There are among us such individuals who strive to act solely on science. Selection of special literature from the series "Psychologist's advice", attentive reading with a pencil, sometimes note-taking. Theoretical training involves practical exercises, analysis of what is happening ... And so day after day, year after year .. Favorite phrase "let's talk seriously" immediately brings to grief and the thought that it really does not have to do without patience in the brck and, no matter how cool, you have to squeeze your teeth and tune in for something long and bleak. One pleases - it is this "penal servitude" that psychologists pay close attention to and help with all sorts of advice to "survive" it and establish relations.
But the second whale, on which, according to many happy couples-long-livers, marriage relations are kept, nothing is dedicated. And how to talk about a sense of humor seriously, is it possible? It does not lend itself to analysis, and there are no benefits, where they would teach us to discharge the family conflict with a soft joke, lead a constructive dialogue, hint at dissatisfaction with the partner or, on the contrary, encourage him and together withstand the troubles.
Terms of play
But you can look at the situation differently. Indeed, nothing in our lives is so much like a game, like humor. And why not try to derive a set of rules for this game? Well, at least approximately. So...
Number of players. In general, anyone, just now it's a question of two - a man and a woman.
Purpose of the game. Certainly, to establish spiritual contact with your "half" and come to this not through a long painful reflection, but laughing, bringing joy to yourself and to a close person. This does not mean deliberately ignoring the problems that inevitably arise in life. It's just that you can treat them differently, and it's much easier to denote and resolve conflicts with humor than the notorious "serious" conversation.
However, this is, rather, the rules of the game. There are two of them - a joke (or just laughter) and irony (or mockery). This, of course, is an intended simplification. Of course, humor in family life is much more diverse - from eloquent views to small representations. But all this is so individual that in such a frivolous scheme it does not fit.
You can joke in different ways: funny and not too, clever and stupid, with a hint and without. Jokes can sound on and off - often it's just a direct reaction to the event or the phrase of the interlocutor, not pretending to special depth. However, the acuteness of the "highest test", undoubtedly, implies a subtext and requires a joking person a certain skill.
It is interesting that at the very beginning of a joint life, laughter in the family sounds, perhaps, more often than in the future, but, as a rule, without any subtext and without a special purpose. As the two get to know each other better (with all the pluses and minuses of this process), jokes become more meaningful and purposeful. Their role is more extensive. As a rule, people living under the same roof sooner or later begin to understand that without humor, it is much more difficult to avoid inevitable underwater reefs. In short, where too serious divorce, witty - joke.
But humor only comes to fruition when both husband and wife roughly represent the partner's reaction to their wits, are confident in the adequacy of perception. And they adhere to the rule not to joke with certain forbidden (and they are in each of us) areas.
If to speak more generalized, it is not necessary to touch the parties influencing the self-esteem of another person - this is an evil humor. It, of course, also exists, and sometimes it is impossible to do without it. Including in family relations. Evil giggles can be used as a powerful tool, thus calling things by their proper names, bringing clarity to the situation that absolutely does not suit any of the partners. But, like any "strong" medicine, apply it better in extreme cases. It's still a game without rules.
Some joke ... sharper
In irony are played less often than in jest. Rather, they use it as a shield, fencing themselves off from the outside world - if it does not suit something, and it is necessary to adapt. Then the irony is simply irreplaceable. This - whatever one may say - defense, and if you have to defend yourself from your own half, what's good about it?
I must say that women with great pleasure yazvit and sharp - and at work and at home, especially if the head of the family at least somehow reacts to the feeds and podnachki.
Ironic remarks generally imply deep subtext - one will understand, the other will pass by (accidentally or intentionally). And if he understands and instead of taking notes, he will be offended? Well, you can always back down: "Why are you hot? I did not mean it at all ... "And let outwardly it seems that this is a loss - all the same, the initial variant will sit at the interlocutor in the subcortex. It is not surprising that it is irony - the best way to speak out in terms of prohibition, when there is no possibility of directly expressing disagreement. Another question is whether it is good when such a situation develops in the family, but if it takes place, it can not be changed without a thoughtful joking approach.
There is, however, a category of marriages, where irony is simply a matter of honor in itself - as a way of thinking and even existence. Usually these are very witty people, related to shrewd humor and to a partner, and to themselves, which is important. Well, if in such a "hard" wit the two compete on an equal footing. Then no one feels "deprived" and the couple does not come to resent each other.