Children are born with their unique character, habits and habits, temperament. It's silly to expect from a plump girl that she will become a ballerina, and from the one that does not have an absolute hearing - that she will repeat the success of Vanessa May.
But some parents for the rest of their lives remember their unfulfilled hopes for their children. And then the children, tired of fighting for the right to be themselves, ask themselves: how to make it so that parents understand that you grew up? How to help them accept themselves - the way you are?
Children ... How much in this word is sweet for parents! Their hopes and aspirations, their dreams and everything they did not have time to do in this world - all this must be realized by the children. But should it?
Right to error
Children for a long time give parents characteristics that are more suitable for the gods. And these "local gods" children believe in one hundred percent. Dad is the strongest. Mom is the most beautiful. Up to five years the child's world is based precisely on these postulates.
But this process - the allotment of divine qualities - is mutual. In the eyes of parents, children are the embodiment of hope. Hard, exhausting work without days off - the process of education and just the cultivation of the younger generation - I would like to be justified in advance by some enchanting result.
And so, the children are growing, perhaps even pleased parents with various commendable certificates "for participation" and medals "for achievement." But the time comes when children enter adulthood.
Usually the first test, which falls on the child's share, is graduation and entrance exams. Many people go to them, as if to execution, thinking about how to make sure that parents understand that you grew up. And instead of proof they get either a bun (well done, surrendered!), Or another cuff (confused, did not pass, you do not shine a decent college!)
And the thing is that parents have to rely on their children for the first time. After all, if you insure a three-year old boot, which confidently stomps on the path, it does not cost anything, then you will not be able to pass the exam for your child. So it turns out that parents have dual feelings. On the one hand, their daughter has already grown up, as she does things for which she is not simply responsible - neither her mother nor her father can do it for her. And on the other - he continues to live with his parents ...
Life with parents
Age-old children often stay close to their parents. And at the same time they think how to make it so that parents understand that you grew up. As if marriage or marriage, the birth of children or a new scientific title can be done so that parents understand that you grew up. In fact, for our parents we are always children ...
Living with parents is not easy. And in all living nature there are confirmations that over time parents become cruel and unfair. After all, it's not for nothing that lazy chicks are pushed out of the nest, so that they learn to fly.
Among people, too, it often happens that living with parents every year is more difficult. Parents often do not realize this, but the fact remains. Departing "from the parent's nest" in search of "his own happiness," or rather - his own life, we become stronger and wiser. Without our own experience, we can not give anything to our children
We are children. As long as the parents are alive
Very often the life of parents in old age, when they can cause a lot of trouble, is compared to finding on a cliff. And on the edge of this rock, the first to the abyss are the parents. And children, while they still have a generation "on the edge", feel more confident and more secure.
Therefore, no matter how young people think how to make their parents understand that you have grown up, this medal has a downside. Therefore, our whole life, even having proved our belonging to the older generation, we remain children.
At one time I was struck by my own uncle. His son often asked for pocket money, despite the fact that he met and lived with a woman, worked as a welder and moonlighted as a night watchman. When my uncle tried to make "suggestion" - they say, "do not you see that your son, in fact, has already grown?" - Uncle answered all very wisely.
He said that until now, when he comes to his mother, he feels like a child. Precisely because to his arrival a few favorite from the very childhood of dishes are prepared, and when he leaves, his mother tries to "hand" at least a small amount. So he feels that there is one more safe and secure place on earth. Realizing that this is an illusion, however, a forty-year-old man comes to his mother to rest from constant responsibility and "adult life".
How not to do
There are several non-guaranteed ways how to let parents know that we have already grown. That is, even the most psychologically adjusted approaches often give failures and "misfires." And yet there are many ways, how NOT to show (and even more so - to prove!) Parents that you are already an adult woman:
- to marry only to "prove to my mother"
- give birth to a child
- go to another city
- To establish separate shelves in the refrigerator in one house with parents.
All this can only exacerbate the conflict, and in some cases - damage the most provocative. Of course, and give birth, and get married, and even more so - you can move to another city. But still it is necessary to do this, having good reasons and a serious basis - knowing why you are doing this and what profits it will bring.
Be yourself, but do not prove the right to it
You can easily and simply prove your independence - giving up the desire to prove and fight. Your opinion is a priority, and the point. It's up to you to take responsibility for your actions. And if the parents "press" - they say, it's time to marry, or Ivan Ivanych has such a prestigious vacancy - give up your impecunious work! - you will have to say "no" in time. Without explanations and entreaties - otherwise you also return to your 15 years and sighs of parents "Well, the age of transition!"
In general, the fact that you can support yourself is not a proof of independence and maturity for parents. If their opinion is important to you, but not paramount, if you respect their position, but it does not prevent you from observing your own first - well, I can congratulate you. This, even without conflict, you almost explained to your parents that you have grown up.