Is female friendship a myth or a reality?

Henri de Monterlan, the French writer, once said: "Friendship between women is just a nonaggression pact." Do the ladies really do not know how to be friends? What is female friendship - a myth or a reality? This will be discussed below.

Disputes about whether there is friendship between women, are a long time. In the middle of the XVII century, all the leading French philosophers were carried away by the discussion of the "women's issue". Scientists have come to the conclusion that women are nothing alien to humans and they can also be friends. However, in the opinion of the same "experts", not all women are capable of this: someone has a mind, someone has education, someone can not see a potential rival next to him, and someone thinks friendship is boring. About this, incidentally, wrote Laroshfuko: "Women are so indifferent to friendship, that it seems to them fresh in comparison with love." "Wuyi, ui," nodded the French men approvingly and, rejoicing at their superiority, went to kill the best friends in a duel, write denunciations on them and put them in debt pits.

MEN'S APPROACH

The myth of friendship as an exclusively male relationship has come down to our days practically unchanged. As the main proof of the "unnaturalness" of female friendship, allegedly the inability of girlfriends to maintain mutual devotion in the event of the appearance of a man. Say, then the fair sex immediately begin to pull on a blanket, and with him, and huddled in the corner of the duvet cover boy. And then they forget about the troubles experienced together, joint shopping, etc.

However, this argument is easy to refute. First, shopping, gathering in the kitchen and discussing some personal experiences do not mean friendship. Women can be friends, companions, and they become friends just after they honor the test with the attention of fans, money, etc. Secondly, men also often turn into rivals and even enemies, falling in love with the same woman. And it happens that the same reasons lead to more prosaic reasons, for example, competition in business, etc. Thirdly, women's battles for a man are sometimes quite bitter, because the weak sex is harder than a strong man to find a life partner. However, this does not mean that the girlfriend immediately turns into enemies, just on the horizon looms the man. There are a lot of cases of love altruism, as altruism in general among friends (we'll talk about this later).

Psychologists believe that female friendship stands the test, if it "human" moments take precedence over "sexual". But that's what men are really right about, so this is that the female friendship is different from the male.

SISTERS OF MERCY

Women's friendship between representatives of the weaker sex is often transformed into a practically related relationship. The best friend prepares you a wedding table, hangs in the maternity hospital, sits with your child (and often becomes a "second mother", especially if she does not have her own children), takes your cat for the summer. Perhaps, such relations are partly due to historically established stereotypes. For many centuries people lived in large families, where the female half together performed homework, raised children, etc. Having found herself in a new social reality, where the "family" often means only the husband or mother, the woman unconsciously tries to expand the circle of relatives at the expense of strangers . Such relationships give the ladies the necessary sense of mutual support, security, and the opportunity to share responsibility for their opinions, desires and actions. It's one thing to say: "I want to make repairs in the house" - and quite another: "We want ...". This collective "we" inspires confidence and creates a sense of self-righteousness.

True, sister friendship has one significant drawback - sacrifice, which often turns out to be excessive. How many women refuse the opportunity to arrange a personal life in favor of a friend! "I will not meet with him, because Lenochka is also very like him ..." "Do not burden your girlfriend with your problems, she needs support right now ..." "Vera is a star, let her wear this dress, and I quite can go in something simpler ... "And now no one is alone with a loved one or with the family. We must invite a friend, because she is so alone now ...

Such a friendship resembles a symbiosis, a "closed club", where an outsider's entry is ordered. This is her strength and weakness at the same time. Girlfriends become the closest to each other people, but the appearance of one "member of the club" of their interests and goals is often regarded by others as a betrayal. So, if you are inclined to sisterly relations, from the very beginning agree that each of you has a certain degree of freedom. It is not necessary to do absolutely everything in this life together. Something can be done either alone or in company with other people. This is not a betrayal of a beloved friend.

AGAINST WHO FRIEND?

Sometimes women come together for purely practical purposes - to make it easier to overcome all problems. In such relations there is less sacrifice and sisterly affection, but more elements of mutual settlement, which makes it a strategically beneficial union. They do not mean spontaneous associations for the sake of survival from the collective of an objectionable employee. We are talking about more or less lasting alliances, which can be divided into three types.

■ Beauty and the Beast. In such a duet, one girlfriend has an attractive appearance, and the other advantageously shades it. As a result, the first receives a loyal retinue in the person of his companion and the attention of men, and the second - the opportunity to participate in social events. In addition, she "fall" gentlemen, whom her friend rejected.

■ Smart and Pretty-what-little fool. If not for this union, the first men would be considered a bore, and the second - just a fool. By combining their efforts, they become ideal in the fusion of intelligence and charm, femininity and wit.

■ Lioness and Mouse. In this pair, one woman behaves aggressively and aggressively, and the second - quietly and imperceptibly. The lioness hunts, and Mouse develops an attack strategy, smooths the conflicts that arise along the way.

Friendship on "cooperative" principles is more vulnerable than sister. In fact, while the girlfriend is driven by a common goal, they stand with each other for a wall. But as soon as the psychological problems of one of them begin to be resolved, the balance in the pair is violated, and the union, as a rule, disintegrates. However, if one understands friendship under the friendship of one another during difficult periods of life, then such relations are quite promising.

ACHILLES' HEEL

Women can be friends not only years and decades, remaining close friends and in old age. And psychologists have found out that friendship lasts for the longest time, which was born in a romantic youth: in a school, in an institute ... But people aged rarely converge with others. Apparently, they become more distrustful and critical. However, there are several risk factors that can destroy even the strongest friendship. You need to know about them in order to recognize the danger in time if it arises on your path. So, what in female friendship is necessary to beware?

First, competition. If you sincerely advised the girlfriend to change the image, and when she finally updated the wardrobe, felt jealousy or exultation: "I'm more fashionable!", On friendly terms it will not be the best way. Only healthy competition resembling social competition is unbeatable, when the winner takes the lagging tug, rejoicing at his successes. But the desire to beat off a friend's husband is not a rivalry, but a desire to assert oneself by humiliating a friend. This has nothing to do with friendship.

Secondly, the tests are "ruble". It's not "a secret that money can ruin even the most reliable relationships." If you value friendship, never boast to a friend that you get more of it (and do not be jealous if you get less.) Remember: money is an important but not the main part of our life Let them not be an end in themselves, but a means of realizing their desires and desires of close people, including girlfriends.

Third, the admission to your "women's club" of new members. You can, of course, convene all the friends at the same table, but do not make your best friend become your best friend and the rest. American scientists, honestly studying the phenomenon of "Sex and the City," came to an unexpected conclusion - the friendship of four and three friends is short-lived: the quartet soon break up into pairs, and the threes now and again conflict and find out the relationship. This is the destiny of the "group" female friendship - the myth or reality is such statements can only be clarified by practical means.