The terrible truth
We know that they are not ideal. One is lazy, the second is inattentive, forgetful, inaccurate, hot-tempered, the third talent combines all these qualities. But deep down, each of us is sure that she is the best. A laziness or forgetfulness - cute flaws, so to speak, raisins friable biscuit angelic character. We easily admit to ourselves that it is difficult for us to concentrate on work, "but it's worth the boss to declare our inattention, lose our appetite, sleep and desire to come to the office by 10 o'clock. "When we talk about our minuses out loud, at heart we continue to believe that they are insignificantly small, and in comparison with colleagues we are brilliant professionals. Therefore, when others point out this shortcoming, we are terribly surprised and offended, "explains psychologist Irina Romanova. And what conclusions do we draw? We are treated badly! Especially since it is tactful to make remarks able units. Whatever the criticism - deserved or not, it seems insulting, tactless, harsh. Very often we think that a fair observation only masks the critic's dislike, forming the so-called sandwich: from above and below - supposedly just words, and inside - a cutlet that can be poisoned. And that's why a person instinctively avoids and aggressively does not accept this fast food.
From the side
The first reaction in response to a negative comment is an acute desire to take offense and leave. Or say something unpleasant in return. But neither one nor the other is not a good option. Then you will have to worry not only because of criticism, but also because of your own rash words and deeds. To perceive spacing without unnecessary emotions, psychologists advise to learn to see the situation from the side. When we look at what is happening with our own eyes, we do not notice anything except the person uttering offensive words. But if you try to enter the role of observer, you can notice much more. First of all, you need to take a deep breath and ask yourself the question: "What do I look like now?" This will allow to abstract from emotions and not miss the comments with which you can agree.
Specifically
Very often, when we are criticized, we hear not concrete things, but common accusations. We are told "you made a mistake," we hear "you are talentless," you say "you could do it better", we hear "you're a potboiler." It is peculiar for a man to exaggerate the scale of trouble. If we criticize our work, especially the one in which, it seems to us, we have put our soul, it becomes a real disaster. But in fact, most often condemn is not our view of the world as a whole, but some individual act, an error that can be completely corrected. "It is very important to separate the criticism of actions from criticism of the individual. If they say: the pie is not tasty, it means that it is the particular pie that is being criticized, which this time failed. Not our culinary skills and especially not us. The chief expresses his dissatisfaction with your knowledge of English? He does not mean that you "studied in vain at the institute and in general - a mediocre employee". He just says that you need to refill your vocabulary and practice your pronunciation. And nothing more.
As from the wall
And it happens that the criticism is clearly unfair and offensive. For example, you sit at night on a new project and have already forgotten what a full weekend. But the customer, because of a bad character or just a bad mood, criticized your work in the dust, without explaining clearly what he did not like. Or the arguments are so far-fetched that it's even funny. Only you at this moment are not up to laughter - offended to tears. It is worth to tell the offender - everything he wanted to convey to you, you heard and learned. Yes, they say, Ivan Ivanovich, I understand you, I will take into account, I will correct myself. So the easiest way to stop the conversation and protect yourself from another squall of reproaches. Unfair comments most often say that the critic is not in the spirit and tries to improve the mood by spoiling the positive mood of the other. Do not give him a chance! And if your calm consent does not help, and the charges will not stop, imagine: offensive words bounce off of you - like balls from the wall. In psychology, there is such a method of protection: you need to imagine that an invisible wall has appeared around you, protecting you from external aggression. And let them say what they want, - it does not concern you and does not care. Checked in practice: very often, without getting the expected rebuff, the aggressor cools and after a while comes with an apology. "The most important thing is not to apply to your self-assessment the entire amount of new information about yourself. Evaluation of yourself is your own business, the territory on which the entrance to others is prohibited. Remember: no matter how annoying a remark - it's just the opinion of the person standing in front of you, even if he is the boss.
Ambulance
Another variant of the reaction to aggressive criticism is sympathy. Agree, if a person is not in the mood now, then there are reasons for that. Maybe a couple of hours ago, he was ruthlessly chastised by a higher-ranking government. Or, which is also likely, he is just jealous of your talents. Bad weather, an unfortunate reflection in the mirror - you never know what. "The hidden cause of degrading criticism is often an insult to the whole world or a specific part of it. But only you have nothing to do with it, and so you have no reason to worry about the claims. Think that the offender now is much harder than you, sympathize and let him go in peace, "- advises Irina Romanova. Depending on the situation, one can sympathize in silence or out loud. For example, if subordination allows, turn to the critic: "It seems to me that you are somewhat upset. Do you feel well? "This will help him to get distracted and think about his own problems.
Word replacement
"You're always late!" - says a colleague, "you always forget everything," the stern chief says, "you've messed up everything again," the client says. After these words, you can sprinkle your head with ashes and admit that you are an unlucky loser. But it is better to translate the heard words into a constructive channel. "Do not let the critics generalize and exaggerate. You in fact do not lose documents every day, and it is concrete yesterday the copy of the contract somewhere has gone. Or, for example, you do not "always forget", but today you earned money and did not congratulate the partner's birthday on your company's birthday. In addition, the psychologist recalls that in any phrase you can find a second meaning. That is, you can safely look for a critical statement of praise in your address. For example, if they say: "you are too talkative", this can be translated as "yes, I'm sociable, sociable, I have good oratorical abilities." It is reported that "working at the pace of a turtle" - think: "I'm a damned hardy marathon runner, I do everything on conscience".
Direct Text
And sometimes criticism is like an importunate fly. For example, you have a habit of constantly winding your hair on your finger when you think about it. Or do you like it if there is a cup of coffee and a vase with a biscuit near the computer. Neither is prohibited, nor corporate rules, nor rules of propriety. But necessarily in the team there is someone who gives pleasure regularly and loudly to make comments to you. "The simplest way to tell the interlocutor is directly: you understood it, but you have your own position, and you are not going to refuse it, because you do not harm anyone. If the criticism is intrusive or unpleasant, feel free to honestly say this and ask to spare you further comments, "advises Irina Romanova.
In a joke
It is very important to learn to accept criticism with humor. "You can not find a common language with customers," the colleague said after five concluded deals, and the sixth, alas, did not take place. Promise to take an example from a critic, because he is a "real expert". If the boss makes a remark, and a successful joke can be mistaken for an insult. But you can and make fun of yourself. Smile and confess: I made a mistake in the report, because, "like a real blonde, I suffer from stupidity once a year." Self-irony will not allow the boss to get angry. A cheerful mood will help you look at things easier, take criticism calmly and even find something useful in it.