It does not matter whether you are at the beginning of the relationship or already a couple with experience, according to Professor of Psychology Alfred Hebert of Munster, that your love is strengthened, harmony must be in five areas: in sex, in relation to money, in communication, in life values , in the plans for the future.
Is your union beautiful? Strengthen it
Purposefully strengthen the weak points of your relationship!
"The stronger the foundation is built, the stronger will be the union," Professor Gebert believes. Therefore, first concentrate on three areas. Try to maximize the main elements of your union!
"Half a year is a time when love turns into love," explains Alfred Hebert. "Sensual sex and good communication are 70% of strong relationships, and the general views on life values, money and plans for the future are the remaining 30%, polls say." If you want to open the second breath of your love, pay attention to the areas of sex and communication.
Your love is far from dim
In order for this to happen, before large expenses, complete the total budget together to ensure an honest partnership.
Constant friction due to money is a fairly common problem of couples starting serious relationships. The problem is that you have different views on finance. For example, you save for a rainy day, and he collects disks or travels. Someone needs money to subconsciously feel protected, someone - for a sense of freedom, at least, for example, for self-realization. Try to talk about money, bypassing the practical part. Instead of "Why do you need three phones?" Ask: "Does this really make you happy?" So you'll get around, sharp corners and let him know that you care about his well-being first of all.
For your disagreements in money matters, most likely, there is a rivalry. "Most often, this happens when one partner starts to get relatively more than another," says financial guru Katrin Zundermayer. - He does not want to share his bonus and at the same time keeps your overall budget under control. In such a situation, a partner with a lower incomes feels less constrained and less needed. The simplest and most effective way of allocating funds is two coins, the total and the personal: a certain amount goes to joint expenses, and each person pays for personal spending according to his own judgment.
Sex
According to the studies of the University of GцTttingen, 30% of happy couples can improve their sex life if they share their fantasies with a partner. The most popular fantasy is sex where you can be noticed: in the car or on the roof of the house.
To feel completely satisfied, you do not have enough! "Sometimes in sex you need to show a desire for experiments, but 80% it should consist of the usual rituals," advises Hebert. You can try new clothes or try "toys" and lubricants.
If you are on the way to a sexual lull, you will be helped by an open conversation. Among couples, there is an opinion that for the fantastic is only the mutual attraction, it's a myth! "Mad passion throughout life - the result of continuous work". Alfred's advice: talk about sex like a wife with a compulsion, like going to the movies. Maybe it's time to change the comedy for a thriller?
Communication
You can talk about everything, and it's wonderful! This power makes your relationship incredibly resilient to everything. One "but": do not stop every trifle, troubles like a silly remark need to be briefly marked and forgotten.
Eight out of ten pairs break up because the partners have been talking a little: on average less than a quarter of an hour a day - warns Alfred Hebert. - Much depends on the topic of the conversation. Women are mostly conversational acquaintances, and men are about work, sports and technology. Expert's advice: less empty talk and more substance! According to research, talk about dreams or memories makes couples happier.
Your communication does not develop due to misunderstanding. Before your partner, alas, only a part of what you say comes to you, and you yourself differently wrongly interpret his short, terse phrases. "Turn to him," advises the psychologist. - Try to formulate the thoughts briefly and clearly, as if it were the CMC: "Let's go today at eight to the cinema?" Or "I want these earrings for the birthday!". And when you listen to it, try to be attentive and do not be afraid to ask again: it will depend on this, the couple will turn out to be either of you. "
Life values
You are on the same wavelength! "But you still have to leave a couple of sharpshooters," advises the psychologist. Your own hobbies will make your life together brighter and more diverse.
The main thing - stop quarreling over trifles. There is an opinion that loving people measure every day lived from the point of view of everyday small things. We are women, we evaluate relations "from within", highlighting care and attention, and men - "outside", paying attention to behavior and punctuality. Most often this different assessment of relations leads to quarrels. Agree on everything in advance, discussing and the time of delay, and who helps whom in the kitchen.
"The fact that partners should be equally emotionally reserved and treat the same things equally is a myth," Hebert says. -50% similar plus 50% difference - the optimal balance. " But the attitude to loyalty, honesty and trust are the points on which you still need to be similar. It is the basis of any strong union.
Future plans
"Joint plans make your union extremely strong," he said. But try to invest your potential in some more everyday, simple things, like a weekend trip or a picnic on the grass.
You surrender to dreams about the future, but he does not separate them. "Perhaps it's about time," the expert said. - Women often plan all their further life and have answers to all important questions, such as housing, marriage, children. But having clear plans for a man means giving up everything else. " According to polls, every third representative of a strong sex is afraid. Give him time. Usually during the relationship, plans for the future appear by themselves.
You do not want to plan your future at all! In the first half a year of relations this is natural: lovers are so busy with each other that they can not think of anything else. But if you are together for a long time, then the lack of plans is normal. "Perhaps in you two lies the fear of being deceived," the psychologist explains. It's time to decide, because who does not risk - does not drink champagne! It is not at all necessary to marry immediately to raise children: What is important is the fact that you want to be together and work over your relations.