The birth of a younger brother or sister is always a certain stress for the now older child. Therefore, many parents are interested in how to prepare an older child for the birth of a younger child. Parents are able to help the two native people to accept and love each other!
FROM the birth of the second baby, the firstborn finally and irrevocably changes the role of the single to the role of the elder. How many years there was no older child, it will take time for him to learn to live by the new rules. And most importantly - to believe that with the advent of another baby, parental love is not divided in two, but only multiplies.
Parents had to overcome in practice many of the difficulties that seemed unsolvable with the advent of the firstborn. In addition to the tasks already familiar to young mothers and dads, this time one more will be added: to create a zone of trust and comfort between the elder and the youngest child. Psychologists are advised to tell the child about the upcoming replenishment of the family as early as possible. It is not necessary to go into unnecessary physiological painting, but fairy tales about the stork are not suitable even for one-year-old crumbs. Tell the truth - in a form that is accessible to the child, to prepare him for the birth of the younger in advance.
Even if the parents decide for some reason to keep the pregnancy secret for the time being, the child will intuitively feel that something important is happening in the family. Not understanding what's wrong, a crumb can experience anxiety, tension. Finally, he may feel unworthy of the confidence of his parents. Therefore, it is better to tell the baby that the mother in the tummy has a small brother or sister. Explain that now it is very tiny - no more beans. But every day it grows, and its "house" becomes larger. If you do not know where to begin, look at the information in the encyclopaedias for the sexual education of the child.
Psychologists' advice:
- Tune in to the positive! The older child is more or less jealous of parents for the youngest - this reaction is typical for most children. But there are exceptions! Therefore, do not pre-adjust to the negative manifestations of the first-born: they may not be. Act on the situation. Statements such as "After the birth of a baby, we with the Pope will not love you less" it is better to replace the more positive ones: "When a baby is born, we will order the most delicious cakes!". Or: "Our grandmother will come to visit us for a month and tell you all your favorite tales!"
- Adjustments in lifestyle are inevitable. All important changes in the usual way - for example, the emergence of a new nanny, entry in kindergarten, school - preferably done no later than a month and a half before delivery. First, two stresses (the appearance of a newborn in the house and adaptation to a kindergarten) will be divorced in time. So, the child will outlive them more easily. Secondly, if you give the first child to the kindergarten right after the birth of the second baby, he may have a feeling that in this way the parents want to get rid of him.
- For children, teddy bears and trains are not just toys, they are real friends! Use this feature to increase the sense of importance in the baby. When going to the hospital, explain to the child why you need it, tell me how long your separation will last. Let him put his favorite toy in your bag - a piece of his love will be your support! Start a "gift bag" at home - from time to time, put some nice trifle for the elder (car, pupa, candy). Only agree that in a bag of gifts you can look no more than, say, every three days.
Problems and solutions of the first days and weeks
Caring for a newborn takes a lot of time and energy. Do not try to have time to remake all affairs at any cost. It's better to take a deep breath, relax and share with your children your love! Clever developing games are dusting in the far corner, and the request of the older child to tell another story before going to bed seems like a cruel mockery? Here, at least to have time to shove a few spoons of porridge into the first-born, and run to the shower between feeding and taking care of the newborn! Stop! In your desire to do everything in the best way, do not forget about the main thing: love does not require any special time. It can be shown literally every minute. Are you breastfeeding? Tell at this time a fairy tale to the older child. No time to sculpt together from plasticine? Buy ready-made dough - and while you do some homework, let the elder cut out the figurines from the dough or mold the pretzels. Put them on a baking sheet, sprinkle with cinnamon and bake - it's 20 minutes. And the evening meal is ready! Such joint pastimes will help the older child to get used to and love the younger one.
Psychologists' advice:
- If this is possible, let the older child see you and the newborn in the hospital (or come to the discharge). Of course, now your attention is completely absorbed by the baby, but we must not forget about the experiences of the first-born. Imagine how happy he will be if you and your husband prepare a gift for him in honor of the fact that now he is the eldest! And how nice it will be to him to see that you put his photograph or drawing on the bedside table in the hospital! Show him a younger brother or sister, letting me touch the handles and tiny heels. At the same time, explain that as long as the baby can only eat, cry and croak - but after a while a lot of interesting things will add to this list. Be ready and to the fact that the first-born can not share the parental delight over the wrinkled peeking lump. The kid ran out of the room in tears, refused to get acquainted with the newborn, perhaps even showed aggression towards you or a crumb. Do not abuse the child and do not get upset yourself - give him the opportunity to live these uneasy feelings: the only way he can cope with them. Believe me, it will be a very short time, and your children will not have any more water!
