Soundly live
Love is known to be blind, so we often do not fall for those who should. You do not smile to become her slave, and you choose the way around this enchanted kingdom of broken hearts. "In the senior classes I kept a diary - a pink one with a small lock that was closed on a golden key," says Katya, "he did not keep any special secrets: I did not have them yet, I was only preparing to meet the love of my life - in the same way as they prepare themselves for the answer in the exam: she outlined smart thoughts in the subject.The diary then disappeared somewhere, but the quotations remained in my head.I remember, for example, that Kierkegaard stated that the only thing you can consider is a feeling for the person who makes you But I do not want to suffer at all. I chose the advice that the English poet Samuel Johnson gave his daughter three hundred years ago: "If you want to love for a long time, love the intellect and not the heart, and not just for that, but for the benefit of yourself." To rush into the whirlpool of feelings of one's own volition - that's still the task, but you can make a good choice, guided by common sense. "So I married Antonio, I was in the first year when he came to the internship, I expected to stay for 2 months, and stayed for 5 years. Because of me. On vacation, I stayed with him in Rome, the rest of the time he lived in Moscow. The most touching sign of his attention was not even the move to another country and not the flowers and gifts that he showered me, but the way he accompanied me to the institute every morning, although he got up at 7 am for him. And as a cold, with a high temperature, he sat with me in lectures, although he could calmly flu at home. When Antonio suggested to me, I did what psychologists recommend: I drew a sheet of paper into two columns - in the left plus, and in the right - the minuses of our life together. My elected parents are well-off parents who accepted me as a native, spacious apartment, own rock band and recording studio, I'm comfortable with him, he is a budding singer and composer, and most importantly - he loves me very much. The minuses turned out to be only four: like all Italians, Antonio was not used to straining, he is below me by a couple of centimeters, instead of cubes of the press, he has a bunch, and ... I do not like him. But is it really that important? For 7 years that we are together, most of my friends who jumped off marrying through great love, managed to get a divorce, some even not once. They dreamed of a different future, and I got exactly what I wanted, and I do not regret it. But sometimes all the same I ask myself: suddenly I missed something in my calculations? Too everything is smooth and predictable ... "
You are afraid to turn into a doll, pierced by an arrow of the Cupid, which acts contrary to one's own interests. So you do not allow yourself to lose your head when meeting with men who could turn it, and build relationships with those who are not capable of it. After all, only without experiencing serious feelings for the object of your sympathy, you can keep a sober head. You specially programmed yourself by putting an emotional block on love, and it has not let you down yet. It is not excluded that it will not let you down, unless, of course, you yourself want to lift the ban on relations with bad, in your opinion, boys, whom usually attracts good girls.
Good Deal Marriage
You tried to prove to everyone that you were already an adult, did not want to be left behind from a friend who will soon have a wedding. Or, perhaps, as a child, I was obsessed with a dream given by Hollywood - as in slow motion, to swim to the altar in a heap of weightless white laces ... At the first opportunity, you realized this scenario, and the marriage mousetrap slammed shut. "Igor called me to marry directly at the prom," recalls Karina, "and I immediately decided that I would have a wedding, like in a movie." And life, like in a movie, in an apartment donated by parents, where in the bedroom on a rug with the inscription " I always remember how carefully, as if alive, I took off the black butterfly from his white shirt, and he long and tastefully undid all the twelve buttons on my dress from the seventh cervical vertebrae to the back of the back. "On the part of Igor, it was all real, but as for me. I then read somewhere that the first love has nothing to do with real feelings-it only requires a little nonsense and a little curiosity. "Curiosity was satisfied, love never happened, only the stamp in the passport and the rug in bedroom with a naive promise to be together forever .. At the age of 18, it never occurred to me how many days of the year and how they all look alike when you live with the unloved. But when you are 28, you look at many things differently. "Why do not you divorce him?" - the girlfriend is surprised. Yes, because I do not want to hurt him and myself. We are familiar with the first class - already 21 years! He is part of my life, which you can not easily erase. It's like Tolstoy: Nikolai Rostov was not in love with Princess Marya, but, nevertheless, she felt her part of herself. He compared his wife to ... a finger: you do not feel special love for him, but after losing, you remain disabled for the rest of your life. So I have the same feeling for my husband. It's certainly not love, but still ... "Feelings cool down, and it does not matter whether you were obsessed with your Romeo or not: your relationship in any case periodically needs a reboot." Try to fall in love with your husband in science-specialists have developed There are a lot of such trainings, imagine that you need to advertise it as a sex symbol and hold a photo session for it, choosing the most successful foreshortenings and giving it a close-up of its dignity. poison, sex in an unusual place ... Imaginary feelings can become real: it's not for nothing that psychologists call love the triumph of the imagination over the mind, by the way, the fact that you still together says a lot. Maybe you think that you do not My mother-in-law believes that she has lived 40 years with the unloved, but everyone who saw this couple is clear: the feelings are mutual.It claims that she married because the bridegroom threatened to break in the mine if she refused ... But she would become she's saving someone she does not care?
