Who is such a bore?
- This is a man who is easier to give,
than to explain why you do not want it ...
Many people want to be polite, pleasant in communication, once again do not expose themselves in a bad light. Especially it concerns women. But life is such that it is often impossible to rely only on one's own strength. Moreover, people are social, and they tend to want something from each other. Help, understanding, gifts ... And here psychology suggests that if you ask a person for a long time, he will give consent. But you just have to ask with the mind.
Do not be a boreNobody likes to communicate with the bore. Perhaps the requirements of such a person will be met. Of course, if you ask a person for a long time, he will give his consent to anything, just to get rid of his requests. But this price, it would seem, is relatively small - there is a downside. Relations with time become more formal, and now a person feels a moral right to refuse a request.
The conclusion is the first: it is not profitable to be a bore, and asking "on the forehead" is more expensive. We want to do everything with the least effort, do not we? So, the constant melancholy tunes "Dear, I want a fur coat" anyone will bring to white heat and will force to throw not only a fur coat to the feet, but in the end this very "sweet" ...
Choose a suitable time and place for requests
Imagine that you are taking a bath. And at this time the phone is ringing in the kitchen. To answer a bothersome and untimely call, you have to get up, get dry, get out of the bathroom (presumably - throwing a robe). Pleasure goes away, the bath cools, the foam dissolves ...
The same happens with those from whom we ask for help. Therefore, if it's not a matter of maximum urgency, and not of a deadly importance, it's better to ask beforehand: "Is there a minute?" Moreover, for this politeness, solving the question, satisfying the request, will save you time and money.
Conclusion of the second: definitely not worth asking during a meeting, a football match, crossing the street to a red light outside the pedestrian crossing ...
Request regularly
Requests are ignored for no reason. If we were serious about even the fleeting phrase dropped by the interlocutor - then, probably, would go mad. And do not be offended: if you ask for a person for a long time, he will most likely give his consent. And if you ask for it once, it will forget your request as something of no consequence.
However, for him your business is so. You need this ...
Request in advance
To ask for a loan the same evening, as a need was found out - means to condemn yourself to a spoiled relationship. Why? Now we'll figure it out. So, you come in full confidence that your girlfriend received a salary yesterday, and she can borrow money. And then - what a misfortune - she already bought something big. You are unhappy (and if the matter is serious, then internally indignant), trying to maintain a friendly expression.
If you get used to asking at the last moment - then each time an uncomfortable request will "beat" the relationship. Alas.
Be able to give thanks and help yourself
Of course, if it is often, long and tediously to ask a person for anything, he will give consent to any matter. Tucked up and will. But it is not necessary to remain only in "eternal debtors", and not only in the ordinary, everyday, but also in the esoteric sense. Do someone important or unpleasant for him, help, if you are asked. Stay in the camp of generous, strong people who have something to give the world. And then your sense of self about petitioners and requests will surely begin to undergo the most positive changes.
You will understand that he asks not only weak, but gives not only the one who has everything. And this is already the key to constructive changes.
What if you do not know how to ask at all?
There is such a category of women that it's easier for me to "persuade myself" than to persuade myself to "humble myself", as they call it. In fact, human forces are finite - especially the strength of a young mother, an elderly lady, a female worker in two shifts. Sooner or later you will have to ask - both at work and at home.
To ask is very simple if you feel the vital need. If the question is so important that "if not he (-a) will help - then no one will help, lie down and die." In this case, with fright almost all learn to ask.
And if the question is not so important? What to do?
Perhaps, gradually learn to ask. First, lend a pen or wash, then - ask a colleague to grab yogurt from the store, then - to help with the car repair ... But it is always important to separate the request from a whim. To inflate sponges and demand is not the same as recognizing the importance of a person, his qualifications and skills, and ask. Most likely, not once.