- In the first, most difficult days after discharge from the hospital, it seems that the elder is doing just that, which prevents: he turns under his feet, he is capricious. But no matter how great the temptation to give it to a couple of weeks for a "visit" to your grandmother, try not to do it. It does not matter, if you do not once again indulge the elder with raznosolami or forget to prepare him a clean pajamas. But the child will not feel rejected and unnecessary. And if the grandmother wants to help, invite her to your home.
- After the birth of a younger brother or sister, older children often demonstrate the so-called regressive behavior. Suddenly they begin to crawl on all fours, "do" in panties, refuse to eat with a spoon and reach for a baby bottle. They imitate the little one to "deserve" parental love. Take it easy. Do not encourage these games, but do not insist that the child behave according to his age. And soon everything will return to normal.
- Naturally, with the advent of an infant in a child's life in the life of an older child, there are some limitations. However, try to present them so that the firstborn does not have a feeling that from now on he has to indulge in all the whims of the crumbs. For example, instead of brushing aside the child, offer the elder to help you. Let him water the crumb from a small spade, give a clean towel, spread the baby cream (tactile contact).
How the relationship between children will be built depends primarily on the psychological climate in the family. The difference in age is not critical. However, some of the nuances associated with it, still worth considering:
Weather. The year-old will quickly get used to the appearance of a younger brother or sister, they quickly become friends and almost certainly will play together. On the other hand, now that your body is recovering from recent births, you need help especially. Assistant (nanny or grandmother) will greatly facilitate your life!
3-4 years . The older child goes through the so-called crisis of three years - and often leads to the white-hot behavior of even the most phlegmatic parents. You can find a compromise: try every day to allocate time, which you will spend only with the elder. And do not leave the children alone without supervision even for a couple of minutes: three-four-year-olds do not yet fully realize the consequences of their actions.
6-7 years. It's also a difficult period for an older child: he goes to school, experiences some emotional separation from his parents. On the one hand, in every possible way encourage the manifestation of independence from the elder. On the other hand, from time to time, give him the opportunity to be "small": let's make fun of yourself, do not go one day to school.
More than 10 years. Parents seem to re-experience their youth - and it's wonderful! The first-born can already independently and lunch to warm up, and to clean things, and with the kid to play. However, your emotional support for the older child is still necessary. Look into his school affairs, find time to listen to the confession about the first love - and the trust between you will only be strengthened.
Problems and solutions of the first year
A year after the birth of the youngest child, the children build their own relationships. The elder becomes more and more interesting to communicate with a small: here he went to the crib, and the little man smiled at him, held out his hands. It's so cool: to understand that for a witless you are an authority and an idol! The older child can still feel jealous and occasionally provoke parents. It is important to understand that in reality a little man turns into a monster not because he really wants to annoy you. The main goal of the capricious and "nechohuchi" is to make sure that the parents love him as before. Therefore, do not skimp on the manifestations of love - tenderness and affection can not be much!
Psychologists' advice
- Remind the elder about the advantages of his position. He can already eat strawberries, while the youngest - only mother's milk and grinded soups. He, as an adult, goes to the cinema and theater, chooses his own toys, helps his mother. But do not demand from him constant adulthood! Sometimes you can joke to say something like: "Wait a minute, I'll fill the plate with food for your big brother (sisters), and then I'll change your diaper."
- Make yourselves with the older tree of your family. Draw it on a large sheet of Whatman, and on the twigs, paste photos of all members of the family. When the child sees that both he and his brother (sister) are parts of a large family clan, this will contribute to an atmosphere of unity and cohesion.
- The senior child is forced every morning to get out of the warm bed, dress and go to the kindergarten or school. And the younger one can sleep until noon and not be separated from his mother for a minute. Of course, offensively! From time to time, arrange an "unscheduled vacation": at least once a month, take the elder from the garden (school) early. And even completely free from the lessons. This day, spent with the family, while the other peers eat porridge on schedule or sit at desks, will be a real holiday for the child.
"When a child learns to walk, his research itch will become irrepressible." He will begin to encroach on the toys of the older child, tear his books and scatter markers. Try to make sure that the existing living space of the elder (no matter whether it is a private room or a private table), no one has encroached without demand. And neither you nor your brother or sister. Accustom the youngest to the word "impossible." Now children learn to "share" their parents and find compromises. Tears and fights at this stage are almost inevitable. Believe me, in the future you will often hear from your children: "What a happiness that I have a brother or sister!" Having prepared the older child for the birth of the younger, the parents will only strengthen their family.