I will not become a mother
Your mother suffered from love, and you do not want to repeat her mistakes. You also got it while she was looking for her happiness, and you were still small and very worried about her and for yourself.
"Dad was the love of her life," says Olya "Everything in the house was held by my mother, she worked as a personnel director in a large firm, raised me and her brother, nursed a paralyzed grandmother." If the TV broke down, it was taken to repair, if the car was In the car-care center I drove bags of food to the dacha on the train.The father did not even think of meeting her in the evening at the station or throwing Mitka to the kindergarten in the morning.The pope was repairing the refrigeration units, and when the orders dried up (which happened all the time), disappeared at the dacha Fished with. We gathered in Mallorca (and Mom worked for the trip, and she did all the paperwork), and he was drawn three days before the trip to fishing, although we persuaded him to stay at home. then no longer married and somehow died away at once ... I know one thing: this love is not for me! I want to suffer less than anything in the world who does not value me at all. I'm 25 years old, I work as a model and neither in whom I do not fall in love. Admit that you are afraid of a close relationship. But not all men are like your father, and you do not have to repeat your mother's mistakes - you will make your own if, of course, you give yourself such a chance. By the way, the obsession with a man with whom one should have long ago left, is usually observed in so-called symbiotics - daughters, over-guarded by authoritarian parents. In marriage, they are strongly tied to a partner, which in fact takes the place of a mother or father. If you have been independent since childhood, then you will not tolerate the relationship that makes you suffer. True, there is also a family scenario that influences our choice: many build a marriage based on the model of the parent family - provided that they consider it an example. And if it is far from ideal, they act by contradiction. Do the same, not letting fear control your life. Because to love is an excellent necessity, laid in the very nature of man.
A lot and nothing
They are all so different. And yet you are not together. You start falling in love with one, but then you meet another - higher, smarter, more successful ... How can I choose? You do not know the answer to this question, so you just watch the fight. Let this band of knights fight with swords for the right to kiss the hem of their lady, who saves feelings for the most worthy ... But he can not decide who he is. "I can not fall in love, I will not be defined in whom," complains Christina, "Everyone likes me in their own way." One is beautiful, and the other has a tremendous energy, the third is rich and successful ... Every time I think: Well, finally, I but the next one appears, and I find in him those qualities that I lacked in the previous partner.I have to start all over again with another person, although I dream of strong feelings and long-lasting relationships.He has been meeting a guy younger than me for a month already He's kind of funny and clever, but embarrasses his age and chicken I figure: older and want ponakachannee But even if I will fall so anyway because I find something to complain about ... Maybe love does not exist and I'm wasting my time looking for it. "? Doubts "he / not he" torment, while true love is not. When she comes, questions disappear. But for this to happen, you need to focus on a specific object, and not try to fall in love with the five at once and not be like Gogol's bride. Do not touch the guys, like a heap of new dresses on the hangers. According to surveys of American psychologists, girls from 16 to 30 years old dream of a knight with the chin of Keanu Reeves, lips of Brad Pitt, eyes of Tom Cruise, jaws of Harrison Ford and biceps Sylvester Stallone. Combining the features of the stars on the computer screen, the survey authors received an ugly male face - they were domiciled! Do not go so far in the fantasies and touch the guys, like a heap of new dresses on the hangers. Make a list of the ten qualities that your chosen one should possess and if you find in someone at least five, focus on him and do not switch to other candidates for boyfriends at the moment when the flame of love is ready to flare up from the spark of sympathy.
Do not need half!
You do not believe in a romantic nonsense about meeting two halves, because you consider yourself a self-sufficient person, and do not start a serious relationship, preferring to flirt with love, it's so much easier! "It is believed that all men avoid marriage, and all girls are eager for it," Lena shares her experience. "Maybe someone wants to marry, but not me, I'm 27, and I've made everything myself. I do not plan, I had a lot of men, but not a single serious novel, because the most interesting thing is always in the beginning: you give him a signal - you look intently into your eyes, throw your hair off your shoulders, tug bracelet, throw your foot on the leg, he catches your eye, Adjusts his tie, puts his thumbs on the strap. "To you or to me?" - and everything happens like the first time, but you know that this brilliant experience is better not to repeat twice with the same person. With every double feelings are dulled - there is already no drive, something like a weathering of the senses takes place, so it's time to go out again for a big hunt. " In the scale of your values, self-realization, not the family, takes first place, and the attitude to love and sex is typically masculine. You do not wait for someone to live with him for a long time, happily and die in one day, but actively looking for a partner with whom it would be comfortable here and now. It is possible that someday you will want something more than flirting, but now love without obligations suits you. You can be happy without men, but that does not mean that you will be alone all your life. By and large, it is not so important, you will meet the fate destined for you by Peter, Antony, Hippolytus or not. In fact to you and so it is good. And that happens!