Courage to feel
From that time they began to be cautious when communicating, to pull themselves back even in a personal diary. Think about how our frankness, courage, and unrest will affect our ratings. Starting to work for the image, they changed themselves. And our real essence seemed to be hazy. On the surface were the generally accepted values with our alleged opinion about them: respect or disregard. And gradually they ceased to understand themselves. Trust has disappeared from the relationship. But also it seemed to us normal, we learned to live. Sometimes a feeling came. We tried to tune in to one wave. But like heroes of different eras, did not converge. We have long ceased to understand who we are, where it is our own line, and therefore could not unite it with a stranger. So in the person - talented, brave and loving - a crack is planned. We master the art of playing with feelings. We hide them, weave the network, lure and repel, take an indifferent look, eat our lips, restrain the trembling in our knees, kill requests and confessions. The cry of the soul is heard inside, but no one hears it. We do not complicate relations, we simply do not allow the very fact of their existence. We are self-sufficient specimens, everything is in order, and what's wrong - we will survive alone with ourselves. And then we long for thinking about how it would be nice, understand us around, take it as it is, let yourself remain yourself. Meanwhile, our struggle with windmills is becoming so common that you stop noticing it. Arming ourselves with a hint about pain that does not kill. Yes, we are becoming stronger. The question is, what price.
The charm of romance
And only when the love of the monotony of our personal world is wedged in, we are satisfied with ourselves. And in this collapse of boredom we forget our own name. The gap between "still remember" and "already worn out of memory" is filled with other important and no less exciting moments. To establish a strong connection, you need to see who is in it besides us. And in time to resist the desire to create a beautiful fairy tale about him. After all, until we realized that we are in love with a dream, it is with her that we are building a novel. No matter how far its waves have carried us, one day it's time to meet with reality. And then, sometimes, we experience ecstasy: the period, accompanied by euphoria, can be regarded as an outset. And your story has a sequel. Often it does not follow. The moment when the revelation comes, it becomes final. The actor left the image, the charm evaporated: everything we knew was, it turns out, about the hero. The performer is another, quite often the opposite of the role. At one point his weaknesses surfaced; It's not him. "This is NOT it," sadly sums up the "no-it" in response. Relationships are destroyed not through the fault of small disagreements. Between you - the total difference. Lack of similarity. You do not fit together. And why did not you notice this before?
Remove the mask
True love is inherent in self-exposure, literally taking off your protective attire. Nakedness at the level of thoughts and feelings. It can not do without patience, understanding and compassion, it is alien to control the life of a partner. It's terrible for us to think about what will happen if we push off a loved one. And they are ready to resort to tricks. To be silent: if you insist, it's gentle; to use the wisdom of women; play on your own weakness. Yes, for example, so. Always be on your guard so as not to cause any resentment. Be as unobtrusive as possible. Some choose this tactic of "preserving the relationship," although it surely drains them, nullifying them. Alertness with which we treat a loved one leads to the emergence of a new layer of barricades between us. And instead of reciprocal love, we get an alliance of passions, often contradictory. The cruel irony is that, wishing to build, we are destroying. Dreaming of closeness, we generate jealousy, irritation, anger, sadness, impotence and fatigue. And gradually we undermine the root of our union - still a weak connection with each other. Sometimes, in order to avoid obscurity, we hasten to put the point where it does not belong. In one fell swoop, we break off the relationship.
Decoupling
Image is not a person yet. Sometimes it's not her at all. But often we give the right to lead an imaginary "I". He is distinguished by his advantages and disadvantages that are not characteristic of us, however, in time we get used to them and accept them as our own. Revelation that we are not us, generates the need for change, a return to ourselves. Without such a way back, a feeling resembles that experienced by an actor who plays someone else's role. He's a fake, he's kidding. And let others do not guess, you can not hide from yourself. The manner of perceiving one's own personality "from these to these" leads to an unfair evaluation of reality. For example, we are firmly convinced of our rightness. Always. And even if we apologize, we are guided not by a voice of conscience. Just do not want to spoil the mood because of dissenting stubborn. We'll talk about their reaction some other time. And now we will dwell on a more significant "side effect". Remaining in our own eyes the truth in the highest instance, we doom ourselves to a repeat of the error. And if we refuse to listen to an opinion different from ours, it will be very problematic for us to reach an agreement with our close people, because we will have our interpretations ready for everything. Unbending, who do not recognize other people's arguments, we believe that they are firm in their convictions. In fact, it is profitable for us to be mistaken! Every time we make a mistake, circumstances develop in a certain way. From which we get an argument in favor of some point of view. A simple example: we break on a close person, he responds to our attack aggression. Here, please, is proof that he is indifferent to us. And if this technique is practiced at all, from whom we secretly wait for support and sympathy, do not come to a conclusion that nobody cares about us. Nevertheless, the realization that we are dear to someone (if the very idea of this is wild) can be a serious shake-up for our worldview. And the mistakes that we continue to make with enviable constancy, protect him from shocking discoveries.
Epilogue
Proximity arises where there is no place for primacy and power. Where they strive for mutual understanding and recognize the right of another to freedom. Even the moments of turbulence in such a tandem do not carry a threat to their own "I" and are not the harbingers of separation. When you are close, then team up with a partner at each of the possible levels. You accept and support it, exchange energy. In the process of acquaintance, the past is invariably present in your present. Fresh scratches of the soul, which can be inadvertently touched, remind us how the connection is fragile and weightless. Therefore, even the most sincere words should be directed towards creation. If you go to meet each other with an open heart, friction will not become a hindrance. After all, even they are just a way to understand yourself and better understand your loved one. Actually, we all aspire to this.