Adolescence is a rather difficult period in the life of every person. As a rule, it is marked by a peculiar manifestation of protest, a desire to declare itself. Therefore, it is also called the crisis of development, it is similar in intensity and intensity to the crisis of middle age. The adolescent period is characterized by a change of authority - from teachers to peers.
Sometimes they are not exactly children, but not adults, they use shocking ways of self-expression. Code of them include the creation of subcultures. They protest against politics, customs, rules. It expresses itself in bright, ornate clothes, the same make-up, piercings and tattoos. But the main way of their self-expression is behavior that deviates from the standard norm, the public notion of morality, and so on. (alcohol use, excessive aggressiveness or intimidation of others by demonstrative attempts of suicide).
Before giving any advice on how to fight the way of self-expression, consider two main, most common subcultures.
Emo
Representatives of this trend are called "emo-kits". The subculture is attributed to very emotional teenagers, who can respond to all kinds of troubles and conflicts in a somewhat unconventional way. Therefore, the prefix "kid" (angl.rebenok) is not accidental here. So loudly rejoice and cry because of some kind of smallness can only children. This is also characteristic of the emo movement.
It is believed that emo is people prone to depression and suicide. In fact, this is not so. Such adolescents simply give vent to their emotions and prefer not to keep everything in themselves. Both black and pink are predominant in color and makeup. The eyes are covered by a thick bush fringe.
But there is a positive moment in all this. Emo-kizdyzachastymi are Straightagers, that is representatives of the movement, which promotes a healthy lifestyle and refusal from promiscuous sexual relations.
Goths
Quasi-religious youth subculture, characterized by a grim perception of life and the romanticization of death. Therefore, the style of necromantic decadence and paraphernalia associated with death predominate in clothing. Gotam inherent excessive concern for his image and the fascination of all the supernatural. Such adolescents often imitate depressive state and ostentatious indifference to everything around them.
Since there are many subspecies of this subculture, the choice of clothes of the Gothic style is very diverse, and the outfits themselves can frighten the "ordinary" person. Therefore, it is desirable for parents of such an adolescent to participate in the purchase of such outfits and skillfully persuade the child to choose a more aesthetic (in your opinion) clothes, which at the same time will be related to Gothic style.
And what about the parents?
Faced with this problem, each parent will think about the measures that need to be taken to protect the child from the harmful effects of peers. How can one handle a stalking child in order to maintain good relations with him and at the same time control his actions and keep from rash acts?
First, do not even try to respond badly to his informal company. This will only exacerbate the situation. Your negative feedback about his friends will be another reason for protest. Often, with their ideological friends, adolescents display contempt for their relatives. The response to your discontent will be familiarity and disdainful tone of speech. As a result, the child will only increase his reputation in the eyes of "classmates". You will undermine your authority and then it will be much more difficult for you to find a common language with it.
It is difficult to give advice on how to deal with this situation. Every case is unique. Sometimes, when a teenage rebellion, in your opinion, goes beyond what is permitted, you need to turn to a specialist. In this non-figurative shameful. You, being in the center of events, it will be difficult to objectively evaluate the situation. The psychologist will look at her as if from outside and reveal the root of the problem. Having learned the reason, it will be much easier for you to determine the next order of actions.
Sometimes you just have to accept the changes that are taking place in your child. Do not always remind him of how unhappy his appearance. Spend more time with him. Show that you are not ashamed to go somewhere with him when he is dressed or painted "not like everything". Invite his friends to come in and even arrange a small party. But do not forget that you are a parent, and having offered him such freedom of action, you still need to limit it to reasonable frames. If you allowed him to arrange a party and invite her to his informal friends, name the exact time to which it should end, with the prerequisite - in the near future turn the room the old look and wash the dishes.
Remember:
If you want to develop in your child certain habits (against the crawlers), it will take 3 repetitions. To eradicate it you will need to repeat this more than twenty times.
Sometimes you just need to tell a teenager that you recognize his "adulthood" and consider his opinion. But there is a little trickery here. Add that as your child has matured and can now independently make a decision, adult responsibilities (washing dishes, ironing and washing your informal clothes, going to groceries, etc.) will be assigned to him. Such a statement should cool down his desire to become an adult as soon as possible.
We warn the problem
If you have not yet encountered the problem of teenage rebellion, be afraid that in the future your "grown-up" child can throw out such a number, then you should:
In advance, teach the child how interesting it is to spend free time.
Attract him with some kind of hobby (dancing, swimming, drawing, etc.) Do not press on the child. Let him choose what he likes. Your task, to familiarize it with possible variants.
It is desirable to have at least one common hobby, dealing with the child.
The child should see that you are also interested in something. That is, you yourself must be a good example for your child, so that he sees the benefits of what you offer him.
And most importantly. Family problems should be resolved through negotiations, and not with the help of moral pressure on the child and orders. By the teenage period, parents should become a child's authority, which should be listened to.