Love that does not exist

At us with Leshka all was as in a fairy tale! We loved each other very much ... The trouble that happened to me became fatal for our feelings. And then we broke up. I want to ask you: how do you see boundless sorrow? The one that cramps your heart cramp and does not let go for hours. In attacks, which the world seems to be the last hole, a smelly brothel, and you are the embodiment of the loneliness of the millions of solitudes that eat you from within. How can you convey the fear of your own impotence, your inability to protect yourself? How many tons of black paint do you need to have to paint a picture of your hopeless longing? Can not imagine? But I can imagine all this! Who am I? Human. A girl with beautiful green eyes, long hair. I'm cute, and my height, the volume of the chest and thighs are ideal for modeling business, so in my native Dnepropetrovsk, I was a successful model.
She came to Kiev to study, and began to work alongside, but not as a model, but as a seller in a very fashionable boutique in the center. In the capital, I had a lot of my own. Your world, your boyfriend and even your home. In any case, I thought so. Leszek also studied and worked part-time, and even, according to metropolitan standards, he was not poor. He rented an excellent two-room apartment for us, and his parents sent their son monthly a monetary allowance, which we more than enough for food and entertainment. The girls envied me, and I ... just lived.

That evening I was sitting at home alone . Leszek lingered at work. To pass the evening, cooked a plov for dinner and lay down in front of the TV. But it was a time of delusional TV series and such, crazy programs. Under the chronic hysterics of the heroine of the next "soap" I thought about the upcoming increase. The chief was pleased with my work and quite specifically promised the position of a senior seller. And this is a significant increase in wages and more free time. "Good! If only it did not come off! Leszek while I will not speak. Let him be surprised, "I thought, and a pleasant slumber prevailed against me. Woke up the sound of broken glass. I grimaced wryly, trying to understand what had happened. "Heck! I thought. - Again, Leszek came drunk! Something they have a lot of holidays in the company recently! "With these thoughts, I wandered around the semi-dark apartment toward the kitchen. Just the sound. Suddenly, someone came out of the darkness of the corridor. I peered into an unfamiliar figure. Unhappy, she could not say a word.

On the bad did not think. The last thing I remember is a terrible blow to the head. And further - darkness. I woke up on the bed. Connected. My head was splitting. Not understanding what was happening, I tried to scream, to call Lesha, but could only whisper quietly his name. A bald freak responded to my groans. He quickly entered the room from the corridor.
- Ah, come to, dear! He croaked cautiously. "And I thought that Leha beat you inadvertently!" Well, do you have anything to share with us?
- Where is Lesha? I muttered.
"I do not know where you are." And my collects your tsatsk and clothes in boxes, - cheerfully answered disgusting type.
- What for? I asked in perplexity.
- Are you fool? - he said in surprise and even irritatedly, raking out my clothes on the floor from my shelf. "Oh, he found the casket!" What do we have there? The dialogue lasted a minute. I even forgot that for some reason or other, I was shocked by this visitor, wandering around my apartment, as if on my own.

A moment later another completely unfamiliar little man came to the room with the same tupey, embittered expression of a muzzle, like an eerie bald monster.
"Lech, the beauty is wondering why you put things in boxes!" - bursting into laughter, blurted out the first.
When this terrible man entered the room, I immediately understood everything.
I looked at them with wide eyes. Horror squeezed his throat. Probably, it was possible to scream. I knew someone could hear me, but I did not even dare move. This Lech came up to me, grabbed me by the throat and asked rudely:
"Where are the grandmothers, Lahudra?"
"I do not know, I do not know ..." I whispered. He apparently realized that I really did not know anything, and just hit me in the face with a huge smelly palm.
"The devil's bitch," he growled savagely.
"Bald, have you rummaged the cupboard?" Quickly work, stop staring at this sheep! Lech turned around and went on to pack our belongings. And the bald man came up to me and grinned cynically:
- Well, a beauty? Are you ready to get to know me better?
He picked up my sock from the floor and, crumpling it, shoved it into my mouth. I tried to resist, but after a blow to the stomach I could not move. It was impossible to suppress sobbing, because of my sock, I nearly choked with my own tears and snot, but continued to make wild, squashed sounds. The bald freak raped me, pressing the dirty sleeve of his stinking jacket against my cheek, and it seemed that my head was falling into the abyss, from which there was no way out. When he took the sock out of my mouth, he pushed me right at him. He loudly masqueraded, grabbed by the hair and lifted my head to look into my eyes. They say that murderers are very important before they kill, to look their victims in the eyes. He already killed me ... And it was too late to look into my eyes. They already had nothing. No fear, no desire to live ...

Suddenly, the empty darkness of the room began to press frantically on me from all sides. She pierced her ears, tore her nostrils. Thoughts were stuck in the black clouds of silence and twitched helplessly there, without forming any of the logical phrases. Leaving, the non-humans left my lifeless, almost naked body hanging from the bed upside down. More than anything I do not remember - just emptiness ... I woke up in a room with blue walls and a sharp smell of bleach. Opening my eyes, I immediately saw my beloved. A vicious dwarf was bursting into his soul with laughter, he pointed to Leszek and said: "Just look! What a gamut of feelings! "I obeyed the dwarf and looked at the guy. The eyes full of sadness and horror looked at me sorrowfully and affectionately. But very detached. So they look at the distress of the distant, and not of their neighbor. So they look, trying to remember the Christian mercy. He tried to say something - encouraging or sympathetic.

He raised his hands , got up, sat on my bed, even shed a tear. Then he rushed about in the hospital ward, trying with all his might to squeeze out pity and understanding. I looked at him. And did not recognize the former Leszek. I did not see the person I loved, and whispered to the dwarf who patiently waited for the answer: "He irritates me!" This perplexed and perplexed man, who is he? Alien! I did not want his touch, his support, his sad, compassionate glance, his sighs and ohs, his pathetic attempts and posturing. She rose, leaning her elbows on the gray hospital pillow to see the sky. What is there? Where is it, life? Is he still cocks? Did not stop, did not stand still, responding to my grief? Black fat crows groaned behind the unwashed window. I turned my head to Leszek and whispered: "Go away." "Forever?" He asked with a secret hope, but it was so clear that I even smiled in thought. I looked at him coldly and nodded. My ex-beloved quickly went to the door to never return ...