected from others. She, for example, says: "I do not like this boy," she warns the others that she likes only a certain type of young people, the boy also warns that he likes a certain type of girls, but in fact they are afraid, they are afraid to love .
The child begins to show himself, to demonstrate his indifference to others. Because he still has time to wait, and the tension that is associated with the expectation of love grows. At this time, the child as it were, scans how others treat it. He is completely dependent. And he begins to observe how other children, especially if they are beautiful girls or boys, are treated. This creates an anxiety-hypothetical syndrome, he is afraid to love. He shows indifference and disdain, he does not let anyone in, but he dreams and dreams of love.
Because of this closeness, the child everywhere begins to see indifference to himself. Now the world reflects it in a certain way. From the intolerable nature of his heartache, he now "breathes poison," breathes more indifference, he does not show himself, he does not form fully as needed, he does not grow up and begins to close even more when he learns this pain. Now he himself does not believe that love will ever happen, he is afraid to love.
And, finally, this love comes to him, at a certain age, another boy comes in saying: "I love you!". However, he can not already open, he would be happy, he was waiting, let him not be ideal, he dreamed, he wanted, he looked in all eyes. However, now, when they approached him, he no longer knows what to do. He has no rationality, he has no options for what to do. He is now afraid of the pain he felt inside himself.
So the option is this: or he categorically refuses to relate, while fearing that he will be abandoned, or he starts simply to attack another, it is difficult for him to learn how to love. If she does not like the boy, she begins to show disdain, her indifference, to demonstrate that she is not interested in him, while simultaneously suffering, clinging, not knowing how to act, not having any opportunity to fully open up before another.
These children find themselves in an inner tragedy, they do not know how they are not afraid to love. A man without love can not live, he is obliged to receive experience from love. And it turns out that someone appears, but does not allow the ideal, everywhere is hidden disappointment. Such a person inside of him is sour.
He thinks that there are traps everywhere, everywhere there are only closed doors for him. Love comes, and he can not get enough, or get warm, for the reason that it does not meet his ideal, which he came up with in his subconscious.
He will not be able to reveal himself, because he knows the anguish of pain, and how everyone was indifferent to him. It all goes only to a skew: it is either revealing, or hidden. That is everywhere extreme degrees. Nowhere will such a child-child be happy. That's how a person lives.
So it's better not to play with your psyche. Children need to be trained so that they do not have such collective roles that they learn not to be afraid to love. Because mind is a virtual world. And if someone goes there, brings something, then it lives there. And they bring everything, and always, without any understanding.
Everything is done so that from the very beginning the child's mind was zapichkan. And in the end, these children, and then adults, can not live life fully. All their lives they will want love, need it and avoid it. For the reason that they are very afraid of exposure, they will never be warmed.